A Vacation Gone Horribly, Horribly Wrong
by Velternia
Summary: When a bunch of random characters crash in a plane in Disneyland and begin to go on the rides, it's not long before bad things happen... Disney characters become violent, Chickenhound gets married to a crazy fangirl... among other random events.
1. Plane Crash!

Our story starts with Matthias of Redwall taking his family, Cornflower and Mattimeo, on a vacation. They rented a private plane and are on their way to Hawaii.

"Wait wait wait," Matthias said, "What are you talking about? Why is there a plane in Mossflower and why do we know about Hawaii? I thought there weren't any human things in these books."

"Shut up, go along with it," the writer scowled, "Or I'll take away your privledges to talk."

Matthias grumbled and sat back in his chair.

"Are we there yet?" Mattimeo whined.

"Not yet," Cornflower said.

"Now are we there?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"NO!"

"Now?"

"NO!!!" Matthias and Cornflower both yelled together.

"I was just asking a question," Mattimeo grumbled.

"Hey, writer person, who's the pilot?" Cornflower asked.

"I'm glad you asked," the writer said.

"Daddy, go ask the pilot when we're gonna get there," Mattimeo said.

"Fine if it will shut you up," Matthias grumbled, opening to door to the cockpit or whatever the place the pilot is in is called.

"Are we there yet?" he asked.

"Nope," the pilot said.

Matthias came over to look at the pilot.

"LYK OMG ITS CLUNY!" He screamed like a girl.

Cluny the scourge scowled, "I'm trying to drive this plane. Shut up or I'll crash it."

"I thought you were dead," Matthias said, "Ya know, not many people survive a giant bell dropping on their head."

"Too bad no one said this was a serious fanfiction," the writer said, "Once again, shut up."

"Fine whatever," Matthias said.

"I'm the co pilot!" Mattimeo said, running up to the co pilot seat and pressed random buttons.

"What are you doing, stupid mouse," Cluny growled, "You hit the Random Button."

"What's the Random Buttoon?" Matthias asked.

"Allow me to explain," the author began, "The Random Button is what makes me very, well, random. So from now one, this story shall be very random and hopefully hilarious."

Suddenly, without warning (randomly, if you'd say), Slagar popped up in a plane seat behind Cornflower.

"And so begins to mayhem," the writer mumbled evily to herself.

"Wha-! What are you doing here!" Cornflower demanded.

"I don't know," Slagar confessed. Suddenly he took of his mask, but his scar was gone. "I don't know either."

"What the **beep** is wrong with you?" Matthias asked, looking at him strangely.

Slagar put his mask on again. "When my mask is on, I'm Slagar. When it's off, I'm Chickenhound. Duh."

"What?"

"IT'S SIMPLE!" Slagar roared, then refused to say anything more.

"Okay then... let's just get off this stupid plane," Cornflower said.

Suddenly Swartt and Veil Sixclaw, plus Bluefen, appeared in the back row of seats.

"Yo peeps waz up," Veil said.

"Veil what have I told you about trying to impress people with bad slang?" Bluefen asked.

"Sorry mommy," Veil said, sinking into his chair.

"Any more surprises?" Matthias growled to the writer.

"Of course!" The writer answered.

"So where are we going?" Swartt asked.

"Hawaii!" Mattimeo answered.

"Do you even know where Hawaii is?" Swartt asked Cluny.

"Not a clue," the huge rat answered, "Ooh look a thunder cloud. I wonder what happens if I fly straight into it."

"No go under it!" His copilot said.

"Who's the copilot?" Mattimeo asked the writer.

"I really don't know. Ummmm, Sela," the writer said.

"Mommy!" Chickenhound called out, his mask currently off.

"Whatever," Sela grunted.

"But mommy!" Chickenhound cried, running over to her, putting his mask on.

"Ugh get out of my face Chickenhound," the loving mother said.

"Who are you women? My name's Slagar."

"Whatever," the writer said, "We don't have enough characters. Hmmm... who's some random characters I can add?"

"Expand from the books Mattimeo and Redwall," Cornflower pleaded, "These guys are so boring!"

"Hey!" Veil grunted.

"Don't worry honey," Bluefen said, "She didn't mean us because she didn't mention the Outcast of Redwall."

He buried his head into his mother's side.

Suddenly, Martin the Warrior, Gonff, Rose, Tsarmina Greeneyes, Badrang, Breeze, Nightshade, and Redtooth appeared. The plane was getting crowded.

"This is ackward..." Martin the warrior said to Tsarmina and Badrang, who were both next to him.

"Who's Breeze?" Rose asked.

"A random haremaid. I forgot which book," the writer shrugged, "I just liked her name."

"I feel so loved," Breeze said, "But why am I the only hare here?!"

Suddenly Basil Stag Hare and Jodd the Squirrelhare appreared in the seats next to her.

"That's better," she said.

Suddenly there was a scraping on the window.

"MOMMY I'M SCARED!" Chickenhound wailed, then out his mask on. "I'll get it," Slagar said.

"I think he's crazy," Redtooth said.

Slagar opened the window and General Ironbeak came tumbling in with Mangiz and Korvus Skurr.

"Attack of the Ravens!" Mattimeo cried, hiding behind Cornflower.

"I'm a crow," Magniz grunted.

"This is just wonderfull," Matthias growled, "Now what, writer?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, I was daydreaming. Anyway, still not enough charecters," the writer said.

"You made a typo," Gonff pointed out, "You spelled charactors wrong."

"So Did you," Martin said.

"You shouldn't have capitalized the D in did," Tsarmina said.

"SHUT UP!" the writer growled. Everyone was quiet. They were very cramped inside the small plane.

"I need more characters..." the writer said to herself. Everyone groaned.

"I need my doomwytes!" Korvus Skurr whined.

Suddenly three doomwytes appreared next to him.

"I want five!" He whined again.

"The other two are stuck in traffic," The writer said.

"DOOOOOOM!!!!" A voice suddenly called out.

In the cargo storage, apparantly a rabbit stowed away. Remember that rabbit in Mattimeo that could only say things that started with D's? Yeah, let's just call him the Doom Bunny.

"Who are you talking to?" Ironbeak asked.

"I really don't know," the writer said, "Anyway, we need the best character of all! BABY ROLLO!!!!!"

Baby Rollo suddenly appeared in Cornflower's arms.

"Hey Chickenhound," Slagar said, "How ya doin?"

He pulled the mask off. "I'm good, you?"

He put the mask back on. "Good, good. So lovely weather, right?"

The mask came off. "Good, Slagar. Hehehehe!"

"Ignore him," Sela said, "He's having another moment."

"We're all here," the writer said, "Let's begin the plot."

"What plot?" Swartt asked.

"We're just on vacation!" Matthias said.

"That's what you think," the writer warned.

"We're going down!" Cluny suddenly called out, "This shouldn't be happening! Whenever I play x-plane, I always rule at flying planes!!!"

Suddenly they all crashed. It was chaos. Chickenhound and Veil both hid behind there mommies. Mattimeo laughed. Martin and Swartt screamed like two little girls. Matthias, however, screams like a girl in a horror movie about to get killed. While Cluny screams like a little girl with helium falling down a cliff. While-

"WE GET IT!" Rose shouted.

"We crashed into a mountain!" Cluny called out.

All of the creatures emptied out onto the mountain. The Doom Bunny needed some help getting convinced to leave the cargo hold. Ya know, 'cause he's crazy and all.

"It's plastic!" Cornflower said.

"Welcome to the Matterhorn in Disneyland!" The writer said, trying to sound evil. Everyone stared at her.

"I am going to tell you now. You cannot escape until I say so. Three of you will die. Just try to enjoy yourselves, ok? By the way, have your corndogs after you go on the teacups."

Everyone screamed. No one there liked corndogs.


	2. Disneyland can be dangerous

"Why did nothing happen in the last 24 hours?" Matthias asked the writer.

"It's called a chapter break," Basil explained, "It'll happen a lot."

"Ugh," Matthias groaned.

"Now what?" Rose asked.

"Now," The writer said, "Go explore Disneyland."

Everyone was silent.

"Do it and eventually you all will go home," the writer added, "For now I just wanna torture small animals."

"Let's split up into groups," Martin started, "Twenty seven can't travel fast."

"Okay," Rose said, "How about Cornflower, Matthias, Veil..."

"We don't want it to be organized!" Jodd complained, "Everyone! Run madly around until there's groups!"

The groups formed as followed: Slagar... or well Chickenhound... either one..., Mattimeo, Cornflower, Baby Rollo, Rose, Cluny, Matthias, and Swartt were in one group.

Martin, Badrang, Tsarmina, Bluefen, Veil, the Doom Bunny, Basil Stag Hare, Jodd, and Breeze where in another. Korvus Skurr, his three doomwytes, Ironbeak, Mangiz, Sela, Nightshade, Gonff, and Redtooth where in the last one.

"Why is Redtooth here? He's a minor character" Cluny asked.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," The writer explained oh so clearly.

"Let's go," Martin said. The first group went to Fantasyland, the second went to Tomorrowland, and the third went to Adventureland. Let's follow the -ahem- adventure of the first group.

"What... is that?"

They all stared at Mickey Mouse. "It looks like a mouse... kinda..." Matthias said.

"It's an insult!" Rose growled.

"Let's get 'em!"

Matthias, Rose Cornflower, Mattimeo, and a bunch of random mice that suddenly appeared all lunged at Mickey Mouse. After the... beating... they got ready to go on some rides.

"Is that a castle?" Rose asked, looking at Sleeping Beauty's castle.

"IT'S CLUNY'S CASTLE!" Cluny screamed and ran into it.

"We should go after him, make sure he doesn't hurt himself..." Swartt said.

"No we shouldn't," Matthias sneered.

"Castle!" Baby Rollo called out, "Wanna go to castle!"

"Let's go," Cornflower said, "What Rollo says goes. All hail the mighty baby Rollo!"

They walked inside. It didn't look like any castle they ever knew. There were pictures on the wall with writing. It made no sense what so ever. When they got to the dark, spooky parts, Mattimeo got scared.

"MOMMY!" he cried, gripping onto Cornflower.

"Shush, I'm holding Baby Rollo," Cornflower said.

They came to the part where Sleeping Beauty is asleep. "SHE'S DEAD!" Chickenhound cried out. Baby Rollo started to cry.

"I can save her!" Swartt said, running over. "Wait... she's all flat... cardboard like... this is worse then I thought. There's nothing we can do."

"Get better!" Matthias called out as they continued.

Finally they got to the end. "Where'd Cluny go?" Mattimeo asked.

"Oh no... look." Rose pointed up. Cluny was on top of the castle, laughing like a maniac. Mainly because he is a maniac.

"Get down here!" Cornflower called out, "One way or another. Fall or come down yourself, just make it happen."

Meanwhile, the second group fared no better. "Let's go there!" Basil said, pointing to Space Mountain.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHMMMMMYYYYYYYGGGGGOOOODDDDDDD!"

The woodland creatures weren't ready for Space Mountain.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Breeze screamed.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, BASIL!"Badrang shrieked.

"MOOOOOOMMMMMY!" Veil started to sob.

"I'M RIGHT HERE," Bluefen told her son.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny called out.

After that... incident... they realized they lost Breeze.

"I'm gonna find her!" Basil declared.

"No, I am," Jodd pushed him out of the way.

"She needs help from a real hare, not a hare who thinks he's a squirrel."

"Oh you did not just go there!"

"I just did!"

"Well I'll save her. She likes me, ya know."

"No, she likes me!"

"We'll just see about that!"

"Leave 'em," Martin said, "They'll be back before dinner I'm sure."

They kept walking.

"So, Badrang, such a weird name," Tsarmina commented.

"As if Tsarmina is the best name ever," the stoat replied.

"Huh. Hey, so what's your story?" The cat said, "Why are you 'Badrang the Tyrant'?"

"Well I was a tyrant once. Before HE came along," Badrang glared at Martin, who was not making eye contact.

"Really? Well, I was a queen until a certain mouse got in my way," she also glared at the mouse.

"Hey, uh, look, submarines," Martin pointed out, trying to change the subject.

"Don't change the subject," Badrang warned.

While all that happened, the third group was just as... antic.

"So, I was just about ready to eat, but then I realized I let the meat cook for to long," one of the doomwytes, Murig, said, "What was I gonna do, the in-laws were coming over. So I-"

"Just skip to the end," an annoyed doomwyte, Tarul, groaned, "Last sentence."

"I never saw that chicken again," Murig finished. Everyone stared at him.

"You guys bore me," the writer said, "Time to have fun."

"What?" A scared Redtooth asked.

Suddenly he was wearing a pink sparkly dress with a matching tiara.

"Hey!" He said, "This tiara doesn't go with my eyes!"

"Hey," Korvus said to Ironbeak, "Did I hear you mumble something about my doomwytes?"

"I did not say anything," Ironbeak replied, "Yer just hearin' things, you poor excuse for a raven."

"You do NOT speak to the great doomwyte like that!" Korvus replied indignatly.

"Well I'm a general," Ironbeak said, "You lived in a hole."

"All you have right now is your crow, while I have three doomwytes," The great doomwyte sneered.

"I'm much bigger then you," Ironbeak glared, "And I'm from the northlands, we're strong up there."

"Both of you stop fighting before I go mad," Gonff covered his ears.

"Okay... now its time to go back to the hotel." The writer said. Suddenly everyone was in the Disneyland Hotel.

"Now," the writer said, "Here's the roommates. Martin, Tsarmina, and Badrang all share a room. Bluefen, Cornflower, Rose, Veil, and Baby Rollo in a big room. Matthias, Slagar/Chickenhound, Mattimeo, and Swartt. Ironbeak, Mangiz, Korvus Skurr, and the Doomwytes. Gonff, Sela, Nightshade, and the Doom Bunny. Redtooth, and the hares if they come back, will share a room. Anyone I forgot sleeps outside. Ok?"

Everyone stared at the writer. What horrible matches!

"I get my own room!" Redtooth said.

"Unless the hares come back," Veil pointed out.

"Trust me, they won't."

"Hey!" Cluny exclaimed, "You forgot me!'

"Then you're going to sleep outside," the writer shrugged.

Now we're getting somewhere. Will they all rip each other to shreads or make it out of Disneyland? Wait until the next chapter to witness the mayhem as they go and explore the rest of Disneyland. And I'm telling you now, I haven't introduced all the charectors yet ;)

"The writer's talking to herself again!"


	3. At the Hotel

And so, the creatures settled down in their hotel rooms. But no one was about to sleep. Let's look in room 1 first.

"I call this bed!" Tsarmina said as she ran towards a bed.

"There's only two beds," Badrang said, dissapointed, "What now?

"You and Martin share one," the wildcat answered.

The stoat and the mouse looked at each other with hatred. "No way," Martin growled, "You and Badrang."

"Heeeelllooo? I'm a girl, I'm not sharing a bed with some filthy dude," Tsarmina hissed, "You don't realize how awkward this is."

"Well he _killed_ me, I'm _not _sharing a bed with him," Badrang complained.

"That's not something you hear every day..." Martin commented.

"He killed me too!" Tsarmina said.

"No, you drowned, so technically a lake killed you," the writer said.

"Shut up," the former queen grumbled.

"Anyway, c'mon, you're a queen, I'm a tyrant..." Badrang began.

"Don't try to hit on me," the wildcat growled, "Or you'll get a face full of claw."

"Why are we fighting?" Badrang asked, "Our enemy is the mouse."

"An enemy of my enemy is still my enemy," Tsarmina grunted.

"Our archenemy is right here. You know what to do," Badrang said.

"I really don't like the way this is heading..." Martin said as he backed away.

Meanwhile, Cornflower and Rose were getting their rooms together. "Look," Cornflower said, "There's a crib for Rollo!"

"There's another crib for Veil!" Bluefen added.

"Mom, I told you, I outgrew a crib last week," Veil complained, "I sleep in a big boy's bed."

"Sorry, I forgot," Bluefen said, "Tonight you can sleep in the same bed as me, so the monsters don't get you."

"Mooooooom!"

"Sorry."

"Hey, Rose," Cornflower said, "What book are you from?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know we're all from books."

"Um, Martin the Warrior," Rose answered.

"Just Martin the Warrior?" Cornflower asked, "I'm in two books. Plus three of the picture books."

"Well I died, so how could I have been in more then one?" Rose huffed.

"You died? Sorry, I didn't realize. I married Matthias and had Mattimeo."

" I would have married Martin. If I didn't die."

"I'm sorry..." Cornflower said.

"You think you're better them me, don't you," Rose growled, "Because you lived through the whole book."

"I never said that!" Exclaimed Cornflower.

"You're thinking that!"

"You're both right!" Bluefen said, "Don't fight in front of my little Veil."

"Cornflower!" Baby Rollo said, toddling over to her.

"That's right," Cornflower said, "I'm better then Rose, right Rollo?"

"You did not just say that!" Rose hissed.

I would go into extensive detail about the following events, but imagining them might be a bit... awkward. Well, Rose tackled Cornflower and when the two got up they started a catfight. Bluefen covered Veil's eyes. Rollo just started crying. When they were done, Cornflower calmly put Rollo to bed and Rose went to go check on Martin. They acted as if nothing happened.

"I'm going to bring him some cookies," Rose said.

"Where'd you get cookies?" Cornflower asked.

"Um, I found them," she answered.

"Where?" Bluefen asked,.

"...the trolley had some, so I took 'em."

Both of the other creatures stared.

"I'll be going now."

She walked down the hallway to the room where Martin, Badrang, and Tsarmina were. She gently knocked on the door. There were strange sounds coming out of the room.

"Just a second!" A voice called out. "Will ya let me go, I gotta get the door!"

Tsarmina opened the door. "Um, hi."

"I brought cookies," Rose said.

Suddenly Tsarmina was pulled back by Badrang. "You don't call me a lousy tyrant and get away from it."

Martin kicked them both as he scrambled to meet Rose. "Thanks," he said, "We're a bit busy right now, could you come back later?"

He was dragged back by Tsarmina. The door slammed. Rose decided not to get involved.

Meanwhile, Ironbeak and Korvus were arguing... again. Mangiz and the doomwytes decided it was best to wait for them to tire out before coming out from under the bed.

"Hehe," the writer said, apparantly half asleep, "Mangiz and the doomwytes... sounds like a rock band..."

The birds stared at her. "I'm ignoring that," Ironbeak said.

"Some general," Korvus sneered, "Ye look like a little hatchling."

"I said before, you're much smaller then me," Ironbeak replied, puffing out his chest.

"I have three doomwytes to back me up," Korvus said, "I thought we went through this."

Just as the two birds were about to attack each other, there was a knock on their door. "I'll get it," Korvus said.

"Maybe I wanna get it," Ironbeak glared.

"Maybe you aren't good enough to get it!"

Their argument went on. Finally Mangiz came and opened the door. "Room service!"

"We didn't order rooms service," Mangiz said.

"I don't care," the maid said. She was a badger.

"Wait a minute... I recognize you!" Mangiz said, "You're Constance! Hey, you killed me!"

"The past is the past," Constance said, pointing to a pile of boxes, "Here's the 500 pounds of cheese you ordered."

"We didn't order any cheese!" Mangiz said.

"Allow me to explain what is supposed to happen," Constance growled, "I say 'here's the 500 pounds of cheese you ordered'. Then you say 'thank you' and pay for it then tip me 100 dollars. Got it?"

"But-"

"GOT IT?"

"Yes!"

"Yes what!"

"Yes sir!"

"YES MA'AM!!!"

"HELP!"

Constance whacked him on the head. Mangiz dived back under the bed for his own safety.

"We did not order 500 pounds of cheese," Ironbeak said.

Constance held out a paper with '500lbs of Cheese to room A56'.

"This is room A57," Ironbeak said, "A56 is over there."

"Sorry, my mistake," Constance said, taking the cart over.

Mangiz grumbled multiple swears.

In room A56, Matthias, Mattimeo, and Swartt were staring at Chickenhound having another argument with... Slagar.

"Room service!" Constance called.

Matthias opened the door. "Constance!" He exclaimed, "Finally, someone sane!"

"Here's the 500 pounds of cheese you ordered," Constance said.

"...what?"

"Look, I don't have all night," the annoyed badger said, "Just take the stupid cheese."

"Ooh!" Slagar said, "My cheese is here!"

"No," Chickenhound said, removing the mask, "It's my cheese!"

Suddenly, a fight broke out. Chickenhound put on his mask, punched himself, took off the mask, punched himself, and repeat.

"It's my cheese!" Chickenhound shrieked.

"It's mine you liar!" Slagar growled.

"There is something seriously wrong with him," Swartt said.

Mattimeo was cheering on Chickenhound.

"Please get me out of here!" Matthias begged.

"I can't do that," the writer said.

"Why not?!"

"..."

"Answer me!"

"No."

Constance left the writer and Matthias to their business.

In the room across the hall, the doom bunny was having an episode.

"DOOOOOM!" he cried, "DEATH DOOM AND DESTRUCTION TO US ALL! WE WILL ALL DIIIIEEE!"

"I think he lost it," Gonff said.

"Oh, just now?" Sela glared at him.

"Does he think he's a seer or something?" Nightshade asked, "I'M the seer."

"What about Mangiz?" Sela asked.

"He visioned Ironbeak ruling Redwall. He's a fraud."

"Well," Sela said, "You envisioned Swartt killing Sunflash. That didn't happen, now did it?"

"At least I have visions!"

"I'm a healer! And I have a son! You never could get a man!"

"A son?" Nightshade stared at her, "You think that... mental patient is a good thing for you to have?"

"Well at least I have a son!"

"No, you have two sons," Gonff pointed out, "Chickenhound and Slagar."

"Who names their child Chickenhound?" Nightshade made a strange face.

"Ladies, please, don't argue," Gonff said.

"At least I wasn't killed by a beserk badger!"

"And I wasn't a traitor!"

Gonff took the Doom Bunny and hid under the bed. Neither of them should get hurt if the two vixens fought. Suddenly, without warning, the unthinkable happened.

"Warning: the unthinkable is going to happen," the writer said.

Suddenly the Doom Bunny exploded.

"...what?" Gonff asked.

"I don't know," the writer admitted, "I'm getting tired."

The Doom Bunny appeared next to Gonff again.

"I'm gonna pretend that didn't happen," Gonff said. He crawled out of the bed to see Sela and Nightshade fighting.

"I'm not surprised," he said before crawling into bed like nothing was happening.

Outside, Cluny was trying to sleep. "I can't sleep without my teddy bear!" he sobbed, "MR. TEDDY, WHERE ARE YOU?!" Then he saw three figures coming towards the hotel.

"OH MY GOD ITS THE MONSTERS!"

He grabbed a random sword that happened to be just sitting there and charged toward them.

_Ohhh cliffhanger ending... kinda. Why is Constance here even though I swore not to put badgers in this story (don't ask why)? What will happen to Martin, Tsarmina, and Badrang? Will Sela and Nightshade kill each other? Will Ironbeak and Korvus kill each other? Or will Rose and Cornflower kill each other? Wow this is getting violent. Will cluny defeat the weird figures? And where is Mr. Teddy?The suspense!!!_


	4. Lost and Not Found

Eventually, all the creatures either went to sleep or passed out after getting tired from fighting. In the morning, the writer had more ways to torture them. Not only that, but Cluny was missing. But no one really cared.

"That's not very nice," the writer said.

"What happened to him anyway?" Swartt asked, not wanting to disappear himself.

"You'll see," the writer said.

All of the creatures gathered outside the hotel. But Korvus and Ironbeak were nowhere to be found.

"Do you know where the great doomwyte is?" Tarul, a doomwyte, asked Mangiz.

"General Ironbeak and Korvus probably killed each other by now," came the crow's reply.

Suddenly the two ravens appeared, both about to strike each other.

"Ack! How'd we get here?" Ironbeak cawed.

"Do ravens caw?" Swartt asked.

"Stop asking questions!" The writer said, "Let's just make you guys go to Disneyland."

"I don't WANT to go to Disneyland," Mattimeo grumbled.

"Don't complain!" Cornflower scolded, "Or I'll make you go to Magic Mountain after all this is over."

"NOOOOOO!" the young mouse shrieked, "I'll be good!"

"Let's go!" The writer said. Suddenly everyone was in front of the entrance to It's a Small World.

"Kill... me... now..." Everyone said.

"This looks scary!" Chickenhound hid behind Sela.

"It is scary," Gonff said, "The scariest ride in the whole park."

"You must all go on it. Mwhahahahaha!" The writer started coughing.

On the boats, mayhem was bound to happen. Tsarmina was trembling in her cloak, terrified of the shallow water the boats floated in. Badrang sat next to her awkwardly. At one point a little water splashed up at her. She screamed and grabbed onto Badrang. After seeing what she did, she moved to the other side of the boat. The birds all flew away, trying to save themselves from the never ending song. Veil was sobbing. Mattimeo whined the whole way.

"Look!" Rose said, "We're in Peru! Look at those llamas! Now we're in Hawaii! Oh, now we're in London! Now we're in-"

"WE GET IT!" Martin stopped her.

When the ride was over, Baby Rollo was singing.

"It's a small world after all!

It's a small world after all!

It's a small world after all!

It's a small small small world.

It's a world of laughter a world of tears

A world of hope-"

"That this song will end," Mattimeo interupted. This made Rollo start to cry.

"Mattimeo!" Cornflower said, cuddling the little vole, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

She stormed off to find something to cheer Rollo up. The rest of the group continued on.

Finally they got to Space Mountain. They found the three hares emerge out of the exit.

"We found her!" Basil announced.

"I found you two hugging each other and sobbing," Breeze said, "You were afraid of the dark."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jodd said.

"Whatever," the writer said, "Just keep going."

"Why are we doing this?" Swartt asked, "What's the plot? Or the reason? Or-"

"For the LAST time, stop asking questions!" The writer said, "Just for that, you have to go back on It's a Small World."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

All the creatures, except Swartt who was trying to run away from the writer, continued on through the park.

"Look! There's giant teacups!" Matthias pointed out.

"They look like they spin around by themselves," Nightshade said, "That's weird."

"They're magical!" Gonff said.

They got on the magical spinning teacups to see what would happen. Rose started screaming and tried to clutch Martin, but accidently grabbed Matthias. This led Martin to get angry with Matthias, and started kicking him. In another cup, Veil was clutching the sides for dear life while his mother and father hid on the floor. Slagar was screaming his head off... but Chickenhound enjoyed it. Mattimeo stared at him the whole time. The hares were the only ones who enjoyed it.

"That was torture," Sela said.

Tsarmina ran to a trash can and vomited. Jodd, Basil and Breeze got on again while the rest of them watched in horror.

"Let's just get out of here," Martin said.

"No, you guys need to go find Cornflower and Baby Rollo," the writer said, "And Cluny. Maybe."

"Why are people disappearing?" Swartt asked.

The writer glared at the weasel and-

"I'm a ferret," he corrected.

"Finally you say something that's not a question!" The writer said.

"...what?"

"UGH!"

Duct tape appeared over Swartt's mouth.

"Any further questions?"

No one, except Swartt who made a few annoyed grunts, answered. They kept walking, until they entered New Orleans Square. They found baby Rollo alone, sitting by the entrance to Pirates of the Carribean.

"Where's Cornflower?" Matthias asked.

Baby Rollo giggled and bounced, pointing to the Pirates of the Carribean.

"She's in there!" Matthias announced. Rose scooped the little bankvole up and the crowd went inside. Martin, Rose, Badrang, Swartt (who still had the duct tape), Bluefen, Veil, Tsarmina, and Slagar got in one boat. Sela, Redtooth, Mangiz, Korvus, Ironbeak, Nightshade, and the doomwytes got in another. And the rest, the writer is too lazy to name them, got on the third.

Baby Rollo was on Rose's lap. Tsarmina and Badrang sat on opposite ends of the boat. None of the creatures had any idea what they were doing.

"So how do we sail these boats?" Gonff asked, "I see no sails or paddles of any kind."

Suddenly the boats lurched forward, and they were on their way. "Let's find Cornflower!" Matthias called out.

"That's why we're here?" Veil asked, "I don't trust mousemaids. I died saving Bryony, so count me out."

He dove into the water, trying to swim. "Help!" He called, "I just remembered that I can't swim!"

"You thought that through clearly," Slagar sneered as the boat went by the ferret.

"No! Veeiiil!" Bluefen cried out. But the boats did not stop.

"Don't worry," Rose said, "He'll be okay."

"How do you know?" Bluefen sniffed.

"I assume he'll realize the water's waist high sooner or later," Rose said.

"Oh... but... what if he doesn't? He is Swartt's son after all! Veil! I'm coming for you!" The ferretmother cried. Swartt grunted at the insult, still unable to talk.

"AH! DON'T!" Tsarmina held the ferret back, "THE WATER WILL EAT YOU!"

Everyone stared at her. She looked away, trying not to get seasick.

"If only there was an otter here!" Bluefen, "The writer is mean and only put mice, hares, stoats, ferrets, rats, birds, a badger, three foxes, and a cat."

"FOUR! THERE ARE FOUR FOXES!" Slagar corrected.

"Yes... there's three foxes."

"Well... I haven't read all the books and so far there's no epic characters I like that are otters, squirrels, weasels, hedgehogs, or moles," the writer said, "But I guess I'll put an otter in."

"No!" Matthias pleaded, "No more characters!"

Suddenly Skipper appeared next to Matthias.

"Which Skipper?" Matthias asked.

The writer was silent.

"Um................... Warthorn."

"Sure..." Warthorn said, "Can someone tell me what I'm doing here? I was in the middle of making a Souffle, and if it collapses, I will be very upset."

"This ride hasn't done anything for awhile," Sela said.

Suddenly they went down a slope (I don't care if this isn't what the ride really does in order). They all screamed, and Tsarmina almost had a nervous breakdown when a drop of water touched her cheek.

Suddenly there were a bunch of singing pirates. Without warning, Cap'n Tramun Josiah Cuttlefish Clogg (Best name ever!!!) jumped out suddenly from behind a rock.

"AHOY ME HEARTIES!!!!"

He jumped on the boat and landed on Badrang's lap.

"GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KILL YOU!" Badrang shrieked.

"Calm down," the writer said, "Or you'll explode."

"WHAT? GET THIS **beep**ING OAF OFF OF ME THIS MOMENT OR I'LL-"

He fell asleep.

"It's his nap time," Clogg explained, and got into the seat next to him.

After the ride, they still had not found Cornflower (or Cluny, but no one cared about him). And to top that off, Veil was lost too. Warthorn was too lazy to go get him.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me," Baby Rollo began to sing. Everyone either ran away or ducked for cover. Then Clogg and Rollo sang together:

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,

 Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

 We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,  

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho."

"Clogg, you shouldn't teach this song to a baby," Rose scolded.

Everyone came back.

"Let's go find Cornflower," Matthias said.

"And Veil!" Bluefen said. No one replied.

They all split up into groups and searched the park. But they didn't find them. Bluefen and Warthorn looked all through the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, but didn't find anyone. It turned to night, and they had to go back to the hotel.

"Now, you guys are going to the Tropicana Inn, where a bunch of the most destructive forces on the planet are. Hyper middle school band students."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE'LL NEVER GET ANY SLEEEEP!!!!"

They all appeared in the inn. It was chaos. In Matthias, Mattimeo, and Slagar's room, there was a nerdy band student practicing his annoying electric violin, flute, and piano at the same time he was doing his algebra homework. The pool was full of them, yelling and screaming, and jumping off roofs, half of which landed in the pool. They played loud rap music, and no one was able to sleep. Except Slagar. But Chickenhound was wide awake. Finally, they had to resort to violence.

They all ran at the kids with swords, daggers, and very sharp paper, because paper cuts are painful.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"MOOOOMMMY!!!"

"AHHH! CHAPERONE!!!"

"MR. A!!!! HEELPPP!"

Finally they were corralled into their rooms and forced to sleep. The creatures could go sleep now.

_Bwhahahahahaha! Three characters are missing. And three will die. Oooh!!! What will happen? By the way, don't ask about the middle schoolers thing. Long story. _


	5. Trouble Afoot

They all found themselves unable to sleep. They were all worried that they, too, would disappear. Mattimeo was whining that he didn't want to die, that he wanted to live to see his character on some video game that no one had ever heard of get to level 50.

Everyone was in the same set of roommates as last time. Of course, minus Cornflower and Veil. And Cluny wasn't sleeping outside.

"Swartt, go find your son," Bluefen nagged.

"Oh, it's always like this, 'Oh Swartt, go find your son!' 'Oh Swartt, I want chocolates', 'Oh Swartt, give me a line to say in the book', 'Why did you kill my dad, Swartt? You know Veil needs a grandparent', 'Oh Swartt, help me, I'm dying from childbirth!'. Stop nagging me, woman!" He said, imitating her voice. Somehow he got the magical duct tape off.

"Humph," Bluefen turned away, "What are you doing in here anyway? You're in the room with Matthias."

Swartt poofed away in a cloud of dust into his own room. "I'm not gonna ask how that happened," Matthias said.

There was a knock on the door. "Constance!" Matthias exclaimed, seeing the badger, "You're here too?"

"I"m everywhere, and I'm nowhere. Sometimes at the same time," she said.

He stared at her.

"We don't need another hotel scene," the writer said.

Suddenly it was day, because the writer is special like that. They were all back in Disneyland. To be exact, they were in Critter Country.

"WE'RE BACK IN MOSSFLOWER!!!" Gonff cried out, seeing all the trees.

"No, this isn't right," Matthias said, "Something's wrong."

Suddenly, a dude dressed up as a bear (you know how people dress up as animals in that place?) walked up to them. Because, ya know, they're mice and stuff, the bear-man-thing was quite large compared to them.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A MONSTER!" Sela screamed.

"Funny, that's similar to what Cluny screamed before he disappeared," the writer commented.

"I'M NOT CLUNY!" Sela cried out.

"THE MONSTER'S GONNA EAT US!" Mattimeo screamed.

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Slagar yelled out.

"BECAUSE THE WRITER IS TOO LAZY TO TAKE THE CAPS LOCK OFF!" Martin answered.

"RAWR!" The bear-man-thing growled

The creatures all screamed and ran away. The bear-man-thing ran after them, trying to give them a brochure for some stupid disney thing.

"IS HE STILL CHASING US?" Nightshade asked.

"STOP WITH THE YELLING!" Slagar cried.

"MAKE ME!"

"I WILL!"

"HURRY!" Martin yelled, pointing to a mountain with a nice waterfall, "HIDE IN THERE!"

They hurried inside a log cabin. They ran through it until they found a cave with a river.

"Oh no, I am not going in there!" Tsarmina said.

They found hollowed out logs, which convieniantly looked like seats.

"Hurry, we have to get away!" Bluefen said, pulling the wildcat queen into a log flume. The bear-man-thing ran inside, but the creatures all got away in the log flumes.

"We're safe!" Rose said, hugging Martin, "Good idea coming in here, Martin!"

"ANYONE could have thought of that," Badrang grunted.

"Look out!" Matthias called. The bear-man-thing was chasing them in a log flume. He growled, shaking his fist, which was full of brochures.

"Bunny!" Baby Rollo pointed to the characters on the walls, who were all happy and singing.

"Could you guys tell us a way out of here?" Basil called out to a rabbit. He got no reply. They didn't understand the jabbering of the strange rabbits and other creatures. It seemed to be some other language. The man-bear-thing was catching up.

"Martin, do something!" Rose shouted.

"YOU do something!" he answered.

"DOOOOM!" The Doom bunny hollered.

After awhile, the man-bear-thing was close enough to touch the last log flume in their group. Rose screamed as the man-bear-thing crouched, ready to jump onto their log. Right as he did so, the log dropped down a waterfall. Everybeast screamed. The man-bear-thing flew over the log into the water, where he was crushed between a log and a rock. Plus the fact that he just plunged down fifty-two feet did not help his cause. All of them were terrified from the drop. Tsarmina was sobbing. But Baby Rollo was giggling.

They all jumped out of the logs. The man-bear-thing's brochures were sinking to the bottom. They all continued moving.

"Where's Gonff?" Matthias asked.

"Why is it that everytime we go on a ride someone gets lost?" Ironbeak asked the writer.

"Because... we need a good plot," the writer said.

"So let's see here," Sela said, "Cluny, Cornflower, Veil, and Gonff all are gone. Is there a reason for those certain creatures?"

"Hm..." Everyone was thinking.

"I know!" Redtooth announced, "It's because-"

Suddenly he vanished. Everyone gasped in surprise.

"That's not going to work," the writer said, "I want this story to be longer then 5 chapters!"

"Please give us a clue!" Breeze said.

"Don't talk to the writer," Jodd whispered, "Bad things might happen."

"You'll have to find your own clues. Stay in Disneyland... for now," the writer said.

"Let's split up," Rose said.

"No!" Mattimeo cried, "That's how people always die in horror movies. 'Let's split up. You go in the attic, I'll search the basement'. It's not smart!"

"Fine then," Rose said, "But how else will we search the whole park?"

"We should split up," Martin said.

"You're just agreeing with your lady," Matthias grunted.

"At least my lady is here!" Martin replied.

"You did not just say that!"

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"I challenge you to a duel!" Matthias growled.

"Okay, but remember, I use my own sword. You don't have a sword then." Martin twirled his sword. Badrang backed away at the sight of the blade that killed him. He bumped into Clogg.

"What where yer goin'!" The old corsair said.

"Huh, you think you're better mannered then me, you dirty fish-breathed, stink-nosed, um..."

"Oh, nice insult," Clogg said sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Martin and Matthias lunged at each other, deciding to wrestle instead of a duel. Well, Matthias decided to wrestle. Martin went along with it when he was tackled by Matthias. Badrang and Clogg both drew their swords and began their own duel.

"We should go," Bluefen whispered.

"No," Swartt said, "I wanna see this."

"C'mon!" She dragged him away, "We gotta go find Veil!"

Bluefen and the unwilling Swartt broke off from the crowd (that can't end good). The rest of them cheered on the two fights. Most of the abbeybeasts watched the two warriors wrestle while the vermin watched the sword fight between Clogg and Badrang.

"Did you just call me 'vermin'?" Nightshade growled.

The writer ignored her.

"There's a lot of fighting going on," Ironbeak said.

"Not that much," Korvus replied.

"Yes there is!" Ironbeak glared, "Don't try to correct me."

The two ravens lunged at each other, fighting for no reason. Mangiz and the doomwytes decided once again not to get involved. Seeing all of the fighting, Sela and Nightshade didn't want to miss out and tackled each other. Chickenhound and Slagar were insulting each other and finally started a slap fight. Warthorn and Mattimeo argued over who could eat the most jellybeans at a time. The doomwtes had a three way battle. Jodd and Basil were fighting over who Breeze liked more. Rose, Mangiz, Tsarmina, Breeze and Rollo backed away from the chaos.

"Stop now!" The writer yelled, "This is going nowhere!"

No one stopped. The writer sighed.

"If you don't stop, I'll add a new character who will try to kill you."

No one stopped.

"Make that _two_ new characters trying to kill you all."

No one stopped.

"AND you'll go back on It's a Small World.

Everyone froze. They all whimpered at the thought and got in a group again.

"Now... who are two characters who will endanger your lives?"

"Why?" Matthias asked.

"I already told you, I like tormenting small animals," the writer said.

"Remember she said three of us will die?" Rose whispered to Breeze.

"Thanks for reminding me!" The writer exclaimed. Everybeast glared at the mousemaid.

"Not my fault!" Rose said, "She would have remembered anyway... maybe..."

Without warning, Baliss the Slayer appeared out of a hole. The blind adder looked around.

"Don't move or make a sound," Mangiz whispered.

"YOU'RE making a sound!" Tarul replied.

Baliss sniffed around.

"He might smell us," Martin whispered.

"He might smell Cloggy over here," Badrang glared at the corsair, "A very bad smell too."

"Huh, look who's talkin'," the stoat replied.

"Shut up all of you!" Breeze said under her breath.

Somehow Baliss did not hear their discussion. He looked around, not understanding where the heck he was.

"Maybe we should run," Jodd suggested.

"Maybe you should shut up," Basil grunted.

"No fighting!" Breeze pushed the two apart.

Baliss heard that. He began to slither over to where the petrified crowd of woodlanders were.

"Yeah, running's a good idea," Matthias said.

"I don't _wanna _run," Mattimeo complained.

He was grabbed by his father as the group sprinted away from the giant adder. The birds were wise and flew away from the scene. The rest of them looked for a place to hide. They sprinted through the park, with Baliss close behind them.

"Doesn't he hate Korvus or something?" Tsarmina asked through puffs as they hid behind a hedge.

"I suggest we hold a maiden sacrifice," Warthorn glared.

"Maiden?"

"It sounds cooler."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Rose said, "Let's just run. Where's the writer? Hello?"

After a few minutes, the writer came back. "Sorry," she said, "I was making popcorn. This is getting interesting."

The creatures all took off again when they sighted the adder. For some reason, there were no other people in the park. In fact, there never have been in this story. But oh well no one cares, right?

"Look! A giant mansion!" Breeze pointed, "We can hide in there!"

They all dashed through the path that led to the front door. They did not notice the gravestones or the spiderwebs.

Meanwhile, Bluefen and Swartt went back to Pirates of the Caribbean.

"Why did I follow you?" Swartt asked.

"Again with the questions," the writer mumbled.

"C'mon, you will help me find our son," Bluefen said.

"I thought you were supossed to be all quiet and stuff," Swartt grumbled.

"I took some self-esteem classes," Bluefen said, "Look! There's the place we lost him!"

They stood at the edge of the water and peered down.

"Veil! Are you there?" She cried out.

"Get out here, son, or I'll-" Swartt fell into the water himself.

"Is Veil down there?" Bluefen asked.

"Help I can't swim!" The ferret gurgled.

"For goodness sakes, you can stand up in it," Bluefen sighed.

"Oh," the water was neckhigh for Swartt. He climbed back up.

"Meh-heh-heh!"

They heard an omnious laughter fill the air. The two ferrets screamed and started to run for the exit. A dark figure they could not see in the bad lighting pounced on Bluefen. Swartt didn't notice in his blind panic.

"Help Swartt!" She cried.

"Huh?" He looked over his shoulder, "Oh! Um... I would, but..."

Another of the dark figures started to move towards him. Bluefen managed to wrestle her attacker off and fled to her very unhelpful husband's side.

"C'mon, let's get out of here!" She cried, gripping his paw. Swartt stood frozen in fear.

"Oh gimme a break!"

Veil appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his father and carried him dark figures did not follow. Outside, Bluefen started smothering her son.

"Oh, thank goodness you're alright. I mean, being Swartt's son and all, you might not have made it. What happened anyway?" Bluefen questioned.

"I- well, I'm not sure," Veil said, "I fell in the water and saw these dark figures, so I stayed underwater so they wouldn't see me. Then I remembered that I can't breathe underwater and swam back up. They found me so I ran and hid and cried... uh... I mean... I fought them both but they overpowered me and were about to get me when I slipped and fell into the water... again. They both dove in after me but I didn't see them again. So I got out of the water and stayed here, because, uh, I was lost. I mean..."

"It's okay, you're with mommy now," Bluefen hugged him.

Swartt was still twitching. Suddenly, they heard faint screaming. The ferrets ran in the direction to see a giant adder.

"Today is NOT our lucky day," Swartt said.

"But I think it's blind," Bluefen said, "Don't make too much noise."

Veil screamed.

"Nevermind."

The adder turned to look at them. Behind them, another adder slithered out of nowhere.

"Asssmodeusssss!"

"NOT helping!" Veil groaned.

_Oooh now there's a plot :O Haha, two adders will be trouble. And now they are going into the Haunted Mansion. That will also be trouble. What are the dark figures? And where are the rest of the people who disappeared? Yay for suspense! And yay for the writer's boredom, which is what brought this story into creation._


	6. More Conflicts

_This first part may be more enjoyable if you have actually gone on the haunted mansion ride at Disneyland. _

"Where are we?" Rose asked.

The group stood in an octagonal room. They looked around. There was nothing there.

"This is your idea of a good hiding place?" Martin asked Breeze, "The adder could trap us in here!"

"Hey, it looked good to me! Let's just go," the haremaid grumbled, turning around. "Um... where's the door?"

They all spun around. It was true, the door was gone.

"Oh my God we're all gonna die," Chickenhound sobbed. He put on his mask.

"No you idiot, this means that the adder won't get us," Slagar said.

"Ignore him," Sela muttered, "Someone tell me he was switched with my real baby at birth."

Suddenly the voice echoed through the room.

"Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion I am-"

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE VOICES AGAIN!" Slagar clutched his head and fell to the ground, screaming.

"Ahem, as I was saying," the voice went on, "I am-"

"I thought you were just a recorded voice," Matthias said.

"It makes it more interesting," the writer said, not bothering to look up from her DVD.

"As I was SAYING! I am your-"

"-father?" Mattimeo asked, "Please say you are!"

Matthias elbowed his annoying son.

"LET ME FINISH MY SETENCE!" The voice from beyond hollered, "I am your-"

"I WANNA GO HOME!" Badrang cried out.

"Oh forget it," the voice said, "I'll ignore you. I am your host, your 'Ghost Host'."

"That was really lame," Tsarmina said.

"Ignoring that. Our cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis."

"What does that mean?" Nightshade asked.

"I don't know. I was told to say that," the voice replied, "Anyway, is this haunted room actually stretching? Or is it your imagination, hmm…?"

Everybeast shrieked as the walls began to stretch.

"…And consider this dismaying observation: this chamber has no windows, and no doors... which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" the voice started coughing, then said, "Of course, there's always my way..."

No one noticed the fact that there was a corpse hanging above their heads.

"C'mon people, at least act scared," the voice said, "It's my job. I already have low self-esteem as it is. Just go down the stupid hallway."

They decided it was their only way out. They continued down, until they reached the Doom Buggies. They sighed and sat down in them, unable to choose who their partner was, it was whoever scrambled inside first.

"Not again!" Tsarmina groaned as Badrang got in beside her.

"Um, this is awkward," Matthias said, who was sitting next to Rose, with Martin glaring at him.

The ride began. Everybeast was petrified. They all screamed like little girls. Except for Rollo, who was giggling.

"THIS IS SO SCARY!" Jodd cried.

"AHHHH! IT'S A GHOST!" Basil covered his eyes with his long ears.

"OH REALLY?" Breeze called out, annoyed by the two hares who insisted on squeezing onto the same Doom Buggy with her.

Near the end, Rollo squeezed out of his seat next to Mattimeo. Mattimeo did not notice because he was too busy screaming or complaining. Rollo started to walk across the floor, towards the crystal ball with the ghostly projection of a woman floating above it.

"Rollo! Get back here!" Rose called out.

"I'll get him!" Basil offered.

"No, I'll get him!" Jodd pushed him aside.

"I will!"

"No I will!"

"No I will!"

"No I will!"

"No I will!"

"No I will!"

As they were arguing, Rose scurried over to the baby vole.

"Cornflower!" He said.

"No, baby, it's Rose," the mousemaid said gently.

"Cornflower!" He said again, pointing with his paw.

In the far corner of the room, Rose saw Cornflower, tied up an gagged, staring at her helplessly. Rose ran over to her and untied her. By now the Doom Buggies were well away.

"What happened?" Rose asked.

"Ugh," Cornflower got to her feet, feeling the blood circulating through her paws again, "I'm not too sure. I went with Rollo, then we were surrounded by dark figures. I couldn't see them well. They chased us, so I dropped Rollo and distracted the things so Rollo could get away. Of course, he only sat there and stared at me until I told him that Matthias had a lollypop. Then, well, this happened. Thank you for finding me, but how do we get out of here?"

Rose looked around. "I suppose we just follow the tracks." She picked up Rollo.

"I wanna hold Baby Rollo!" Cornflower grabbed him.

"Too bad," Rose grabbed him back.

"Cornflower!" Rollo said, reaching for her.

"Fine," Rose grumbled, handing her the bankvole.

"Let's go," Cornflower said, starting to walk down the path. Rose followed her.

"Did you hear something?" Rose asked, looking around.

"Besides this stupid ride's ghosts and stuff? Not really."

Just then two of the shadow things came up form behind them.

"What ARE these dark figures?" Rose asked the writer, "This is bugging me!"

"I wanna see how long the readers can hold out without me telling them what the heck they are," the writer explained.

"Ugh."

"Look out!" Cornflower grabbed Rose's paw and they sprinted off. The dark figures were right behind them. They almost made it to the exit. The rest of the group were apparently already off the ride.

"Oh no!" Rose said, pointing, "They blocked the exit!"

"There's gotta be a way," Cornflower said, looking over her shoulder. The dark figures were coming closer.

"Do something!" Rose said, "In books, the heroes always have something!"

"This isn't really a book," Cornflower said, banging on the door of the exit that the dark figures locked.

"I don't care!" Rose said, "Just do it!"

While all that happened, the Sixclaw family was running from both Asmodeus and Baliss. It wasn't the best family outing, but it beats some things. They charged through Fantasyland, with two adders on their tails.

"If they're on our tails, wouldn't they bite us?" Swartt asked.

"DON'T start asking questions again," the writer growled, "And it's called a figure of speech."

"Look!" Bluefen pointed at the castle, "We can hide in there!"

"No," Swartt said, "That's where Cluny disappeared, remember?"

"Fine. Hey look!" She looked over her shoulder, "One of them is gone!"

They only saw Baliss now. They suddenly ducked behind a corner, and watched the hideous blind adder slither past.

"Hideous?" Baliss looked at the writer, "I already have self esteem issues."

"Shut up," the writer said, "I'm trying to add drama and detail."

Swartt was twitching from the terror of the snakes.

"Where are we?" Veil asked. They came out of their hiding spot.

"Fantasyland," Bluefen said, "Let's go before-"

There was a hissing sound.

"Give me a BREAK!" Veil snorted, "I don't wanna run!"

"If you wanna die, that's your call," Swartt said.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was walking through the park. Martin was violently held back so he wouldn't go charging off in search of Rose.

"It's too dangerous!" Matthias grunted after being kicked in the jaw.

"I already lost her once!" Martin growled, "Lemme go!"

"Calm down!" Jodd struggled to keep his grip on Martin's arm.

"If you want, I can send my doomwytes to find her," Korvus offered.

"Why do we have to?" Fring asked.

"Yeah, why do we have to be the expendable ones?" Tarul grunted.

"I don't wanna!" Murig screeched.

"Just go get me a cotton candy and come back saying you couldn't find her," Korvus whispered.

"This would be easier if there were more then three of us!" Tarul said.

Suddenly, the two doomwytes who had been stuck in traffic appeared. Veeku, who was the leader of Korvus's carrion crows, also showed up.

"There you are!" Korvus said.

"Where are we?" Vugri asked, looking around.

"I don't remember coming here," Purz hid behind Veeku.

"Uh, long story, just go find Rose," Korvus winked.

"Why'd you wink?" Veeku asked.

"He wants us to bring him some cotton candy," Fring answered as they walked off.

"And get me a root beer!" Korvus called after them. He turned to Ironbeak. "I have six birds serving under me now, and all you have is your crow. This shows I'm superior to you."

"At least I didn't think that there was a catfish with magical powers!" the raven general sneered.

"Do NOT start fighting again," Breeze groaned, "We're in a situation!"

The ravens grumbled and stopped.

"Well," said the author, "I'm having writer's block. So I'm gonna introduce some new characters and see where that takes us."

"No, please don't!" Matthias groaned.

"Fine," the writer said, "I won't make them appear all at once."

"We should fight back!" Veil whispered, staring at the large adder.

"It's Baliss," Bluefen whispered, "We can escape now, he can't see us."

The adder turned towards them. "Asssssmodeussssss!"

"You're wrong," Swartt taunted, "Ha ha!"

"C'mon, we needa do something!" Veil said.

"Look out!" A voice called out.

A squirrel shot an arrow towards the menacing adder. Asmodeus shrugged it off, but he was surprised and slithered away, hissing.

"That works," Veil said.

Lady Amber stood next to him.

"See, I added a squirrel character!" The writer said.

"I- uh, thanks?" Bluefen said.

"Why did you save vermin?" The writer asked.

"Hmph!" The ferrets grunted.

"I'm not sure..." Lady Amber admitted, "What am I doing here anyway?"

"Don't ask," Swartt said, "Hey, where's everyone else?"

"Let's go find them," Bluefen said.

Meanwhile, Rose and Cornflower were desperate for a way out. Baby Rollo giggled and pointed up. There was a very large hole in the ceiling.

"We could have thought of that!" Cornflower grunted.

"Let's go," Rose said.

"I'm not tall enough to climb up!" Cornflower tried to reach but failed. She put Baby Rollo up on there.

"I'll give you a boost," Rose said.

"No, don't sacrifice yourself for me," Cornflower said dramatically, "Go on, you must marry Martin, I have already had a happy life. Go on and-"

"Just give me a pull up when you're there," Rose said.

"Oh, okay," the mousemaid stood on Rose's shoulders and then pulled her up.

The shadows had just made it to where they were once standing (Boy, it took them a long time to get there) and were shouting in some weird language. Rose and Cornflower took Rollo and looked around. They were in a square room, with nothing in it. At least it was a place to hide. But for how long?

"Uh, I think they're climbing in," Rose said.

"Patch the opening!" Cornflower shrieked.

"With what?!" Rose looked around the room wildly.

"Um, bubblewrap!"

Suddenly Rose was holding a bunch of bubblewrap.

"Wow this is getting stupid," she said, getting down to work.

Outside, the rest of them were looking for a way out of the park. Mattimeo tried to wander off and Martin kept making getaways to find Rose. Soon, both of them were tied to a leash.

"Now what?" Breeze asked.

"Hey guys!" a new voice called.

Matthias groaned. Dotti bounded up to the crowd.

"Hi, I'm Dotti," she said, "But call me Dorothea Duckfontein Dillworthy."

Dorothea Duckfontein Dillworthy-

"NO DON'T START THAT!" Sela cried.

Fine... Dotti ran over to where Jodd, Basil, and Breeze were standing.

"Hello," Basil said, "Basil Stag Hare, at your service."

"Greetings, Ma'am," Jodd said, "I'm Wilthurio Longbarrow Sackfirth Toxophola Fedlric Fritillary Wilfrand Hurdleframe Longarrow Leawelt Pugnacio Cinnabar Hillwether-"

"Shut up!" Breeze said, "Just call him Jodd."

"Jodd, eh? Well I'm glad there's other attractive hares here besides me," Dotti said, pushing Breeze away.

"Are you sayin' I'm not attractive?" Breeze growled.

Dotti giggled, "Well, we can't all be like Dotti, can we?"

"You're beautiful," Jodd said.

"I saw her first!" Basil pushed him.

"I thought you two were fighting over me!" Breeze stared at them.

"Dotti's prettier," Jodd explained.

"Hmmph," Breeze turned towards the Doom Bunny.

"You still love me, right?"

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

"Yeah..."

"PLEASE concentrate!" Matthias groaned, "We're in a situation here!"

_Chapter break! Well, a lot of conflicts. What will become of the doomwytes in their seemingly innocent mission to find cotton candy and maybe a root beer? Will Rose and Cornflower and Rollo make it out alive? Where are Redtooth and Gonff? Oh, and Cluny, but still no one cares. Yeah, I wrote this chapter when I was tired, so excuse any... strange events that happened. Oh no, I'm running out of ideas... NOT SO FAST! I still have some more in me ;) but suggestions are welcome. _


	7. Reunited For Now

_Hehe, I forgot to mention. Yes this is inspired by a certain story called "Redwall and the Haunted Mansion". ;) Also I just realized that this whole time Fring is suppossed to be Frang o.o Ah well, he is a minor character. _

"So, then, I was just about to pick the strange hamburger up," Murig continued his story, "but then I saw-"

"PLEASE!" moaned Tarul, "Skip to the last sentence!"

"It turns out it was the very same chicken," Murig concluded.

Every bird stared at him. The doomwytes were looking for cotton candy for Korvus.

"I bet Ironbeak doesn't make his army do stupid tasks," FRANG (hehe I got it right) grunted.

"Nor does he kill his own birds," Veeku commented, remembering his own death.  
"And isn't crazy and talks to a fish," Vugri added.

Suddenly they heard a dull hissing. They turned to see Baliss, the adder that they were terrified of in their lifetime. Not to mention, Vugri was eaten by him in the book, so that wasn't going to end well. They decided not to take their chances and fly off. As they flew up, Baliss caught Frang by his wing. The raven cawed and flapped madly, but none of the other doomwytes felt like going near the adder's mouth.

"You know, this means only two more of us will die," Purz said.

"Help me!" Frang cried out.

"Oh, give me a break!" A voice sounded, "You're just gonna let him get eaten?"

"Yeah, basically," Veeku said.

"Ugh."

Skarlath the kestrel circled overhead. He dove down, snatched Frang in his talons, and flew back up to where the goup of birds were hovering.

"See, SOME birds are nice enough to save someone else's life," Frang said.

"Don't be so helpless," Veeku scolded, "Save your own life once in awhile."

"Oh," Frang turned to Skarlath, "I, uh, thank you..."

"Don't mention it," the kestrel said.

"This is all very touching, but if you didn't realize, there is a giant adder waiting for us down on the ground," Tarul grunted.

"If we fly high enough, maybe we can get out of this stupid story," Purz suggested.

"Shut up, you haven't been in it as long as some of us," Murig said.

"I'm not letting any of you leave," the writer said, "They is an invisible barrier around Disneyland. You cannot escape that easy."

They all grumbled, except for Skarlath, who was confused about this 'story'.

Meanwhile, Rose and Cornflower were sitting in the strange room, looking for a way out. "This is getting really stupid," Cornflower said.

"What is?" Rose asked

"This story thing," Cornflower answered, staring at the bubblewrap.

"Just go along with it, don't make the writer mad," Rose said.

"Bubble!" Rollo giggled, popping part of the bubblewrap.

"No, Rollo," Cornflower picked him up, "That's the only thing keeping us from the dark things."

"He's gonna have good dreams tonight," Rose commented.

"Well if you're not gonna tell the kid the truth-"

"Wait, Cornflower!" Rose said, peering through the bubblewrap, "I don't see any of them!"

Rose ripped the bubblewrap off and jumped down. Cornflower followed, holding Baby Rollo.

"Look, the exit isn't blocked anymore!" Rose pointed out.

The two mousemaids (Micemaids? Mousemaids? Whatever...) ran outside, greeting the fresh air.

"It's strange they just left like that," Cornflower said.

"Shh, don't question it," Rose looked around, then whispered "Or they'll be back." _insert dramatic music here_

"Ooookay?" Cornflower shook her head, "Let's just find the rest of them."

"We don't have to find them, I hear 'em," Rose said, pointing in a certain direction that the author is to lazy to say where they are.

"%#*!" They heard Breeze shout.

"Yeah, well, *&#%$!" Dotti screamed back.

"Both of you %#$^&!" Tsarmina yelled.

"%&*$#!" Mattimeo yelled out, not wanting to miss out.

"Mattimeo!" Cornflower scolded, coming up to them, "Don't swear like that! Just for that, tonight you're going to have to scrub your mouth! Then you will eat the soap!"

"Cornflower!" Matthias shouted, hugging her.

"Rose!" Martin shouted, running up to her but closed his eyes so he didn't realize he was hugging Badrang instead.

"%$#&*!" Badrang yowled. Martin jumped back in surprise.

"You too, mister," Cornflower scolded, "You'll have to scrub your mouth tonight!"

"And eat it," Martin sneered.

"Same for you, young ladies!" Cornflower turned to Tsarmina, Dotti and Breeze. They groaned.

Before they could do anything else, a piece of paper fluttered down to them.

"OH MY GOD ITS A MESSAGE FROM BEYOND THE BEYOND!" Chickenhound screamed, grabbing it.

"What's it say?" Nightshade asked.

"I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T READ!" Chickenhound answered, still shouting. He put on the mask.

"But I can," Slagar said. Everyone stared at him. "It says... uh...."

"Oh, gimme that!" Sela said, "You are a poor excuse for a son!"

"I ain't your son, woman!" Slagar said, "Your son was Chickenhound, who was eaten by Asmodeus!"

"Oh shut up," the vixen growled, "Anyway, this says: _If you want to advance in the dumb plot, go on the Indiana Jones ride_."

"HEY!" The writer shouted, "YOU WEREN'T SUPOSSED TO LEARN THAT!"

"Let's go!" Nightshade called out.

"Um, remember, we don't even know what the heck it is, let alone where it is," Cornflower reminded her.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" She screamed like a psycho, running away.

"DON'T disappear like the others!" Matthias dragged her back.

"If my doomwytes were here, then they could scout out this 'India John' thing," Korvus said.

"You idiot, it's _Indian Jonas_!" Ironbeak cawed.

"I heard it as Indiana Jones..." Mangiz said under his breath.

"Be quiet!" Ironbeak grunted to the crow, "Maybe you should go find this Indian Johns, because you _are_ a seer, you can find it with a vision or something."

"Welzz could do it, if Baliss didn't kill him," Korvus grumbled.

Sicariss suddenly appeared on his head. "He isn't really, I've been trying to tell you this for a long time!"

"Nightshade is a seer," Mangiz said, "Why not her?"

"BOTH of you then," Ironbeak said.

"I, uh, only take orders from Swartt," Nightshade said, not wanting to do this.

"Go do whatever the bird just said," Swartt instructed, walking up. He, Veil, and Bluefen had finally come back. They didn't get the same welcome Rose and Cornflower got.

"Fine," Nightshade pouted.

The two seers left to find the Indiana Jones ride. Everyone waited for an hour. They didn't come back. Everyone waited for two hours. They didn't come back. Everyone waited for-

"WE GET IT!"

The author pouted and waited for the two seers to return. They heard wingbeats, and thought it was Mangiz. No, it was just those dumb doomwytes.

"HEY!" Tarul shouted.

"I'm not a doomwyte!" Skarlath declared.

Then the seers returned

"We didn't find anything," Mangiz said.

Nightshade giggled.

"But we did find something that would be useful to you," she said, "It's called common sense."

Everyone stared at her.

"Turn around," Mangiz said blankly.

They did. It turns out, they were at the entrance to the ride this whole time. Ignoring sarcastic comments from Mangiz and Nightshade, the group went inside.

"I think we're in some sort of temple," Rose said.

"Oh really?" Martin grunted. He really did not want to be here.

They reached the cars. They all climbed in with no particular order.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Martin held back.

"C'mon, it'll be fun!" Rose pulled him in, "We have to advance through the plot, ya know."

The cars began to move forward. They entered the Chamber of Destiny.

"Sounds cool!" Matthias said.

"Let's see... do I want the Fountain of Youth or the Observatory of the Future? That would be good, to see how Matti is going to grow up," Cornflower said, seeing the three doors.

"Chamber of Earthly Riches!" All of the vermin, plus a few of the abbeybeasts, but they wouldn't admit it. The cars steered towards that door, and they entered a corridor. At the end of the tunnel, a large idol had flashing eyes.

"What is that?" Sela asked.

"Foolish mortals! You-"

"It's the voice from the haunted mansion!!!!!!" Basil shouted.

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE-" Slagar began to shout.

"IF ANYONE SHOUTS 'OH MY GOD IT'S THE...' AGAIN, I WILL KILL THEM!" Constance appeared in a random car.

"As I was SAYING before I was so RUDELY interuppted," the idol said, "You have-"

The cars turned the corner before he could finish.

"I am so unappreciated," the idol grumbled to himself.

The cars made a sharp turn into the Tunnel of Torment.

"That sounds bad..." Dotti said.

They began to go over the Cavern of Bubbling Death, which contained a rickety old bridge that looked like it was about to burst into flames, which was suspended over boiling magma.

"I WANNA GO HOME!" Chickenhound clutched Sela. Just as they were about to leave the cavern, the mask of Slagar flew out of Chickenhound's grasp and fluttered down to the lava below.

"SLAGAR NOOOO!!!!!" Chickenhound yowled.

"Get over it!" Sela puched him off of her, sending him down to the floor of the car, "I doubt that's real lava."

"This is lame," Mattimeo grumbled as they passed through a room with skeletons jumping out at them.

The rest of them screamed the whole time. They went through multiple perils, until they entered a dark place. They looked around, but saw nothing. Suddenly they saw a rope (the one Indiana Jones is meant to be hanging onto), which Cluny was clutching for dear life.

"Back up, let me in!" he sobbed, "I'm loosing my grip."

No one cared. Suddenly theyrealized a massive boulder was hurdling towards them. They all screamed and the cars started up. In terror, Cluny let go of the rope and fell. He landed on top of Bluefen.

"Get off my woman!" Swartt grabbed the big rat and threw him into the back seat. "I'm drivin' this car and savin' you all!"

He thought he was driving as he sped towards the exit, and they made a drop, sending all of the creatures screaming.

"Save me!" Tsarmina dug her claws into the nearest creature, who happened to be Badrang. The stoat yelped in pain.

At the end of the ride, many of them were crying from fright. Except Rollo, who was giggling.

"We advanced in the plot, I guess," Purz said.

"Thanks to me, I saved you all!" Swartt said.

"Sssshut up, Ssswartt," Sicariss said, who was perched on Korvus's head.

"That was scary," Cluny said, "There were these... things... and..."

Before he could explain, he passed out. Before anyone said anything, the writer made them all appear back at the hotel.

_Whoohoo! New character, Skarlath. And Cluny's back, and I have many things planned for him in the next chapter. The next chapter will be a break from this stupid plot and will be a very funny hotel scene including:_

_ • Badrang and Clogg get drunk_

_ • Cluny gets hyper_

_ • Dotti and Breeze have a major catfight_

_ • Korvus declares war on Ironbeak_

_ • The most massive pillowfight you will ever see_

_ And more! So be prepared for the worst. Also, Slagar will be back. Mwhahahahahahahaha*cough*hahaha!_


	8. The Hotel Scene of Doom

_Warning: I wrote this chapter when I was bored, tired, and I didn't plan it, so I made it as I went along. Be prepared for the worst, as I said in the previous chapter._ _Also, I just realized that I forgot about Lady Amber and Warthorn..._

They all sat in the lobby of the hotel.

"These chapter breaks are beginning to annoy me," Matthias grunted.

The hares were nowhere to be found. Before long, a few of the hotel staff members ran outside screaming. Matthias, Martin, and Mattimeo (too many 'M's!!!) all ran to investigate. Matthias pushed Mattimeo back, saying he was too young. After much whining, he sat down in a chair, sulking.

"Why not us?" Rose asked

"Because they're the warriors," Cornflower answered.

"But I died in a battle... that doesn't make me count as a warrior?"

"Nope," Cornflower turned back to tend to Baby Rollo.

Rose pouted. As they waited for the warriormice to come, Korvus was trying to explain to Skarlath what this 'story' is, but the krestel would not comprehend. Cluny was still passed out, but no one really payed attention.

Meanwhile, Matthias and Martin journeyed into the kitchen, where they heard a bunch of noise.

"Wait, I don't have a sword!" Matthias said.

"What is your sword anyway?" Martin asked.

"Yours," Matthias answered.

"YOU THEIF! YOU CROOK! I WORKED HARD TO EARN THIS SWORD AND YOU JUST STEAL IT FROM ME AND USE IT AS YOUR OWN!" Martin hollered.

"YOU helped me find it," Matthias backed away, "With my dreams."

"That wasn't me," Martin said.

"Um, yeah it was," Matthias was confused.

"No, see, I was taking a vacation, so the ghost you saw was my replacement," Martin explained.

"Huh?" Matthias shook his head.

"WHY is it that when I try to explain the career of being a ghost, everyone gets confused?"

"It's a career choice?" Matthias asked, "Does it pay well?"

"Shhhh! I hear something!" Martin stuck his head inside the kitchen, "Something that sounds like groaning."

"Let's go see," Matthias began to walk inside.

"Come back here, Mr. I', we need to take this one step at a time," Martin pulled him back.

"...what is Mr. I'msoawesome-"

"Forget it!" Martin sighed.

"I say we go see what the problem is," Matthias said.

"Do what I say, Mr. '."

"........what?"

"UGH!!!"

The two 'warriors' finally went inside the kitchen, where they saw a very ugly sight. Jodd was sitting infront of the refridgrator, stuffing himself silly. Basil was passed out on a table with a pie tin on his face, and the pie splattered about his body, which is where the groaning sound came from. Dotti cornered two of the chefs, a third one being held hostage, demanding they make her a special, customized cake. Breeze was cooking some horrible-smelling soup. What can I say? They're hares.

"Ugggghhhh!" Basil groaned.

"Wha-?" Jodd looked over his shoulder after devouring an apple whole.

"Dotti, let them go!" Martin rushed over to the haremaid.

' "Breeze, whatever that is, stop it before you kill someone!" Matthias ran over to her.

"I'm makin' stew," Breeze told him.

"Is stew meant to be red and chunky and smells like the rear end of an elephant?"

"Are you insulting my cooking?" She hurdled some 'stew' at him with her ladle. He ducked in the nick of time before the substance hit him. After Martin released the prisoners, he dragged Jodd away from the fridge and Matthias carried Basil out. Breeze and Dotti unwillingly followed them back to the lobby.

"There you are!" Cornflower said, "Um, are they okay?"

"Jodd's giving me multiple death threats for separating him from his food, and I think Basil just slipped into a food coma. Um... a bad kind of food coma," Martin answered.

"I wasn't asking you!" Cornflower glared, "I was talking to my husband."

Matthias sneered at Martin.

"Hey guys, where's the Doom Bunny?" Swartt asked.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!"

On a bell cart, he came rushing by, with Clogg pushing it. laughing madly as he jumped on behind him.

_Boom! Crash!_

"Let's ignore that," Tsarmina said. Everyone agreed.

Suddenly the author got bored. That is not good.

"Everyone, back to your rooms. Clogg goes in the room with Martin, Tsarmina, and Badrang. Skarlath goes with the birds, and Dotti goes with the hares," she said, ignoring the groans.

They all appeared in their rooms. In case you forgot who was in which room, here's a rundown:

Martin, Tsarmina, and Badrang all share a room.

Bluefen, Cornflower, Veil, Mattimeo, and Baby Rollo

Matthias, Chickenhound, Rose, Warthorn, and Swartt.

Ironbeak, Skarlath, Mangiz, Korvus Skurr, and the Doomwytes.

Sela, Nightshade, and the Doom Bunny.

Jodd, Basil, Dotti, Lady Amber, and Breeze.

Cluny sleeps outside, but tonight, since he's out cold, we'll put him in Sela and Nightshade's room. Lady Amber and Warthorn can join other creature's rooms. And Rose is moved to Matthias, Chickenhound, Warthorn, and Swartt's room.

They all sighed. But now, the chaos was about to begin.

"I don't wanna be in a room with ferrets," Mattimeo complained.

"I don't wanna be in a room with mice," Veil sneered.

Cornflower was putting Baby Rollo in bed when the two young creatures lunged at each other. She whirled around and was caught by a flying pillow that Mattimeo had hurled at Veil. She glared at her son, then picked up the pillow and ran toward him, poised to strike. Mattimeo squeaked and laughed as he ducked under the bed. Bluefen watched, glad her son wasn't so barbaric. Then Veil hit her with his pillow. She squeaked in alarm, and wretched the pillow from his paws. He made a sound that seemed like a cross between a dying cat, a terrified canary, and a sort of 'meep' sound as he dived for cover.

In the next room, Badrang and Clogg were arguing over something stupid. Martin said it was who could drink the most rum, but Tsarmina thought it was about who was hotter: Attila the Hun or Edward Cullen? Either way, it was a heated battle. Finally, they settled for Martin's idea, and brought out many bottles of rum and beer.

"Look away, this might get ugly," Tsarmina said.

They didn't watch as the two stoats began their... contest.

In the room across the hall, Cluny was beginning to wake up. Sela was about to knock him out again with a metal bat, but Nightshade held her back. The oversized rat looked around.

"Wow... I went to some land with colorful people and a yellow-green road, and I had to defeat the wicked witch of the southwest, and I teamed up with a giant doll, an iron man, and a tiger, in a land of Zo."

All of them stared at him.

"Um, it was a dream..." Sela said.

"Oh, but it _wasn't_ a dream! It was a place! And you - and you - and you - and you were there. But you couldn't have been, could you?" He pointed at the vixens and the Doom Bunny.

Sela knocked him out again with her bat.

"Thank you," Nightshade said.

He snapped back awake. "I'm hungry," he said. He got to his paws and got on the phone.

"Yes, I would like to order room service. What would I like to order? Finally, someone cares about my opinion. Could you send up five dozen cookies, ten of those big lollipops, three cakes, five pies, a metal bat, seventy tootsiepops, a big tub of whipped cream, and a large bag of pure sugar, all to room A56."

"Sir, do you realize how much this will cost?" the person on the phone said. But Cluny had already hung up.

After they waited for awhile, there was a knock on the door. Sela answered it, but was pulled outside by an angry Constance.

"Was it YOU who ordered so much junk and made me work my tail off?!" She growled.

"It- it was Cluny!"

Constance threw her down and grabbed Cluny. He begged for mercy as he his feet were dangling in the air.

"ENJOY... YOUR... FOOD!" Constance growled and threw him onto the bed and left, slamming the door.

Nightshade crawled out from under the bed where she had taken refuge. "That badger has anger management issues!"

Constance charged in again and grabbed Nightshade by her neck. The badger then got a call on her phone to deliver 420 pillows to room A54. She released the vixen and went to make the delivery. Cluny had already gotten into his very sugary food, and after only five minutes was buzzing.

Meanwhile, Constance delivered the 420 pillows to the room where a pillowfight was going on.

"We needa team up," Mattimeo said, "Veil, it hurts me, but we must join forces!"

"Okay," Veil said, "We must make a fort somewhere!"

"Me and you, Cornflower!" Bluefen said, "C'mon, let's take this into the lobby!"

Before long, Veil and Mattimeo set up their pillow fort in the lobby. They both were armed with a pillow, and were on guard.

"I got an idea," Mattimeo said, "We get more recruits!"

"Okay... go ahead, I'll hold down the fort," Veil said.

"Why am I the one to go find some?" the mouse asked.

"More woodlanders would join a mouse then a ferret," Veil shrugged, "I'm not sure why."

Mattimeo grunted and went off, still clutching his pillow in case he needed it.

As that was happening, Badrang and Clogg were finished with their contest. Clogg won, paws down. But both of them had a lot of rum. Martin hid under the bed and Tsarmina was taking refuge in the closet as the two stoats became drunk. They started to... sing a duet...

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie 

That's amore 

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine 

That's amore

Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling 

And you'll sing "Vita Bella" Hearts will play

tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay 

Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fagiole 

That's amore

 When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet

 You're in love 

When you walk in a dream but you know you're not 

Dreaming signore 

Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli

 That's amore"

"STOP RIGHT NOW!" Martin, Tsarmia, and the writer begged.

"Hehehe..." Badrang ran outside into the lobby.

Clogg inhaled more wine that he found and then followed.

Martin and Tsarmina shuddered. At that point Mattimeo poked his head in.

"Either of you want to join the greatest pillow war ever?"

Tsarmina and Martin shrugged and joined. Martin went on Bluefen and Rose's side, while Tsarmina wanted to be her own queen and made her own fort. They got really into their game, naming their 'kingdoms'. Bluefen, Martin, and Cornflower's kingdom was the Kingdom of Sweets, Mattimeo and Veil's was The Veiled Kingdom (Veil insisted), and Tsarmina named her's Kotir (original, eh?). Soon, everyone joined in the war. The Kingdom of Sweets had recruited Matthias, Rose, Sela, Swartt, Jodd, Dotti, Purz, Skarlath, Korvus Skurr, and Frang. The Veiled Kingdom got Chickenhound, Warthorn, Breeze, Basil, Ironbeak, Mangiz, the Doom Bunny, Murig, and Nightshade. The Kotir Kingdom, or Queendom, had the rest whom the writer is too lazy to name. But Tsarmina had not recruited a lot of them.

"This is stupid," the writer said to herself.

"We declare war of the Kingdom of Sweets!" Mattimeo, the duke of the Veiled Kingdom, declared to Cornflower, the president of her kingdom (is that possible? ...now it is!)

Cluny was nowhere to be found. Everyone was hyper, but no one was as hyper as Cluny. He literally bounced around his room, giggling and singing random songs. Then he burst through the door. He looked around and found an emergency axe behind glass. He used his oversized tail to smash through the window and took the axe out.

"!!!!" The writer was hiding behind her chair.

He ran around, chopping all the walls and everything in sight. Fortunately, he never found any of the other creatures in this story, because they were too busy fighting each other with pillows. But there was a mishap involving an old, short, hairy guy, but that's a different story.

Meanwhile, Veil was leading a his group to attack the enemy kingdom. They were all armed with feather pillows. Unfortunately, Cornflower saw them and led an ambush.

"YAAAAAH!!!!"

Feathers were flying, and some creatures were knocked senseless. Tsarmina's group found them and charged. Before long, feathers lay everywhere and many of them were either knocked out or fell asleep. Constance the maid walked in, saw the carnage, and left without a word. She woke up screaming the next morning...

Anyway, Cluny was still on a rampage. He got out shredded cheese and scattered it everywhere, singing strange songs. Then he broke out into a dance, which involved the cancan, the worm, and flailing limbs randomly.

"Me gusta ost og als het een laamojen!!!" He screamed. (If you could understand that, you deserve 100 dollars)

"We will we will rock you!

Here's a llama

There's a llama

And another little

I'm freeeeeee, freeeeeeeee faaaallin'

I believe I can fly!

I believe I can touch the sky!"

At this point, he was jumping over bookcases and couches and chairs and anything else that got in his way. He began twitching. The sugar craze was beginning to subside. He took a big bottle of coke and glugged it down. He began to buzz again.

Then he heard a noise. He took his axe and raced towards it. It was coming from the bathroom. He decided it would be a cooler entrance if he kicked the door down, but that resulted in his paw aching and being forced to actually turn the doorknob. He shrieked and began to wave his axe around.

Meanwhile (I say that too much), the creatures were beginning to stir. Martin, Rose, Cornflower, and Matthias (I suppose they're the main characters all of the sudden...) woke up to the sound of screaming and maniacal laughter. They decided either something bad was happening, or that Cluny was watching a My Little Pony movie. Either way, they had to do something. The four mice rushed off. Lady Amber saw them and went after them, to make sure they didn't get hurt. She decided squirrels were superior to mice. Warthorn saw her leave, and decided that otters were superior to squirrels who are superior to mice.

They all met up at the door to the bathroom. There were hoots of laughter coming from inside. They opened the door and saw Cluny swinging his axe at one of the dark figures. But it was still shapeless and shadowy in the light (how'd that happen? ooooh). The thing screamed and lid out the window, Cluny in pursuit.

"Get back here!" Amber called out.

Back in the lobby, Dotti and Breeze were awake. They glared at each other, feelings of loathing pounding through their veins. They started to sing (and remember that Dotti is a horrible singer).

_I do not own the following song from Wicked ;)_

Dotti: WHAT IS THIS FEELING  

SO SUDDEN AND NEW?

Breeze: I FELT THE MOMENT 

I LAID EYES ON YOU ...

Dotti: MY PULSE IS RUSHING ..

Breeze: MY HEAD IS REELING ...

Dotti: MY FACE IS FLUSHING ...

Both together: WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

 FERVID AS A FLAME ,

DOES IT HAVE A NAME?

 YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

LOATHING

UNADULTERATED LOATHING ...

Dotti: FOR YOUR FACE...

Breeze: YOUR VOICE ...

Dotti: YOUR CLOTHING ...

Breeze: But we're animals...

Dotti: No one cares!

Both together: LET'S JUST SAY -- I LOATHE IT ALL!

 EV'RY LITTLE TRAIT, HOWEVER SMALL

 MAKES MY VERY FLESH BEGIN TO CRAWL 

WITH SIMPLE UTTER LOATHING 

THERE'S A STRANGE EXHILARATION IN

SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION

 IT'S SO PURE! SO STRONG!

 THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST 

STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST

 AND I WILL BE LOATHING

 LOATHING YOU 

MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!

They finished their song, and then lunged at each other. Some of the other creatures woke up when they were singing and started to cheer on the catfight. Then Jodd and Breeze began to bet on the winner. The birds, except Skarlath, who was staring at the haremaids, were outside on the roof.

"General Ironbeak, you have insulted my kingdom of Doomwytes for too long now. You pose a threat to our society," Korvus cawed, "We are very happy to declare war on your army."

"What army?" Ironbeak asked. The only bird standing beside him was Mangiz.

"That counts," Korvus said, who had six birds and a snake backing him.

"I challenge you to a duel," Ironbeak said, "To make this fight more fair."

"Bring it on!" Korvus said, though he was a smaller raven then Ironbeak. He had confidence in his own ability... he hoped.

Meanwhile, the mice and squirrel and otter watched Cluny chase the dark figure around the street, flailing his axe. Finally he knocked it down, but before he could slash it, Matthias came and tackled him. He wanted the thing alive. They tied it up and took it back to the hotel.

"Finally, we can see what we're up against," Martin said.

"Yes, and ask where Gonff and Redtooth are," Matthias added.

They untied the thing. It was just a shape, maybe it was covered in a black cloth? They decided to take what looked like a cloth off. Before they could, Cluny rushed in, his axe over his head. The thing shrieked and fled, diving out the window.

"We were so close!!!" Matthias screamed in frustration.

"AHHH!!!!"

They heard a scream. Cornflower rushed in.

"Baby Rollo is missing, and the window is open!"

There was another scream. Warthorn came rushing in.

"Lady Amber disappeared! She was right next to me, then I heard her scream and she was gone"

There was yet another scream. Basil ran in.

"We're all out of pudding!"

"Two more are missing?" Martin was _not_ in the mood, "I _really_ wish we could just get out of here."

"You will, as soon as you discover the secrets," the writer reassured him, "And after three of you die."

"Two, only two now," Chickenhound sobbed, "Remember Slagar?" He started sobbing.

"This was a really stupid chapter," Breeze said, "I mean, I had to sing."

"I'm a much better singer than you!" Dotti boasted. Everybeast stared at her.

_Why, yes it was stupid. Hehe, I warned you. Where is Rollo and Lady Amber? What will become of Korvus and Ironbeak? Who will win in the end? Where are Gonff and Redtooth? Will they find what the heck the annoying shadow things are? Will Breeze and Dotti get along? Will Basil find the pudding? Will they ever get out of Disneyland? Will readers threaten me until I finally reveal what the shadow things are? Is Slagar really gone? How long will this stupid story go on? Will I stop asking questions? _


	9. The Annoying Chapter With No Answers

_Hm... there's too many villains. Not enough good characters... but I also need more villains... hmmm... there's too many birds... _

_ Matthias: No! No more characters!_

_ Shut up, remember what I told you in the first chapter?_

_ Matthias: No!_

_ I'm taking away your privileges to talk. Anyway, I need more heroes..._

_ Matthias made angry grunting sounds and left._

_ Also, maybe I should kill someone in this chapter... that sounds morbid, but I do have to keep up that whole 'three of you will die' business. Hm... go ahead and vote for who you want to die. I may or may not consider it, you can never tell with writers ;) Also..._

_ Kelaiah: Go ahead and draw that picture ;) I wanna see it. (sorry it took me so long)_

_ Please excuse the lateness of this chapter. My computer's been having a couple issues,and I've been too lazy. But I have a lot of the chapters now so I guess I'll upload them all at once to make up for it._

"Owww my head!" Badrang woke up on the couch in the lobby with a throbbing pain in his skull, "What happened last night?"

"Nothin' out of the ordinary," Martin sneered.

"Shuddup," the stoat growled, "Ugh, where's that Clogg?"

There was a scream as Rose opened a closet and a sleeping Tramun Clogg came falling out on top of her. It took the combined efforts of Martin, Matthias, and Basil to get him off of her. Of course, Clogg was still asleep. They pushed him under the couch and were done.

Meanwhile, Baby Rollo sat outside the hotel in the grass. He giggled. You had to be as small as him to squeeze through that window. He toddled around, looking for something to do. Never leave a very smart toddler bankvole alone. He found what looked like a rabbit hole. He was just small enough to squirm through it.

Cornflower and Matthias were rushing around the room where Rollo made his escape. Mattimeo was nowhere to be seen, but his parents were busy with the Rollo problem. Warthorn took Rose and Martin and they looked for Lady Amber. But it wasn't too successful.

"What will we do?" Cornflower was terrified.

Matthias was silent and glared at the mean writer.

"The window's open!" Cornflower shrieked, "He was kidnapped!"

Matthias then spotted the bankvole crawling into the rabbit hole. Of course, he couldn't say anything. He made odd squeaks and large gestures, but Cornflower only looked at him like he had two heads and backed away slowly before fleeing out the door.

They didn't realize there was a huge battle going on on the roof.

"Why did you say 'on' twice?" Swartt asked.

"..." The writer explained.

"Was it a typo?"

"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!" The writer roared.

Anyway, Korvus and Ironbeak were having a birdfight. (Wait... according to the top part, it's morning, but now it's the same night... NO ONE CARES!!!) Mangiz and the Doomwytes (hehe it still sounds like a rockband) were watching from a distance. They were a bundle of black feathers and beaks, trying to scratch each other with beaks or talons. Overall, the other birds thought it was hilarious.

"We do not!" Tarul said, "This is annoying!"

The writer ignored him. The writer had writer's block, so she decided to introduce more characters. Somewhere in the lobby below, Matthias suddenly got a chill.

Stryk Redkite swooped down in front of the two fighting ravens. Ironbeak shrieked, threw

Korvus off of him, and hid behind Mangiz, who was looking at him strangely. Korvus laughed until the otter Zaran the Black came up behind him. He made a 'meep' sound and flew behind his doomwytes.

"Why did you just make our enemies come?" Ironbeak asked the writer.

"I thought it would make things more interesting," the writer answered.

"I'm not sure what's going on..." Stryk said.

"I was in the middle of my aerobic class!" Zaran growled.

At that moment, Korvus and Ironbeak flew down in a frenzy and through the window into the lobby. Mangiz and the doomwytes (hehe) followed. The otter and the kite shrugged and walked into the hotel through the front door.

In the kitchen, Breeze was making another stew. She tasted some in her wooden spoon.

"Hm... needs more cheese," she said to herself, "And tomato."

"Cheese and tomato?" Dotti commented, sitting on a chair, filing her nails, "That sounds absolutely discusting.

"Mind your own %#$%*#!% business!" The haremaid shouted, throwing some stew at Dotti's head with her spoon. Cornflower happened to be walking by at that moment.

"Breeze, come with me, I have to wash your mouth out. Ugh, kids these days," the mousemaid pulled Breeze by her long ear into the bathroom with the bad smelling soap.

"Technically, I'm older then you!" Breeze complained, "I'm in earlier books then you!"

"No need to brag," Cornflower said, "I know."

"But-"

Suddenly all of the creatures were back in Disneyland, because the writer wants to hurry this up a little. They all stood in Tomorrowland, in front of the Matterhorn where they had crashed.

"How long is this story going to be?" Tsarmina asked.

"I don't know... but there will be a sequel," the writer said. Everybeast groaned.

Breeze spat out the soap. Chickenhound tried to run away to go find Slagar and see if he was still alive, but Sela held him back.

"Hey, I'm getting tired of this," Mattimeo whispered to Veil.

"Ugh, tell me about it. At least you didn't almost drown!" the ferret whispered back harshly.

"Let's go see if we can find a way out of this dump," Mattimeo suggested.

"Why should I go with you?" Veil was beginning to dislike the little mouse.

"Because... you agreed with me," Mattimeo said.

"Whatever, anything to get away from mom. She's been bugging me lately."

"Oh Veil!" Bluefen called, "Did you remember to change your My Little Pony underpants this morning?"

"Yeah, let's go... NOW!" Veil grabbed Mattimeo and they sneaked away, unseen by any of the adults (is Veil an adult or a teenager? I don't know, it's been awhile... so don't hurt me please). Chickenhound saw them, and since Chickenhound is younger and Slagar is more of an older version, he decided to join them.

"No," Mattimeo said, "Just... no!"

"I'm coming with you to find Slagar!" Chickenhound said.

"No!" Veil growled.

"Yep, let's go, pals!" the fox dragged them along with him.

"NO!" both of them shouted. Somehow, the rest of the animals did not hear them.

Of course, Chickenhound has never been sane, so he thought Veil and Mattimeo were like his best friends. Reluctantly, they followed him as they looked for an escape route. The writer just chuckled at their desperate and useless attempts.

"The plane!" Mattimeo pointed to the wreck at the top of the Matterhorn.

"What about it?" Veil grunted.

"If we somehow fix it, then we can just fly out of here!" Mattimeo started to run towards the Matterhorn.

"This isn't gonna work," Veil said, but followed him anyway. Chickenhound followed only so he wouldn't be left behind by his 'friends'.

"How exactly do you propose to fix a plane wreck?" Veil asked as they climbed up the fake mountain.

"I'll figure something out, heroes in books always do!" Mattimeo said.

Veil grunted at the word 'heroes'. "You do realize you're with a ferret and a fox, right? We always seem to mess things up for you 'woodlanders'."

"Well if I have to, I can push you two off the mountain," Mattimeo said.

"Not if I push you first!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Oh, I will!"

Before any physical fighting began, they reached to plane. Chickenhound was tired and flopped on the ground, instantly beginning to snore.

"Well, Mr. Hero, let's see you get that metal junk into the air," Veil sneered, leaning against a rock.

"Hey, you're gonna help," Mattimeo said, "Or you're not going to come in it!"

Veil groaned and began to work. Frankly, that had no idea whatsoever what the heck they were doing. Neither of them were about to admit it though.

"This thingy looks like it exploded," Veil said, pointing to the engine.

"Ah, it doesn't look important. Toss it out," Mattimeo replied.

Veil threw the busted engine off the mountain. It hit someone in the head, but no one cared.

"I didn't tell you to throw it off!" Mattimeo said.

"You said 'toss it out', so I did!" Veil told him.

"Well we might have been able to use it for spare parts," Mattimeo glared.

"Why do you think your so smart?" Veil grunted, "All I know is that your a stuck up little brat who's spoiled by his warrior father and the rest of those stupid Redwallers."

Mattimeo drew a dagger which suddenly appeared in his belt. "Would you care to repeat that?"

"You're deaf now too, eh?" Veil suddenly was holding a dagger too.

"RUTABAGA!" Chickenhound cried out in his sleep.

The young mouse and ferret were about to lunge at each other, but then the wrecked plane slowly creaked. It unbalanced the ground they stood on and so it collapsed, sending Veil, Mattimeo, and Chickenhound falling into the Matterhorn.

"POTATOOOOOOOOO!" Chickenhound cried out as he fell, still asleep.

Meanwhile, the rest of the creatures were ignorant of those events.

"We need to focus on finding Gonff, Rollo, Lady Amber, and Redtooth," Martin said.

"Stryk and Skarlath can go scout something out," Breeze said, "If they want to."

Both being characters introduced later, they were confused.

"Um... sure," Stryk said.

"Whatever," Skarlath said.

The rest of the birds were trying to keep a low profile so they wouldn't be seen. None of them wanted to go scout out, especially because Stryk was known to have killed Ironbeak. The fact that there were seven ravens was making them nervous, because they all thought Stryk had something against ravens.

Meanwhile (my overused word), Baby Rollo was crawling through the tunnel. It became steeper and steeper until he could actually slide down it. He landed in some kind of water. It was deep, but because the writer is too lazy to make this realistic, he managed to swim to the shore. It was very dark. He then heard strange hissing.

"Ssssorry, my lord, they esssscaped," a voice said. Rollo didn't know it, but it was Baliss.

"And where is that fool, Asmodeus?" Another voice, which sounded ridiculously childish, but you could tell it was from an adult, said.

"Asssmodeussss doesssn't want to ssserve you," Baliss said, "He sssaid he ssserved no one but himssself."

"PLEASE stop the hissing, it's driving me mad!" The voice growled.

"Pleassse, let me try again. I sssmelled sssome raven which I vowed to kill one day, now isss my chance," Baliss hissed, remembering the scent of Korvus.

"I don't care, and STOP hissing," the voice said, "But I would like you to attack them once more. And if you spot that Asmodeus, please attack him, he might spoil my plans. Go away, I have important business to attend to."

"You mean your barbie dollsss?" Baliss asked.

"NO! Get moving!!!" The voice was angry. The giant snake hissed as he slithered away.

Rollo sat there, not understanding anything, but wasn't crying. He was smart for a baby, so he started to crawl around, looking for a way out.

"Oooh, Ken, I knew you were coming," the voice said in a girly voice.

"Don't worry, baby, I brought the donuts," it said in a deeper voice.

"Ohhhh kiss me now!!!"

"You look so hot right now, Barbie."

"MARRY ME, KEN! RIGHT NOW!"

"The wedding's in five minutes!"

"I NEED MY TWENTY WEDDING DRESSES!"

"Oh snap," the voice said in the normal tone, "Where's my other dolls? I need their guests!"

Rollo ignored the strange voice. He stumbled over something.

"Huh? Who's there?" The voice said.

It was pitchblack, so Rollo had no idea where the voice was coming from. He tried to crawl away, but was caught in something's arms.

"Gotcha!"

As that was happening, Veil opened his eyes. Where was he? It seemed to be a cave or tunnel... but a shaft of light was coming from above. They were in the mountain.

"Ugh... uh... wha? Mattimeo? Where are you? ...are you alive? If not, please speak up."

He got to his paws. All he saw was the wrecked plane. It was a long drop. Had they survived the fall? He didn't exactly care whether or not Mattimeo lived, as mean as that sounds, because the mouse had really ticked him off. He wasn't too fond of Chickenhound either, but he didn't want to be alone.

"Chickenhound? Mattimeo? Um... anyone at all?"

Suddenly he heard some kind of roaring. He shrieked and fled the other way. He ran through the rocky tunnel, ignoring some sort of metal track in it. Then he suddenly fell when the floor gave in. He did not know where he was. It was very dark.

At the same time, Mattimeo was fighting his way out form under the plane. He squeezed out form under the collapsed wing, dragging with him an unconsious Chickenhound (which is strange, because Mattimeo's enemy is Slagar and they're the same fox... oh well).

"Where's that Veil? Hm, can't say I miss him. Jeez, wake up, Chickenhound."

He heard the roar. But he didn't run. He preferred to see what it was. Leaving the fox, he went to go investigate. He came upon a strange creature, with red eyes and shaggy white fur. It roared, but Mattimeo wasn't scared.

"Cmon kid, ya know the drill, you are supposed to scream," it said.

"Sorry, I'm not familiar with these rules," Mattimeo said.

"Ugh, we have to go over this don't we? Okay, when I roar, you scream, and-"

"Wait, I'm just passing by, I won't bother you," Mattimeo said.

"I can't know that for sure," the monster said, "I"m just a yeti, but I have to try to maintain the law, yes?"

"Well, yeah, but I won't bother you again," Mattimeo said, trying to get away but not angering the yeti.

"You know, people just go all willy-nilly, saying 'oh look, it's a cute little yeti!' and I'm trying to maintain the law of the Matterhorn, trying to be scary, and I just can't do it!" The yeti broke down into tears.

"Aw, it'll be okay," Mattimeo assured him, "Just work on your scare tactics. Threaten them, or start singing 'It's a Small World'."

"That would violate the laws of Disneyland!" The yeti shrieked, "I cannot sing a song from another ride! That violates code B54.2 of the Disneyland Ride Code."

"I have no idea what you just said," Mattimeo said, "But I have to go."

The yeti began to sob again. "Why do people not respect me?"

Mattimeo sighed. He really didn't have time for this.

"Um, I really gotta go..."

The yeti howled. Mattimeo sighed and sat down, trying to comfort him.

Meanwhile, Rollo bit the thing's hand.

"OW! You didn't have to bite me!" It shrieked.

Rollo crawled away, and found a small shaft of light. He peered through it. He couldn't see much, but he did see a raven he recognized walking by. Rollo made a small squeak, and the raven, who was Frang, heard him. He was frightened and ran away, screaming.

"What's wrong this time?" An annoyed Tarul grunted.

"I heard a sound! Over there!" Frang motioned towards Rollo, whom he did not see.

"You're imaging it," Tarul said.

"How do you know?!" Frang glared, "You weren't there!"

While they were arguing, Murig went and looked at the spot Frang had indicated.

"I don't see anything," He said.

Rollo made another squeak. Murig wasn't taken by surprise, and looked closer.

"Oh my God it's-"

Constance appeared out of nowhere next to him. He remembered that she said she'd kill the next creature to say that. Murig gulped and flew away. Then Constance got down and looked.

"It's Rollo!" She said, "Stand back, Rollo!"

She punched through the wall and retrieved the bankvole.

"Wow," Cornflower said, walking up, "What's that place?"

"YOU'RE NOT SUPOSSED TO FIGURE IT OUT TO LATER!" The writer boomed, "WHY ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO CHEAT!!??"

"This is a _really_ stupid story," Breeze commented.

"You _just_ realized this?" Dotti sneered.

Somewhere else, Baliss was slithering through the park. He caught smell of Asmodeus.

"You there!" Baliss called out.

"How do you sssee me?" Asmodeus asked, "You're blind."

"Sssshut up," Baliss replied, "You know to much about the plansss. Either join usss or you're our enemy."

"This is no way to ssspeak to your eldersss," Asmodeus hissed, "I'm your ancessstor, remember?"

"I don't care!" Baliss hissed.

"Does Uncle Asssmodeusss have to teach you sssome mannersss?" He reared up, ready to strike.

_ Questions but no answers pop out. Who is this 'Master'? Why does he not trust Asmodeus? Where are Redtooth, Gonff, and Amber? Will Rollo make it out? How long will my readers be able to stand it until I finally answer these questions and bring back the missing people? How long will this stupid story go on? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW!_

_ Coming up:_

_ -Epic adder fight_

_ -A depressed yeti gets therapy_

_ -The creatures loose control and can't stand each other much longer_

_ -Breeze and Dotti have a fight to the death (that can't be good)_

_ -Redtooth returns... kinda_

_ -Sela finds her long lost... I won't tell you_

_ -The grossest buffet ever_

_ For the record, it's really annoying to type the hissing of the adders. And this chapter I was reluctant to post because I don't really like it, so please be kind :)_


	10. Grossest Buffet EVER

_ I actually don't have anything to say for the author's note.... wait.... I just ruined it._

"...and when I was seven, my mom said my cat ran away. But he didn't run away! He couldn't of! I locked him in the closet all day without food or water!" The yeti said through sobs.

"There, there," Mattimeo comforted him patting his shoulder, "It'll be okay."

"And when I was ten, someone stole my Hello Kitty backpack! And the worst part is that they returned it to me! Then when I was fifteen, my girlfriend ran off with my ex..."

"What? Your girlfriend ran off with your ex-girlfriend?" Mattimeo backed away slowly.

"I think she was only trying to make the other one jealous," the yeti sobbed. He grabbed Mattimeo and hugged him.

"I reaaallly have to go now," Mattimeo said.

"NOOO!" The yeti bellowed.

"Uh, Yeti, I really gotta go," Mattimeo was getting really annoyed now.

"My name is not Yeti," the yeti corrected.

"Um........ what is it then?"

"Frank."

Frank got to his feet, allowing Mattimeo to leave.

"You taught me a valuable lesson, mousey," he said.

"What lesson?" Mattimeo asked, gasping for breath after almost being strangled by a yeti.

"...I don't know. But I promise, I'll come to you when you need me most," Frank said.

"How will you know?" Mattimeo asked.

"...I have my ways."

Mattimeo decided not to ask.

"Um... bye," he said, continuing through the tunnel.

Chickenhound was still snoring when Mattimeo got back to the plane wreck.

"Wake up," Mattimeo kicked the sleeping fox.

"Huh wha?" Chickenhound got to his paws. "I wasn't sleepin'!"

Mattimeo shook his head. He finally had a chance to take in his surroundings. He was in some sort of tunnel. Where though? He had no idea. Then he began to hear shouts for help. He ran over to see Veil at the bottom of a hole.

"Gemme out of here, mouse!" He shouted.

"I dunno," Mattimeo said, "You look pretty cozy in there."

Veil cursed at the mouse, but Mattimeo just laughed. Then Chickenhound ran over.

"GUYS, GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"What?!" Mattimeo asked.

"I SAW A GIANT ADDER!!!" Chickenhound yelled "HE'S COMING THIS WAY, SO TRY TO KEEP QUIET!!!"

"A giant adder?" Mattimeo was scared, "Like Asmodeus?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Chickenhound yelled, "BUT IT'S COOL!"

"STOP YELLING!" Veil shouted.

Mattimeo, frightened, jumped in the hole with Veil. Chickenhound stood there, staring into space.

"Here it comes!" He said. Mattimeo and Veil were trying to hide. Suddenly, a huge, horrible, deadly... worm slithered up.

"It's a worm..." Mattimeo said.

Chickenhound picked it up. "Opps, my mistake."

"How do we get out of here?" Veil asked.

"I dunno, but wake me up when you figure it out," Chickenhound said, closing his eyes to go to sleep. He was already snoring as the ferret and the mouse groaned.

Meanwhile, the group of animals were standing at the Matterhorn. Matthias looked around.

"Where's Mattimeo? And Cornflower?!" He somehow could talk again.

Then Bluefen cried out. "Veil's gone again!"

Sela noticed Chickenhound was gone, but she didn't care. Before they could do anything, Jodd pointed at the mountain.

"Look!"

They saw Cornflower standing next to one of the waterfalls. Some of the shadow things were attacking her. Matthias grabbed Martin's sword out of his paws and ran towards her. But he was too late, Cornflower plunged over the waterfall. He gasped and the creatures ran over to her.

"No... she's dead!" Matthias sobbed.

"Um... Matthias," Breeze said.

"It's my fault. If I had watched her closer-"

"Matthias!" Nightshade said.

"-maybe she wouldn't have died!"

Cornflower walked up to them. "Hey guys, look, I got some kettle corn! Hey, what's the fuss about?"

"What? Then... who is it?" Matthias looked at the mouse who he thought was his wife. Then he took a closer look.

"Why is Redtooth wearing a dress?" He asked blankly.

It had been Redtooth, dressed like Cornflower (which is really disturbing).

"WHY is Redtooth wearing a dress?" Matthias asked again.

"That's a good question, and deserves a good answer," the writer said.

"Um... he's dead," Tsarmina said, "We may never know where he was... or why the heck he's in a dress.

_Sorry to any readers who are disturbed by the thought of a rat wearing a dress._

"I'm hungry," Badrang complained, not really paying attention to what was going on.

They all stood outside of Disneyland. Everybeast cheered, thinking they had escaped.

"Nope," the writer said, "There are still my invisible walls. You can just go to a resturant."

They walked across the street and found a restaurant called 'Captain Kidd's'.

"Captain Kidd's?" Clogg walked up to the sign, "I'd like to meet this 'Captain Kidd'. I'm the real captain here!"

_I don't own Captain Kidds and please don't sue me for the description._

He got a large paintbrush (somehow) and painted over the 'Kidd's', renaming it 'Captain Clogg's'. The creatures all walked in. They saw really cheesey paintings of pirates and parrots and all that junk on the walls. The waitress was a snooty teenager who wouldn't smile or make eye contact.

"Right this way," she said in a bored voice.

They walked past the cheap gift shop and sat at their booth. They all went to the buffet part. How to describe the buffet? Well... here it goes.

The salad had jello in it, and the jello had salad in it. The orange chicken was basically like mashed up cardboard dunked in orange jello. The fried chicken seemed like a rock. The chips and salsa tasted like nothing. There were also some cream puff things. Of course, anything else there was unidentifiable because there were red lights under everything. Once they got their 'food', they all sat down. Most of them stared at it, picking at it with their forks. The hares scoffed their food down, even eating some of the other creature's food. Badrang and Rose were sitting together, and Martin was between Badrang and Tsarmina. Matthias was next to Cluny and Cornflower. It was beginning to get awkward.

"Hey..." Badrang said awkwardly to Rose, "Um, sorry 'bout that... thing."

"What?" Rose asked, looking at him strangely.

"Um... killing you and stuff..."

"Oh."

"I mean, you know how when a guy likes a girl, they hit them and put gum in their hair?" Badrang stared into her eyes.

"Yeah, but killing her is a bit drastic," Rose glared at him.

"Maybe... we could... start over?" The stoat asked hopefully.

Rose was silent. Martin was steaming, threatening to strangle Badrang. Tsarmina was staring at Badrang.

"No!" She said, and then punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, and Rose kicked him in the place you do not want to be kicked. He scrambled back up.

"I can take a hint," he said, getting back to his 'food'.

Tsarmina unsheathed her claws, but did nothing more... for now. Suddenly, Nightshade fainted. No one really noticed until she started screaming. Then she jumped on the table.

"I HAD A VISION!" She declared. She turned to Sela. "Sela!" She said, "You are my long lost-"

"GET OFF OF MY CHICKEN!" Basil shrieked, pushing the vixen off the table. She hit her head and passed out. Sela shrugged and sontinued to fight the unidentifiable substance on her plate, which was trying to crawl away.

Bluefen started sobbing. "It's okay," Swartt said, "You'll find him again."

"Swartt, go find your son!" Bluefen said for the second time in this story, "I have to scold him about his bad habit of disappearing."

"'You're not a great mother," a new voice said, "Veil needs a mother to be loving but teach him to make good choices."

Bryony was suddenly sitting in the seat across from Bluefen. Instantly, the ferret hated her son's adoptive mother.

"What he needs is his real mother, who is the same species as him!" She growled.

"At least I raised him," Bryony said.

"You didn't give birth to him!" Bluefen slammed her paw on the table.

"At least I didn't die!" Bryony slammed her paw, but then recoiled because she hit it too hard.

"At least I didn't lead Veil to his death!" Bluefen was starting to shout.

"At least I'm not a ferret!" Bryony said, crossing her arms.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Bluefen glared at her.

"AND I'm not married to a failure of a husband who thinks he's a warlord," the mousemaid continued.

"He's not a failure! He took over a lot of things... like... uh..."

"Like your father's horde," Bryony felt like she was winning.

"Ladies, ladies, don't fight about me!" Swartt tried to stop them from clawing each other's eyes out.

At that moment, Nightshade came back to her senses.

"TWIN SISTER!" She finished her sentence.

Sela cocked her head. "But... we're born in different time periods."

"Because of a rip in the space-time continuum, you were born in the future, but I was born in the past," Nightshade said.

"That makes _no_ sense," Sela scratched her head.

"And our parents are Plugg Firetail and Fortunata!" Nightshade said.

"NOW you've lost it," Sela said, "They were born a long time between each other! And neither of them had kids if you haven't noticed!"

Nightshade hugged her sister. "We gotta make up for lost time!"

The writer chuckled at her own insanity and the fact hat she could bend the fabrics of reality.

Meanwhile, Asmodeus and Baliss were fighting. They tried to bite one another, but both were too swift. Asmodeus finally cornered Baliss against a wall. Before he could make the final strike, he spotted a random shrew. Having a short attention span, he went after it. Baliss hissed at Asmodeus, and because he knew he was too weak, managed to escape before Asmodeus got back.

"HELP!" Veil cried out.

"GET US OUT!" Mattimeo shouted.

"It's no use," Veil said, "The only one here is Chickenhound."

Mattimeo sighed. "This is your fault."

"HOW could it possibly be my fault, Mr. I can fix a plane!"

"You fell down this hole!"

"You jumped in!"

Then Mattimeo got an idea.

"Lemme stand on your shoulders and I can climb out. If I make it, I'll pull you up."

"I don't trust you," Veil said, "So no!"

"C'mon, we're in this together, we can make it out," Mattimeo said.

"No," Veil declared, "I will not!"

Mattimeo sighed. It was obviously no use.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A RABBIT?!" Breeze lunged at Dotti with a fork.

"I DIDN'T CALL YA FOR DINNER!" He had her own fork. They fought on top of the table, kicking over dishes and glasses. They used their forks like swords, and both knew this was a fight to the death. In the chaos, Tsarmina lunged at Rose. She wasn't sure why, but she was jealous of her because Badrang liked her. In the chaos, all of the creatures began to attack each other. Cluny was wrestling Matthias, Badrang and Martin were having a slap fight. Korvus and Ironbeak were at each other's throats. Basil and Jodd were fighting over Dotti. Bluefen and Bryony were strangling each other. Swartt was yelling at the poor writer for not adding Sunflash. All the rest of them had a fight with the guy sitting next to them Breeze and Dotti threw their forks away and started to wrestle. They rolled around on the table. It was chaos.

Or, to the writer, it was hilarious.

***

"Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

Sweet Home Alabama

Lord, I'm coming home to you" Veil sang.

"STOP SINGING!" Mattimeo begged.

Veil grumbled. Then sang:

"Alabama getaway, getaway. Alabama getaway, getaway,

Only way to please me, ya just gotta leave and walk away"

"WHY are you singing about Alabama?" Mattimeo asked. Veil did not reply.

"I come from Alabama 

With my banjo on my knee

 I'm going to Louisiana, 

My true love for to see

("Um... I forgot the next verses," Veil said, "So I'll just skip them.")

Oh, Susanna,

 Oh don't you cry for me 

For I come from Alabama 

With my banjo on my knee"

By this time, Mattimeo gave up. Veil started to hum the song until Mattimeo punched him in the jaw. He was quiet after that.

_So... Redtooth is dead. That only leaves two. The suspense! So... they went to Captain Kidds and a huge fight broke out. And Veil and Mattimeo are trapped in a hole! _

_ Coming up:_

_ -Slagar actually returns!_

_ -Nightshade discovers that she and Sela have another sibling_

_ -Basil knows kung-fu!_

_ -Mattimeo and Veil are... friends?!?!?!?!_

_ -Matthias _sings

_ And more!_


	11. All's fair in Love and Foodfights

"Soooooooooomewheeeeeeeeere over the raaaainbow, waaaaaaaaaay up hiiiiiiiiigh!!!" Veil screeched, trying to sing. Mattimeo covered his ears.

"WHY ARE YOU SINGING!" He demanded.

"'CAUSE I'M BORED!" Veil answered. They were still trapped in the hole.

"There's gotta be a way out," Mattimeo said, "Maybe we can....... um......."

They heard Chickenhound snoring up above. "We should try to wake him up," Veil said, "Then he'll do... something."

They decided it was better then nothing. Both of them started screaming at the top of their lungs. Frank came running in, seeing the two.

"Hey mousey!" He said, "Who's your friend?"

"Can you help up out here?" Mattimeo asked.

The yeti started to sob.

"Ugh... what's wrong with you?" Veil growled.

The yeti sobbed even harder.

"Why are you crying?" Mattimeo asked.

"BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!!!" Frank cried.

"This is Veil. Now, Frank please help us out here!"

"Hi, Veil, nice to meet you, Ma'am," Frank held out a hand to shake.

"I'm a boy," Veil corrected, scowling.

"Veil's a girl's name!" Frank said.

Veil pouted. Mattimeo was still desperate. "Frank, you're tall, you can just lift us out of here!"

"Wait, I'm late for an appointment," Frank said, "I'll talk to you later. Don't worry, I'll be back in five days."

"What? Five days! Get back here!" Mattimeo called out, but Frank was already gone.

"Wonderful. Just wonderful," Veil groaned, "Of all the puny, wimpy mice I could be stuck with, it had to be the spoiled Mattimeo, didn't it? Did I mention you have a really long, stupid name?"

"It stands for Matthias Methesulah Mortimer!" Mattimeo growled, "Named for my father and two mice of Redwall who died. It's honorable, although a ferret like you would never know honor."

".....hm, did you say something?" Veil looked up, "I was spacing out. All I heard was Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Ferret Blah Blah Blah honor. Are you saying I have no honor?"

"You are just vermin," Mattimeo said.

"That's racist," the writer murmured.

"Shut up," Veil said to Mattimeo, "I'm bigger then you, I could kill you right now."

"Don't be violent," Mattimeo said, "This is the reason why you died, remember?"

"Shut up!!" Veil yelled again.

Just then Chickenhound woke up. He groaned. "Mommy, five more minutes!!!"

"Chickenhound!" Mattimeo called out, "C'mon, help us out here!"

Chickenhound blinked then looked inside the hole.

"Oh, it's you guys!" Chickenhound said, "I thought the voices were talking to me again! Hey, I'm gonna go get a smoothie, either of you want one?"

"Strawberry banana!" Veil said.

Mattimeo gave him a look. "Can't you help us out of here first?" He said to Chickenhound.

"I'll get you one too, Matti," Chickenhound said, then walked off.

Meanwhile, the creatures were still fighting at Captain Kidds.

"Captain CLOGG'S!" Cloggs reminded the writer.

Then Badrang hurdled a creampuff-like-thing at Clogg. A food fight broke out. And this is worse then most food fights. This isn't even a food fight. It's a food-like-substance war! Soggy pizza topped was thrust into many faces. A strange soup that was even more foul then anything Breeze could have cooked up ("HEY!" Breeze shouted) was thrown onto many heads. Many feet slipped on salad with jello in it, or jello with salad in it. Orange chicken that tasted of cardboard rained down upon many creatures. And don't ask about the hard-as-a-rock chicken.

The writer wasn't sure where to go from here, so she decided to see what will happen if Nightshade has another vision.

"Why does she get all the visions?" Mangiz asked, "I'm a seer too!"

"Fine," the writer said. Suddenly Mangiz had a vision of the writer beating him up.

Nightshade fainted in the middle of throwing pizza at somebeast's head. It slipped from her paw and her head crashed against the floor.

"I don't think she's breathing," Sela said.

"Someone should give CPR," Swartt suggested.

"Okay, go ahead," Sela told him.

"You do it! She's your sister!"

"What, are you crazy?"

"DOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny shouted, insulted that he had not been mentioned in the last few chapters.

"SELA!" Nightshade jumped to her feet and pointed at the vixen, "We have a younger brother!"

"Um... who? Do I even want to know?" Sela asked.

"GRODDIL!" Nightshade shouted.

"Groddil?" Sela looked at her strangely, "Isn't he in Lord Brocktree or something?"

"Yeah."

"Which is takes place first chronologically."

"Yeah."

"So how is he our younger brother if he was in earlier books then both of us, and his supposed parents?"

Before Nightshade could give her detailed response about the fabrics of existence and the illusion of time and space and the connection of past and present and future, they were all in Disneyland again.

"I'm gonna go find Matti!" Matthias declared.

"Me too!" Cornflower stood beside him.

"I'm finding my little Veil!" Bluefen said. She pulled Swartt over with her. "He is too!"

"Sela, Chickenhound is my nephew. We should help," Nightshade told her sister. Sela grunted.

"I'M GONNA GO GET ME SOME TACOS!" Cluny suddenly shouted.

"...why?" Rose shook her head.

"YOU WANT A TACO?" He asked, "OOOH NO I WANT A TURKEY LEG!"

"Please ignore him," Matthias said, "He's having another one of his moments."

Cornflower, Matthias, Bluefen, Swartt, and the twin vixens all went to go search for the lost young ones. Suddenly, another paper floated down. Bluefen reached up and caught it.

"It says, 'They're in the Matterhorn'," she read.

"NO! I DROPPED ANOTHER NOTE YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" The writer cried out.

They ran towards the Matterhorn. "Where's the plane?!" Cornflower asked, seeing the huge hole.

"Let's go see," Matthias said.

Inside, the two young creatures were starting to get used to each other.

"I'm... uh... sorry..." Veil said.

"Me too..." Mattimeo replied.

"So, uh, maybe we can try to be... friends?" Veil asked, "No use fighting if we're stuck like this.

"Sure..." Mattimeo said.

They shook paws just as their parents came rushing in.

"Veil!" Bluefen cried, reaching out to grab her son's paw.

"Matti!" Matthias pulled his son up.

As they were walking back to the group, Mattimeo was confessing to his father. "I'm sorry, daddy for running away. I was so scared! And I was with that ferret!"

"Son, don't be scared, that's sissy," the comforting father said, "And next time you're alone with vermin, don't hesitate to drop a giant object on their head."

"I wish I was like you," Mattimeo said.

"I should train you then" Matthias said.

"Huh?"

_No I do not own the following song._

"Let's get down to business

To defeat the rats

Did she give me a daughter

When I asked for a son

You're the saddest mouse

I've ever met

But you can bet

Before we're through

Mister, I'll make a man

Out of you!" Matthias sang.

He began to show Mattimeo how to hold a sword and swing the air, leaving marks of a tree trunk until it fell.

"Tranquil as a forest

But on fire within

Once you find your center

You are sure to win

You're a spineless, pale

pathetic mouse

And you haven't got a clue

Somehow I'll make a man

out of you"

He began to prance around like a ballerina.

(Be a man)

We must be swift as

the coursing river

(Be a man)

With all the force

of a great typhoon

(Be a man)

With all the strength

of a raging fire

Mysterious as the

dark side of the moon"

"Matthias, STOP SINGING!" Cornflower begged.

Anyway, enough of that.

"You guys can have a choice," the writer said one all of them were back together, "You can either go and find your friends, go on rides, or stay here and get eaten by snakes."

They were all silent.

"...rides it is then."

Suddenly, each and every one of then were on Autopia, that one car ride in Tomorrowland.

"Okay, Swartt, don't drive to fast, Veil is in the back in his car seat, he's tired from his second disappearance," Bluefen told her husband.

"Why is Rollo driving me?" Bryony asked, "I demand to call my insurance agent!"

"Hey, baby, want a ride?" Basil offered Breeze, who stood outside the car. Jodd was in the passenger seat and Dotti was in the back (do these cars even have backseats? ...they do now).

"Hey Rose," Martin said, "I'm glad to have a cute girl in my passenger seat."

"Why, thanks Martin!" Cornflower blushed. Martin was taken aback.

"I thought you were, uh..."

Rose and Matthias were in the car behind them. Both of them were furious. The ride itself was uneventful, until SOMEBODY (the writer glared at Badrang and Cluny, who were in the same car) decided to turn this into a destruction derby.

After they got off... and out of the wreckage which is too violent to go into, Martin decided to make it up to Rose by surprising her with a kiss. He ran up to her and kissed her, then recoiled when he realized it was Cornflower. Rose gasped, then in rage, grabbed Matthias and kissed him to get even. Then Matthias and Martin began to fight and Cornflower and Rose were having a slap fight.

In the chaos, Jodd and Basil kissed Dotti. Breeze was very jealous. She kicked Dotti and then kissed both of the hares. Dotti got up and pounced on Breeze, and once again a cat fight began. Basil didn't want them to beat each other up and make the other one less pretty, so he jump kicked them both. "I KNOW KUNG-FU!" He shouted.

The rest of them backed away slowly.

Meanwhile, Chickenhound was walking through the Indiana Jones ride on foot. He came to the rope bridge. On a rock jutting out of the side, he saw the mask of Slagar hanging. He sighed and began to slowly climb down the side. He grabbed the mask.

"I'VE MISSED YOU SLAGAR!" He sobbed. He put the mask on.

"I'm okay!" Slagar said, "I missed you too!" The mask came off.

"Never scare me like that again!" He put the mask on. Before he could say anything, he lost his grip on the side and began to fall.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*cough cough*HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Assssmodeusssss," the giant adder hissed as he slithered through the park. Then he spotted the group of creatures fighting. "I'm gonna have an early meal tonight," he said, "But a feassst."

"Snake!" Rollo giggled.

Bluefen, who was holding him, looked over.

"SNAKE!" She screamed. All of the creatures ran, except for Martin, Matthias, Rose, and Cornflower, who were way too into their fight.

At the sight of Matthias, Asmodeus almost fled. But he saw that he did not hold the sword, but some other mouse who seemed to be stupider and a worse fighter (what a dumb snake).

"LOOK OUT!" Cornflower called, then she and Rose fled for cover. But Martin and Matthias did not notice. They continued fighting and wrestling.

"EULALIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Someone suddenly cried out.

Sunflash ran up and whacked Asmodeus with his mace with an audible crack. This sent the adder running away. Constance ran up beside him.

"Hey there, it's been awhile since I've seen any cute badgers," Constance said.

"What about Orlando the Axe?" Cornflower asked her.

"He's okay, but Sunflash here is hot," Constance said. Everybeast backed away.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Matthias asked Sunflash.

"Unohdin kuinka puhua Englanti," Sunflash said.

"What did he say?" Skarlath asked, perching on his friend's shoulder.

"He forgot how to speak English," Mangiz translated.

Then Sunflash caught sight of Swartt. "Yo te mato! Yo mato a toda tu familia estúpido hurón! Primero voy a romper, entonces voy a hacer cosas muy malas!!!"

"WHAT did he say?" Swartt asked.

"Um... he said he was glad to see you and he hopes that you can be friends," Mangiz said. Sunflash hit the crow with his mace. "Say it línea derecha estúpida"

"He gave you multiple death threats," Mangiz said, trying to fly out of reach of the mace.

"Hey guys," Tsarmina said, "I see another piece of paper falling down!"

She grabbed it. "It says, 'Haha, you idiots though that you could advance in the plot here? If only you knew that the only way for you to advance is if you go to California Adventure! HA HA HA HA HA HA!'"

"NO YOU WEREN'T SUPOSSED TO READ THAT EITHER!" The writer boomed.

_I just realized I pretty much have all of the Outcast of Redwall main characters, Sunflash, Swartt, Skarlath, Byony, and Veil...._


	12. This Place is Overrun by Adders

_Sorry if this chapter took a long time to get posted. Not only did i have issues editing it, I thought I uploaded it for the past few days. I was wrong. I edited this chapter for a looong time, and it still could be better, but it's good enough I hope. (This shows how confident I can be o.O)_

"California Adventure???" Martin asked, "What's that?!?!"

"Some other amusement park," Rose answered.

"Let's go there! That might hold the key to our escape!" Matthias said.

"Where is it?" Sela asked.

"Lo vi todo desde aquí," Sunflash said.

"He saw it across from Disneyland!" Mangiz said excitedly.

"NOT SO FAST!" The writer yelled, "This is a story about you guys in DISNEYLAND!!!"

"WE WANNA GET OUT OF HERE!" Mattimeo shrieked.

"What about Chickenhound?" Nightshade asked.

"What _about_ him?" Sela grunted.

"It's sad when a mother cares less about their son then an aunt," Mattimeo said.

"No one asked you!" Sela glared at the mouse.

"Whatever. If Chickenhound dies, then only one more of us will die," Tsarmina said.

Nightshade glared at the wildcat.

"But Groddil should meet his nephew!" She said.

"I have no idea why you're _convinced _that he's your younger brother! None of us are in the same books!" Sela growled.

"_My _younger brother? Don't you mean _our_ younger brother?" Nightshade looked at her curiously.

Sela grumbled and said nothing else, glaring at the other vixen.

"There's a lot of glaring in this chapter," Cornflower said.

Sela and Nightshade glared at her.

"Stop saying glare! If you say a word too much, it starts to sound strange!" Breeze cried out.

Everybeast glared at her.

Meanwhile, Chickenhound was scrambling to get a hold on the rock. He didn't realize that the lava was fake (at least I hope it is). What it's made of, I have no idea so let's just skip over that detail. Maybe it's just an illusion or something... anyway, Chickenhound/Slagar thought it was real. Finally he managed to get a grip on one rock jutting out, his feet dangling above the lava.

"Now what, Slagar?" Chickenhound asked. He put the mask on.

"Climb, I guess," Slagar answered. The mask came off.

"I suppose," Chickenhound said, "But I'm no good at climbing."

"Don't worry," Slagar said, "I'll carry you."

He began to slowly climb up the steep cliff. When he almost reached the top, his paw slipped and he went tumbling down. He managed to grab onto a chain that happened to by dangling there, and pulled himself back onto the rocky side. He glanced at the chain. It was made out of some sort of gold... it was...... SHINY!!!!! He pulled it out of the rock and began to climb again, clutching it. He liked shiny things. This climbing took awhile, so let's skip ahead to where he actually got up to the top (a miracle, isn't it?) and stood panting. He glanced around, thinking he heard something. There was a scuffling sound, then something popped out at him.

"AHHHHHHH!" Slagar shrieked, and ran down the tunnel into a chamber. He turned around to see one of the shadow things moving towards him. He shrieked again and curled up into a ball, trying to protect himself like a hedgehog would. Of course, this is a fox we're talking about, not a hedgehog, as I hope most readers realized by now.

"Okay, fine, we'll look for Chickenhound," Sela finally gave in to Nightshade, "But only for a little while."

"Does anyone know where he went?" Nightshade asked.

"He mentioned something about finding 'Slagar'," Veil said.

"So he went to Indiana Jones! That's far away... it would be faster if someone flew there," Nightshade said, glancing at Ironbeak and Korvus Skurr, who were mad at the writer for not mentioning them for awhile.

"Skarlath and Stryk can also fly!" Korvus said, not in the mood for this.

"Yeah, it's always us, isn't it?" Ironbeak added.

"That's because you two don't like each other. When you don't like each other, you're always put together. I thought we made this clear," the writer informed them.

"All of you can go," Nightshade said.

"I do not want to go back to Indian John!" Ironbeak protested.

"It's Indian _Jonas_!" Korvus 'corrected' him.

"Both of you shut up!" Stryk yelled, "I'm tired of all this arguing!"

"I am not helping Nightshade," Skarlath grunted, "I don't like aiding the one who _killed_ me."

"_I don't like helping the one who killed me,_" Nightshade mocked him in a whiny voice.

"No me hagas matarte ... otra vez," Sunflash said.

"_What_?"

"He said 'Don't make me kill you again'," Mangiz traslated.

"That is getting really annoying," Nightshade growled, "The whole 'I forgot how to speak English' thing."

Suddenly, Sunflash remembered how to speak English because the writer is too lazy to keep translating Spanish and English and vice versa.

"EULALIAAAA!"

He grabbed a random battleaxe and charged toward the vixen. She rolled out of the way, then countered with a sword she randomly found. Neither was able to lay a hit on the other.

"Hey, Nightshade's battling with the guy who killed her..." Swartt said, "Maybe we should do the same."

"This is gonna be a big fight," the writer chuckled.

Let's see... it happened as follows. Swartt rushed to Sunflash and began to help Nightshade, but Skarlath also swooped down and began to slash at the vixen with his talons. Veil starting punching his father. Cluny turned around and began to attack Matthias, but was too big and dumb to actually put up a good fight. Sela also tackled the huge rat, because it was his horde who killed her and she decided to settle for the leader because the horde wasn't there. Badrang and Tsarmina ganged up on Martin, who was easily handling them both, especially with Rose punching Badrang. Ironbeak and Stryk locked talons in the air and were fighting with their beaks. Mangiz tried pecking Constance, but she just kept smacking him away. Zaran was swinging her sword at Korvus, who was trying to get her with his beak. Frang the doomwyte also tried to attack her, because he died in the rock avalanche she started. Vugri flew around overhead, looking for Baliss because that was who killed him. The other three doomwytes were yelling at the author, because Purz was shot by the Painted Ones who were not there, Tarul was crushed by the two bells, and Murig was killed by Bosie, who wasn't there. If anyone else is present who died within a book and their enemy is here then... let's just say they're attacking them. Cornflower, Rollo, Breeze, Dotti, Basil, Jodd, Bluefen, Warthorn, Bryony, the doomwytes who had unique death causes, the Doom Bunny, and all the rest backed away from the chaos.

Matthias stuggled under the weight of Cluny, because Cluny doesn't exercise enough and ate a few too many potato chips over the summer. Sela didn't exactly help, she just watched as the mouse warrior attempted to push off Cluny. Then he realized that Cluny fell asleep on him.

Rose fell on the ground after being kicked off by Badrang. She began to bite his leg. He yowled in pain, clutching his footpaw. He would have lost that footpaw to Martin's sword if he hadn't fallen over... onto Rose. Then Clogg, upset he wasn't mentioned, attacked Badrang, just because. Wow... Badrang is being attacked by three people at once and he's on the ground. That's not good. Martin _would_ have finished the stoat off it Tsarmina didn't come up from behind and knock him down.

Ironbeak and Stryk flew rapidly through the air, and both crashed into Sunflash, who turned in surprise and hit them with his mace. I don't care if he was supposedly using an axe before. _Now_ it's his mace. See, I can do these kind of things because I'm the writer.

"Let's run," Cornflower whispered to Breeze.

The group of the 'peaceful creatures who never killed anyone or never were killed by someone else' all rushed away from the madness. Just then, they heard someone yelling in another direction.

"What's that?!" Bryony asked, "The fight's back there!"

"I don't know, I don't have supervision," Bluefen grunted.

The three doomwytes who weren't involved in the fight glanced around at each other.

"I'll look," Purz offered.  
"Okay," Tarul said.

"Um... isn't someone supposed to say 'No, don't do it, I'll go instead'?"

_I think I read someone else say that in a different fanfiction so sorry if I just stole that... hehe._

"Nope," Murig answered.

Purz sighed and flew up. He saw two shadow things running after some mouse. He groaned and flew back down.

"Yeah, just those annoying shadows again," he said.

Just then. Gonff crashed into Basil.

"It only took six chapters, but I made it back," Gonff said.

"Lovely. Who are your friends here?" Basil said, staring at the two shadow things.

Gonff turned around. "STALKERS! I TOLD YOU TO STOP FOLLOWING ME!"

Basil and Jodd sprinted up and got both shadow things in a headlock.

"Right, let's finally see what they are," Jodd said, ready to pull the annoying mask off.

_Insert commercial break here._

_ Random dude: Hi... uh... buy this phone... cause... I told you to... and... it's shiny and stuff.._

_ Ronald McDonald: Buy my burgers or I'll haunt you for the rest of your life! Bwhahahahahahaha!_

_ Cow who happened to be walking by: Got Milk?_

_ And now back to the feature presentation._

"Hey, what are you doing in my barbie cavern? I come here to play with my- um... I mean... I come here to... uh... look into my crystal ball!" The high pitched and childish voice that Rollo had heard before sounded out.

Slagar looked up out from his ball. He saw a shadow thing standing at the entrance to the cavern.

"Please don't kill us!" He begged.

"Us?" The shadow thing leader stared.

"I'm Slagar," Slagar introduced himself, then pulled off the mask, "And I'm Chickenhound."

"Is something wrong with you, kid?" The shadow thing backed away.

"I'm perfectly sane," Chickenhound growled, "But Slagar's a little out there. Only a little, though. Now, Cluny, if you saw _him,_ oh man. Did you know his horde killed me?"

"They killed you?" The shadow thing was now backed up against the wall, "Um, but you're here now."

"I don't understand it either," Chickenhound said. He put on the mask. "If you want to know, ask the writer."

"I don't know either," the writer confessed.

"...right, um... so are you with that huge group of animals?" The shadow thing said.

"Yeah... oh, we probably should be getting back to them," Chickenhound said, removing the mask, "My mom might get worried."

The writer almost snorted at the thought of Sela being worried for Chickenhound.

"Not so fast," the shadow thing said, blocking the exit, "So you're with that group, huh?"

The mask went on.

"YES THAT'S WHAT CHICKENHOUND SAID, WASN'T IT?!?!" Slagar shouted.

The shadow thing pulled the mask off him, now understanding a bit that this fox was more violent as 'Slagar'.

"Give Slagar back!" Chickenhound begged.

"Sure... if you lead me to that group," the shadow thing said, making up this plan as he went along.

"Sure, whatever," Chickenhound agreed, "If you give me Slagar back."

"After you lead me to them," the shadow thing said. He forgot why he wanted to get to them, but he decided it was better then sitting around playing with his barbies... as long as this plan didn't take too much time... Barbie was about to go to her beach house with Ken.

"Fine," Chickenhound grunted, and began walking towards the exit of the ride.

Meanwhile, the other shadow things were still in a headlock.

"Lemme go!" One screeched, "I have a pie in the oven!"

"Should we unmask them?" Basil asked.

"YES!" The rest of them cried.

"But what about this big ol' secret?" Jodd said, "It won't be a secret anymore."

"Just do it!" Cornflower shouted.

"But then the writer can't annoy the readers with the suspense!" Basil said.

"DO IT WILL YA!!!" Bluefen screamed.

"I don't want to!" Both hares complained.

The rest of them facepalmed. Just then, one of the shadow things tackled Basil down. Surprised, Jodd scrambled up the nearest tree (remember, he thinks he's a squirrel).

"OW!" Basil shrieked, "It got my ear!"

"I'm not an it!" The shadow thing screamed, "I'm a girl!"

Basil pushed her away. "Uh, sorry ma'am."

Then, suddenly, the two shadow things disappeared.

"Oh COME ON!" Bryony cried out.

"You weren't here this whole time!" Bluefen growled at her.

"Are you sure they're this way?" the leader of the shadow things puffed and Chickenhound led him in and out of places, twisting and snaked around passages and taking the longest way possible.

"Yes! Oh, I've always wanted to go around Disneyland with a friend!" Chickenhound said.

"I'm not your friend," the shadow thing grumbled.

"Oh, look! There they are!" Chickenhound pointed over a hill. The shadow thing ran over.

"Those are barrels," he said.

"Oh, whoops, I meant over there!" Chickenhound turned around and pointed in another direction. The shadow thing ran over there.

"Those are sacks of potatoes," he grumbled.

"Oh... well, let's keep looking."

"UGHHH! I can't stand this!" The shadow thing facepalmed so hard that he almost fell over backwards.

Just then they heard the chaos of the huge fight. They ran over to see the brawl going on. Chickenhound suddenly felt compelled to attack Cluny, but resisted.

"Gimme Slagar back!" Chickenhound said, grabbing the mask from him. He put it on, then felt _very _compelled to attack a well.

"That's right, you fell down a well, didn't you?" The writer murmured, half asleep.

The shadow thing stood, watching over the fight.

"EULALIAAA!" Sunflash cried out, almost chopping Swartt in half if it hadn't been for Veil tripping his father over. Nightshade jumped on top of Sunflash's back, but quickly fell off. Skarlath lifted her up in his talons, and she was dangling above the crowd. If it hadn't been for Stryk Redkite who happened to swoop down under her by accident, she probably would have been killed. Stryk preformed a barrel roll, which sent Nightshade tumbling on top of Tsarmina. The angry wildcat pushed her off with her claws. Martin took that chance to raise his sword above Tsarmina's head, but was pulled back by Badrang. After struggling away from the stoat, Martin pulled out a random water balloon and hurdled it at the water-hating cat. She yowled and fell over. A water balloon appeared in her paw. She threw it at Martin, but he ducked and it hit Rose. Suddenly, everyone had a supply of the magic water balloons. Their big battle turned into a water balloon fight.

"Guys, STOP!" Cornflower ran up to them, "We caught a shadow thing!"

They all stopped and ran over to where Cornflower indicated. But the shadow thing was gone.

"Did you see what it looked like?" Basil asked.

"No..." Breeze said.

They all sighed. Then they decided to continue to California Adventure. As they walked across the street, the shadow thing leader followed them.

As they walked inside, they say a group of teenagers.

"HI!" a random teenage girl ran up to the group. "I'm, like, Elisha Thinzone! Oh em gee! Are you the Redwall characters?! Like, no way! I'm a HUGE fan! Come meet my friends!"

She dragged each and every one of them to a group of other teenagers. Elisha then tackled Martin down.

"No way!" One girl said, "Is that ROSE? Oh _Rose_, I thought you were dead!"

She ran over and hugged her. "I'm Lauren Strawn. Please, never scare me like that again!" Then she burst into tears.

"Uhh..." Rose didn't know how to reply.

Another girl ran over to Korvus and Ironbeak and hugged them both. "I'm Lily South, I've always loved birds! OMG! I can't choose between you two!" Then she went over and hugged Mangiz. "You're the best."

One of the boys ran up to Tsarmina. "I like kitties," he said in a creepy voice, "I'm Hector Nios. Do you like kitties? I like kitties. We all like kitties."

The other boy stood in the back of the crowd. "Why are there talking mice? I have no idea what's going on."

"Lighten up, Rick Niner, these are awesome animals. So shut up!" Elisha shouted at him.

"We really got to be going," Martin said.

"SHUT UP!" Elisha shouted, "I always thought Matthias was a better warrior then you!"

"But you just creepily hugged me," Martin said.

"I CAN CHANGE MY MIND, CAN'T I?!?!?!?!?!?!" Elisha growled.

Matthias wore a smug expression until Martin punched in in the face.

"I like kitties," Hector continued, stroking Tsarmina's fur. She stared at him with wide eyes.

"Ewwwww it's Stryk! You killed Ironbeak!" Lily exclaimed. Stryk glared at her.

"I could kill you," the kite reminded her.

Rick still stared at his friends like they were crazy... which... they were.

"We _really _must be going," Rose said, trying to break free of Lauren's grip.

Then Lauren let go of Rose. "Is that CORNFLOWER?!?!" She ran over to her and hugged her.

"I... can't... breathe!" Cornflower gasped.

"I like kitties. Kitties are soft and furry. I like soft and furry kitties," Hector continued. Tsarmina didn't have enough feeling in her claws to scratch him.

Badrang was getting angry at Hector for some reason. He jumped to tackle him, but missed and tackled Tsarmina by accident.

"What are you doing?!?!" She hissed.

"Um... muscle spasm," Badrang said.

"Get off of me!" Tsarmina pushed him off.

"Like, Oh Em Gee! Guess what! I just realized that these are mice! We can put them in a hamster cage and take them home!" Elisha exclaimed. The group of animals backed away.

"I really don't know what's going on here," Rick grunted.

The fangirls (and one fanboy) chased after the animals as they ran through California Adventure. The birds flew up high, because they didn't want to take their chances and didn't feel like helping out their land-dwelling companions.

"Um, guys..." Purz said.

"What?" Tarul snapped. He was in a _really _bad mood.

"Uh... I see Asmodeus," Purz said, pointing with his wing.

Tarul took a look at where the other doomwyte pointed. "That's not Asmodeus!"

"It isn't? Oh, good."

"That's Baliss."

"Lovely."

"Hey, I also see Asmodeus!" Murig said.

"That's not Asmodeus either," Tarul said.

"Oh lord. There's three adders?"

"Yeah... that looks like Zassaliss," Tarul informed him.

"How'd you know?" Korvus asked, "You weren't in that book."

"I have my ways. And if there's Zassaliss, Sesstra and Harssacss are probably with him."

"Wonderful. That makes four adders," Vugri sighed.

"No," Tarul said, "I also see Asmodeus."

"Oh _fantastic_," Korvus groaned.

The birds watched the very large group of animals running. Then they watched Zassaliss, Sesstra, and Harssacss ambush them. They _also _witnessed the group running from the adders _and_ the fangirls/boy. Which one is scarier? That is a _tough_ choice.

_I think that these amusement parks are overrun by adders. And what is the mysterious golden chain? All we know is that it's shiny. _

_ Yes, I will reveal the shadow things in the next chapter. Maybe..._

_ All of the names are inside jokes that my friend forced me to put in. I didn't want to, but she _insisted_. I promise the next chapter will be funnier._


	13. Something that has to do with the plot!

_Remember those hyper middle school band students from that other chapter? Well, the fangirls/boy are in the band, which is going to play a concert. And by the way, let's say that the animals are human sized but the adders are the same size they would be to the animals. So the fangirls also see them as huge giants. How is this possible? ...because I'm special that way._

_ Also, this chapter should be titled "That Annoying Chapter Where Some Guy is About to Explain Everything but Something Interrupts Him and He Never Gets Back to that Subject in this Chapter Because the Writer is Trying to Drag this on as Long as She Feels Like it and Especially Because there is some New Romance Sparking Up". It was a bit too long..._

The group of animals were cornered. They didn't know whether to fight back to the adders or to the fangirls. Both were very dangerous and scary. Elisha then turned toward Harssacss, who was the closest adder to her.

"EWWWW!! I HATE SNAKES!!!" She cried, then whacked him on the head with her purse.

Harssacss recoiled while his two siblings turned toward the strange fangirl. Asmodeus and Baliss paid no attention.

"EW!" She cried out once again, "SNAKES ARE SO GROSS!!!!!!"

Before anything happened, Lauren's watch alarm went off.

"Oh!" She said, "It's time for our band concert!"

They left calmly. The rest of the animals dashed through the open spot, getting around the adders.

"If there is ONE more adder, I think I might scream!" Dotti said as they took shelter in a giftshop.

"Don't worry," the writer said, "I can't think of any more adders anyway. When I think of one, I'll let you know."

"Okay, so now what?" Gonff asked.

"Where _were _you this whole time?!" Cornflower asked him.

"Oh, just here and there," he answered.

"WHERE?!" Cornflower was impatient when she was hiding from giant, poisonous adders.

"Oh. Uh, I dunno," Gonff answered.

"Descriptive," Mathias grunted, "Like Gonff said, what now?"

All of them looked toward the writer. She shrugged.

"Well... we might as well go find Lady Amber," Warthorn said.

"Where are the birds?" Martin asked, looking around.

"Oh, they were cowards and flew away," Rose answered.

"Lovely."

"Hey, Swartt," Bluefen said, turning toward her husband, "I want ice cream. I saw an ice cream stand on the way here."

"We can get ice cream later," Swartt answered.

"I want ice cream," She glared at him.

"Me too," Veil added.

"You can go get it then!" Swartt replied.

"You get it," Bluefen said.

"Why should I?"

"Because, otherwise, this will be just another story to take to the marriage counselor. He told you that the next time we see him, he'll charge us double because he's_ tired_ of seeing us," Bluefen said.

"Fine, whatever," Swartt started walking toward the exit.

"I want vanilla!" Bluefen called after him.

"Make mine chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate chips and chocolate sauce on a chocolate covered cone!" Veil requested.

After Swartt left, Bluefen turned to Veil and said in a motherly voice, "You know too much chocolate makes you have a tummyache. Remember when I stayed up all night with you because you thought you ate poison? I told you it was just too much chocolate."

"MOM!" Veil groaned, "Please!"

"If Swartt was my father, I'd be paranoid about poison too," Mattimeo said. He and Veil were getting along a little better after the Matterhorn incident.

"For the record, it _was_ poison," Veil said, "I had to treat it myself, thanks a lot."

"Wait..." Bryony said, "I don't remember this. And how did Bluefen stay up with you all night if she was dead...?"

All of them turned toward the writer, expecting an answer. The writer was sleeping. Basil threw a rock at her to wake her up.

"Huh?!?! Oh, uh, hi," the writer rubbed her head where the rock hit her, "Um... where's Swartt?"

"He went to go get ice cream," Tsarmina answered.

"He isn't smart enough to realize that when you go off alone, you are 90% likely to die?" The writer said, "That's the first rule of horror movies/books."

"This isn't a horror story... at least, it's not meant to be," Dotti said.

"Whatever. Okay, guys, we're moving on," the writer said.

They found themselves in California Adventure, near a stage. They heard some awesome music coming from it. They shrugged and followed the sound. A large band of middle schoolers were playing. They sat down, listening.

Suddenly, a girl playing clarinet jumped out of her seat. It was Elisha Thinzone.

"LOOK! IT'S THEM!!!" She screamed.

Suddenly Lauren, Hector, Lilly, and Rick jumped up too.

"Wait... is that an OTTER?!?!" Rick asked, "I didn't see her before!!!!"

He ran up to Zaran and hugged her, dropping the flute he was playing. Warthorn glared at him.

"I'm an otter too," Warthorn said, not wanting to miss out.

Rick stared at him. The rest of the animals sprinted away, with the fangirls/fanboys chasing them. The rest of the band members thought they were insane (not thought... knew).

* * *

Swartt was thinking as he went to get the ice cream. These are his thoughts:

_That Bluefen is so annoying. I don't see an ice cream stand anywhere, she must be crazy. Wait, there it is! _

_ No... that's for cotton candy. Ew, I hate that stuff. It's pure sugar. Sugar makes people hyper. I think food companies are trying to make everybody hyper, which will make the world implode. When that happens, all the survivors will live underground, feeding off natural energy found in the earth. _

_ Ohh, look, a birdie!_

_ Um, what was I doing again? Oh yeah, ice cream. _

_ Y'know, I could be doing something good with my time. But noooo I have to find ice cream for my wife and kid. _

_ What happened to sitting around a fire telling stories? Or playing board games. We should have a family game night. _

_ But I'm sure Veil cheats at Monopoly. I played it once with some of my horde members. Yeah, Nightshade, Scraw, Wildag, Aggal... they cheated. I swear, Nightshade had some sort of black market with those stupid properties. And Scraw and Aggal had some sort of deal with hotels and money. And I _know _I saw Wildag steal five hundred dollars from the bank._

_ Huh? What was that sound? Oh, probably nothing. _

_ I wonder what a shoe tastes like? Wow, that was random. Maybe I'm going crazy._

_ There! That hissing sound again! Hey, aren't there, like, five adders on the loose?_

_ ...Oh boy._

Swartt looked over his shoulder. He saw something moving in the shadows. There was a hissing sound.

"Stay back... I'm warning you!" Swartt said nervously, "I, uh, I'm armed."

"With what?" A voice asked.

"Um.... MY NINJA SKILLS!!!!" Swartt made a kung-fu pose.

"Right..." Asmodeus slithered of the shadows.

"You're kidding me," Swartt grumbled, "Um, listen, I'm just looking for an ice cream stand, so I'll be on my way."

"Ssstay there. I decided to tell you what the heck isss going on," Asmodeus said.

Because the writer is mean, let's go back to the rest of the group.

"KITTY!!!!" Hector squealed, brushing his hand againt Tsarmina's fur.

"Why am I the only cat here?!" Tsarmina asked the writer.

"I dunno... because... yeah," The writer mumbled.

"Descriptive."

"Hey cutie," Elisha leaned toward Matthias, "I hear you're good with a sword."

Matthias backed up.

"Yeah, with _my _sword," Martin grumbled.

Elisha ran up to Martin.

"You look so hot when you're mad at Matthias."

Rose turned and glared at Elisha.

"What?" Elisha asked.

"Stop flirting with him!" Rose growled.

"You're not married, ya know. And Cornflower didn't have a problem with me and Matthias," Elisha said.

"You and Matthias?" Cornflower said, walking up, "What? I was getting a bottle of soda for Rollo... I couldn't find any milk."

"Nothing, dear," Matthias said. Elisha was already gone, flirting with the other males.

"Where are the birds?" Cornflower asked, looking around.

"Oh, they escaped... again," Rose answered her.

On the roof of a giftshop, the birds were watching in facsination as Ironbeak flirted with a pigeon.

"So... they call me General Ironbeak. General. Can't get much better than that," Ironbeak said, edging closer to the pigeon, "What's your name?"

"Coo?" The pigeon cooed.

"Coo? I like that name. So, do you like... bacon?"

"Coo."

"Interesting, interesting. So, have you-"

"IRONBEAK!" Korvus shouted, "That is a pigeon!"

"Is there anything wrong with that?!" Ironbeak growled.

"Pigeons aren't exactly... civilized, intelligent, productive, useful, emotional, or sane."

"Coo?" The pigeon cocked her head.

"Coo and I are leaving," Ironbeak grunted.

"Don't..." Mangiz advised, "If you go off by yourself, you will probably die."

"Speaking of which, is that Swartt back yet?" Purz asked.

"What did I just say?" Mangiz grunted.

"Yeah, he's a gonner," Vugri cawed.

"How are the rest of them faring?" Murig asked, looking down at the crowd.

"Coo?" The pigeon started fly away.

"No! Come back Coo!" Ironbeak flew after her.

"He'll probably die. Whatever," Mangiz shrugged.

"You sound loyal," Frang muttered.

"If he dies, I become the general," Mangiz said, "I don't really want to be, but if I have to, then... wait... I can lead the army to take over..."

"Take over... what?" Tarul asked.

"Canada."

"Why Canada?"

"Because Canada has maple syrup."

"...and?"

"I happen to _like_ maple syrup."

"So you're gonna take over a country to get maple syrup?"

"To get maple syrup for _free_. That's how people will pay their taxes."

"To a bird?"

"Yes."

"Why would-"

"Just don't question it," Murig interrupted Tarul.

"So, you're saying that when you divide the sum of x, y, and z, then subtract the total precent of the cost, times that by the ratio, to the power of a-b+c/d, you get the same answer as when you divide 56.02402004293.141004 by the ratio of it's square root and {52 - -22.42942 + x – 3.9300(r+62-c/t)3+f/rt}2," Swartt concluded.

"I have no idea what you jussst sssaid," Asmodeus hissed, "I wasss talking about what the ssshadow things are doing."

"Oh. Um, carry on," Swartt said.

Elisha had been flirting with every male animal in sight.

"Hey, cutie, I hear you're good with a sword," Elisha said to Clogg. Before Clogg could open his mouth to reply, she moved on to Badrang.

"You're hot," she told him.

"Uh, thanks?" Badrang backed away.

She span around to see Sunflash.

"You're so muscular. You're hotter then Edward Cullen. And that's a compliment!"

_Disclaimer: I do not think, nor have ever thought, Edward Cullen could possibly be hotter than Sunflash. I'm more of a badger person than a vampire person._

"Let's see you use that famous mace of yours," Elisha continued.

Nightshade suddenly got an unexplained chill.

"Uh, sure?" Sunflash was about to do so, when Elisha ran up to Veil.

This cycle continued for some time, until she came to Chickenhound and Slagar.

"Hey!!!" She said, hugging Chickenhound. Chickenhound put his mask on.

"What about me?" Slagar asked.

"Ew. You're not my type," Elisha said.

"They're the same guy," Rick told her.

"Slagar is not Chickenhound, idiot," Elisha snapped, "Slagar is voiced by Tim Curry in the TV show. Chickenhound, on the other hand, is voiced by... uh... someone named Jonathan Wilson (Thank you, Internet)."

"Wow..." Rick sighed, "I don't know why I hang out with you."

"I like furry kitties," Hector said, hugging Tsarmina.

"Or you..." Rick continued.

Lauren stopped hugging Rose and glared at Badrang. She then tackled him to the ground.

"Or her..." Rick continued.

Lily was rocking back and forth, because her precious birds flew away.

"WHERE ARE YOU, IRONBEAK? KORVUS SKURR? MANGIZ?" She wailed.

"Or her..." Rick continued still.

Lauren stood on top of Badrang, pushing his face into a mud puddle.

"SAY YOU'RE SORRY TO ROSE!!!" She screamed.

"MMMPPHHHH!!!" Badrang couldn't say anything, considering his face was being pushed into a mud puddle.

Tsarmina laughed at the stoat. She then glanced at Hector, who was grinning like a maniac.

"Chickenhound..." Elisha said, getting on one knee, "Will you marry me?"

She held out plastic ring that you would find as a booby prize for a carnival game.

"Uhhhhhh..." Chickenhound wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Well?" Nightshade went up to him, "Say yes."

"We never went on a date," Chickenhound said, "And aren't we both to young to get married?"

"No, we just drive to Vegas and go through the drive-thru chapel, and be on our way," Elisha answered.

"Ummmm..." Chickenhound still didn't know how to answer, "Sure?"

"WONDERFUL!!!" Elisha grabbed his arm and started skipping everywhere.

Sela came walking up with a bunch of cotton candy in her arms.

"What did I miss?" She asked.

Elisha bounded up to her.

"So you're my new mother-in-law? Well... one can't choose their relatives," she said.

"Nightshade... what is she talking about?" Sela asked.

"Oh, your son just got engaged," Nightshade answered.

Sela dropped her cotton candy in surprise.

"I know, it's sad to see your young ones grow up, but you must let them go," Cornflower said, "I had experience with Matti when he married Tess."

"No, it's not that," Sela said, "I'm shocked that a girl is mildly attracted to him."

Before Asmodeus could actually explain what he was trying to, Zassaliss and his siblings slithered up to them.

"What are you doing?" Harssacss hissed.

"Nothing you are interesssted in," Asmodeus replied, "You were jussst introduced in the lassst chapter."

"Why isss that ferret with you?" Sesstra asked.

"I have my reasssonsss, go away," Asmodeus answered.

"The Massster sssaid to bring him any of the Redwall characters," Zassaliss hissed, "And he isss one."

"Yeah, I didn't think he wasss worth the trouble though," Asmodeus answered.

While the snakes were arguing, Swartt managed to crawl away. Once he was far enough, he sprinted back to the group. He crashed into two people, both middle schoolers. There was a boy and a girl, and they were holding hands.

"Look, a huge ferret," the girl pointed.  
"That can't be natural," the boy commented.

"I'M NOT RADIOACTIVE!" Swartt growled, insulted.

"How do you know for sure?" the girl asked, "Jack, go poke it with a stick."

"Um... why is it talking?" Jack asked.

"ASK NO QUESTIONS! POKE IT WITH A STICK!" the girl shouted.

"Okay, okay, whatever you say, Tanya," Jack obediently grabbed a stick.

Swartt decided to run away, because these might be fans. They chased after him. Swartt managed to get to the group.

"Let's get some food," Mangiz said, "I'm hungry."

"What about Ironbeak?" Purz asked.

"I am _hungry," _Mangiz repeated, "We need to take priorities here."

"What about Lady Amber? This plot isn't going anywhere. This is a waste of a chapter!" Warthorn said.

"DOOOOOOOMMMM!!!" The doom bunny shrieked.

"Yeah, yeah, doom, right," Stryk grunted.

"It's not a waste," the author retorted, a bit insulted.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Mangiz cawed.

Suddenly, the fangirls/fanboys became hyper again.

"I'm outta here," Purz said, flying away. The rest of the birds followed his idea.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!" Lilly screamed to the birds.

"Now I'm getting tired of this whole thing," Cornflower said.

"DIE!!!!!!!!" Lauren suddenly screamed and tackled Badrang again.

"STOP TRYING TO KILL HIM!" Matthias said, "I don't feel like organizing another funeral."

"Another?" Rick asked.

"Well, there was Methusulah, and Mortimer, and now there's Redtooth. Speaking of which, where did we put his body?"

"Oh," Cluny said, "I gave it to Asmodeus."

"Why?" Bryony asked.

"Well, in the book Asmodeus ate his body, and my theory is that if we recreate the book's scenes, maybe somehow we will magically go back into the book, where we should be," Cluny said.

"When'd you get so smart?" Bryony asked.

"Tomato tomàto," Cluny concluded.

"What?"

"POTATO POTĂTO!" Cluny shrieked.

"OKAY OKAY!" Bryony backed away, realizing Cluny was having another one of his moments.

Rick suddenly turned toward Dotti. "Is that.... a bunny?"

"A _hare_," Dotti corrected.

"...I like bunnies," Rick said, "I like fluffy bunnies a lot."

"Oh no... the only sane one too..." Breeze grumbled.

Rick suddenly grabbed Breeze and hugged her, while Basil and Dotti fled.

"Chickenhound... I'm hungry..." Elisha turned to her fiancee.

"I'm Slagar," Slagar corrected.

Elisha pulled off the mask and threw it in a trashcan.

"Chickenhound, I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat," Elisha said.

"I like the way she thinks," Mangiz said, "If you're gonna get some food, I'm coming with you."

"Okay!" Elisha said, "It can be a double date."

"Date?" Mangiz asked, "...I, uh... the only other female bird here is Stryk and that isn't going to happen."

"Okay, there's always the ravens," Elisha replied.

"_They're all males,_" Magiz said, horrified.

"Fine. Whatever, just come with us," Elisha said, "Chickenhound, go find a restaurant."

"There's one here," Chickenhound pointed to the restaurant they had been standing in front of the whole time.

"LET'S GO!!!!" Elisha screamed, pulling Chickenhound behind her as she ran inside.

After they got their food, Elisha decided to become romantic. "Honey," she said, "I know we are planning our life together, so I've been thinking. I want a mansion on the beach, you are going to be a cardiologist, and we will have ten children, five boys and five girls. But two of the girls are going to be twins. And they're the oldest. Oh, and I don't want all of my boys to be nerds, just one smart one. One is going to be the hot boy on campus, and-"

"I can't make sure that's what happens," Chickenhound said.

Elisha gave him an evil glare that sent a chill through his spine.

"Okay, okay, dear, whatever you say," Chickenhound meekly said.

Mangiz stared at the piece of chicken on Elisha's plate.

"What is_ that_?" He asked.

Elisha bit into it and said, "A chicken leg."

Mangiz looked like he was disgusted and said, "I have a _cousin _who's a chicken!"

"Really? Well, this might be her," Elisha said, then bit into it again.

Mangiz looked faint, but kept eating his spaghetti (it reminded him of his favorite food: worms).

"Swartt... where is my ice cream?" Bluefen asked.

"I was almost eaten by an adder and barely got out alive," Swartt said.

"That's no excuse!" Bluefen scolded, "You're just lucky I never divorced you."

"I outlived you, ya know," Swartt said.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MENTIONING THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Bluefen shouted.

"I also outlived my own son," Swartt said.

"By, like, five seconds!" Veil argued.

Bryony glared at Swartt. "You killed my adoptive son, you realize this right?"

"He's my biological son!" Bluefen glared at Bryony.

"Ladies, ladies, please don't fight over me," Veil seperated them.

"Ladies? I'm your mother!" Bryony and Bluefen said at the same time. They glared at each other and lunged at each other's throats. Before they could, however, Mattimeo walked up to them, holding a ShamWow.

"Look at my new ShamWow!" Mattimeo said, "It holds twelve times its weight in liquid!"

"That's just a rag, you know," Veil said.

"IT'S A SHAMWOW!!!!!!" Mattimeo yelled.

"That was anticlimactic to the fight," the auther grumbled, "Also, don't call it a ShamWow, cause, you know, legal reasons. How about a ShamWooHoo?"

"I saw that in a youtube video," Mattimeo said.

"ShamPow then, I don't care," the author said, "Let's get back to the fangirls and boys.

"COME BACK HERE BUNNY!!!!!" Rick screamed, chasing the three hares around.

"What's gotten into him?" Jack asked.

"OH EM GEE IS THAT A MOUSE?!?!?!?! EWWWW!" Tanya shrieked, pointing at Matthias and Cornflower.

"Yeah... there's a lot of mice in Redwall," Martin said

"EWWWWW!!!! THERE'S TOO MANY!" Tanya grabbed a random broom and started whacking them.

"What about me, a rat?" Cluny asked, not wanting to miss out on the attention.

"Nah, rats are okay, but I hate mice!!!!" Tanya replied.

"Ow! Stop it!" Matthias grabbed his sword and sliced the broom in two.

"That's my sword, and I'll be taking it back now," Martin grabbed the sword.

"Guys, I just had a vision!!!" Nightshade announced. Everybeast gathered around her. "We have to go into some sort of haunted elevator to find an answer," she declared.

"Haunted elevator? We know where that is!!!" Lilly said.

"Follow us!" Lauren said.

The creatures decided to follow them. At least they were good for something.

"Chickenhound, I called the adoption agency," Tanya said, "Here's out new baby."

She held out a lemon.

"That's a lemon..." Chickenhound said.

"Don't be racist! They rescued him and his siblings from an abusive lemon tree. He's just a baby. What should we call him?" Elisha said as she cradled the lemon like a baby.

"Lemonade," Chickenhound replied.

"How about Tucker Wan Kenobi Bob Thinzone?" Elisha asked.

"Should you take on the husband's last name?" Mangiz asked.

"What is your last name? Elisha asked Chickenhound.

"I, uh, don't like to say it..." Chickenhound said.

"Tell me... NOW!" Elisha yelled.

"Okay, fine. Hello my name is Chickenhound Bluegrass Freeman Oldham Austin Fabio Bobson."

Mangiz was speechless. But Elisha said, "I LOVE THAT LAST NAME!!!"

"R-really?" Chickenhound was surprised.

"YES! It's better than Thinzone," Elisha said.

"HOW?!" Mangiz asked.

"The Hollywood Tower?" Tsarmina asked, "It looks pretty old."

They stood in front of said tower, where the fans had led them to.

"Let's go inside," Cornflower said. They followed her lead. The fanboys/girls didn't, though.

"Aren't you coming?" Zaran asked, who did not have a creepy fan following her.

"We, uh, don't like this ride," Hector said.

The creatures looked at one another and shrugged. They continued inside. Inside, they stood in a large elevator. They waited as they slowly lifted up. They managed to reach the top, where they could look outside.

"We're so high up!" Rose said, "Where's the clue?"

"Look out over those bushes!" Martin pointed, "I see the adders!"

"Yeah, and the shadow thing leader!" Gonff said. They saw clearly as the shadow thing was about to take off the veiled mask when suddenly the floor dropped from beneath them. The elevator went crashing down, freefalling. They all screamed at the top of their lungs, except for baby Rollo, who enjoyed it. Tsarmina panicked and clutched the nearest beast near her, which happened to be Badrang. She sank her claws deep into his arm.

Instead of stopping at the normal exit, the elevator kept falling. It fell deep into the ground, and kept on falling. Suddenly, it jolted to a sickening halt. Dazed and in shock, they stumbled outside. They were in the Shadow Thing's lair.

Ironbeak flew after Coo, chasing the pigeon whom he declared love for.

"Come on Coo, we can work his out!" He cawed.

"Coo!" the pigeon screeched. Suddenly, an arrow pierced the air, heading straight for them. It was heading toward Coo, but Ironbeak flew in front of her and took the hit in his wing. He fell towards the ground, unable to keep flying. A shadow thing seemed to be very smug as the raven plunged toward its head. Ironbeak extended his talons and caught the shadow thing's head with his claws. This pulled the mask off.

The shadow thing was a Native American woman. Next to her was another shadow thing who pulled off its mask. It was a man in armor.

"Um... hello..." Ironbeak said, "Uh... sorry to drop in on you like this."

The woman nodded her head and a lion walked up to them.

"Oh boy..." Ironbeak flapped his wings to fly away, but wasn't able to.

_Chickenhound and Elisha are engaged to be married :O! But they already adopted a kid... that's a little wrong..._


	14. Bridezilla and Citrus Fruit

_I really do hope you know your Disney characters well, because plenty appear in this chapter._

"Okay guys, I'll be your wedding planner," Mangiz told Elisha and Chickenhound, "I see the theme as: Think Pink. I know, awesome, right?"

"Perfect!" Elisha said happily.

"Pink?" Chickenhound asked.

"PINK!" Elisha and Mangiz cried out together.

"Um... okay..." Chickenhound said, sinking lower into his chair.

"So, Mangiz," Elisha said, "I want this wedding to be PERFECT! I want white roses on the benches, red roses on the altar, multicolor on the walls, and I want blue roses as the centerpieces."

"There aren't any blue roses," Mangiz replied.

"THEY CAN BE BLUE IF I SAY THEY'RE BLUE!!!" Elisha hollered.

"Okay, okay, blue roses," Mangiz started scribbling on a paper, taking notes.

"All the men have to wear a tuxedo, no exceptions," Elisha continued, "And the women wearing gowns. But none of them white, that's my color. I want it to be on the beach. No, I don't. In a park, with nice trees. But no bees, Aunt Selma is allergic and I don't want her to have another panic attack. Also, the birds might get in the food, so we're gonna need a scarecrow, but he's gotta be wearing a tuxedo."

"You want me to go get a scarecrow fitted for a tuxedo?" Mangiz asked.

"Yes," Elisha said, "The band can't play too loud, because my grandma doesn't like loud sounds. My uncle Henry and Aunt Jane have to be at least two hundred feet apart."

"Why?" Chickenhound asked.

"She has a restraining order on him," Elisha explained, "Now, I-"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Chickenhound asked.

"No, you don't," Elisha said.

"Who are your bride's maids?" Mangiz asked.

"I haven't decided yet," Elisha said.

"My best man is going to be Slagar," Chickenhound said, "Where is he anyway?"

He put the mask on.

"I'm right here!" Slagar announced.

"Take off the mask now!" Elisha glared at her fiancee.

"Who do you think you are, my wife?" Slagar asked.

Elisha pulled his mask off.

"Sorry, my loving wife," Chickenhound grabbed her hands and tried to be romantic.

"Any more demands, er, I mean, any more things you need for your wedding?" Mangiz asked.

"I haven't even scratched the surface yet," Elisha said, and got out a very very very long piece of paper with all of her required aspects of the wedding.

"This is titled 'List 1 Items A-B version 1.3'," Mangiz read.

* * *

"I heard a crash," Lilly said, looking at the Tower of Terror.

"That's not good," Tanya said, "Jack, go look inside."

"Why do I have to?" Jack asked, "What if the floor caves in and I die?"

"Then we're gonna break up," Tanya said, "Now go look inside."

"Is kitty okay?" Hector asked.

Jack walked up to the building and peered inside.

"There is a very large cave down here!" He called out, "I think the elevator fell through the floor."

"Nooo," Rick said sarcastically, "An elephant flew down from the clouds and landed there."

"THAT explains it," Lauren exclaimed. Everyone looked at her strangely.

"Should we go see if they're okay?" Lilly asked.

"If Rose died, I will be very very mad at her," Lauren growled.

"Are the bunnies alright?" Rick sounded worried.

"We could..." Tanya said, "Or we could go get some kettle corn."

"Kettle corn!" The rest of them exclaimed as they walked away from the scene to find a kettle corn stand.

* * *

"Ow, my head," Badrang sat up, rubbing his head where he banged it against a rock, "What happened?"

He looked around. The elevator was completely broken, and he seemed to have been able to stumble outside before he passed out. He looked around. Where were the rest of them?

Suddenly, he heard a yowl. Surprised, he jumped behind a rock and hid. Then he realized it sounded like Tsarmina. He didn't want to be alone, so he went toward the sound.

"Mrow! Help me!" Came the call.

He found it to be coming from behind a large rock that seemed to have collapsed against a wall. Tsarmina seemed to be behind it. But the voice... it didn't seem completely like Tsarmina. She had more of a... rough voice.

Then came another meow, "Oh shut up, you spoiled pet cat, don't be so helpless."

Now THAT was Tsarmina. But now there were _two_ cats?

Badrang, trying to be the tough macho man, pulled the rock out of the way. He saw Tsarmina along with another cat, who was as pure white as snow.

"AH! IT'S A GIANT WEASAL!" The stranger cat yelped.

"I'm a _stoat_," Badrang corrected, "And you're welcome."

"Yeah yeah," Tsarmina walked over to him, "This cat here was telling me off, so I came over to give her a good scratching when the boulder fell. Pity it missed her head."

The new cat glared at her. "I find it strange that you fell from the sky. Pity you survived."

"Ladies, ladies, please," Badrang said, "So, uh, who are you, exactly?"

The white cat sniffed indignantly and mewed, "My name is Duchess, if you must know. I belong to a very wealthy family in Paris. And_ I_ belong to the Disney Force."

"The what now?" Tsarmina asked.

"I, uh, said too much," Duchess mewed, "But I'm lost, so I'll allow you to return me to-"

"I'm not going to return you to anything," Tsarmina hissed, "You may be a stuck-up 'aristocat', but I'm a queen, and I give the orders."

"Yeah, and I'm uh, a tyrant... except I don't keep very good control over my slaves," Badrang said.

"Fascinating," Duchess yawned, "Hey, you're those Redwall guys right?"

"Kind of..." Tsarmina said, "We never set foot in the actual Redwall, but we're in the series."

"I didn't ask you for your life story," Duchess glared, "Anyway, if you are, then I guess I should help the ignorant. Yeah, you remember Mickey Mouse, right? They guy you beat up?"

"Yeah..." Badrang said, "That was fun."

"He's known to hold grudges or something like that," Duchess mewed, still bored, "Yeah, so he's gather a bunch of Disney characters together and are trying to kill you guys or something. It's funny, really."

"Lovely," Badrang said, "Hey, where'd everyone else go?"

"They left without us," Tsarmina answered, "I overheard them when I was behind that dumb rock. They thought we were dead, which meant that three of them died so they didn't have to worry anymore."

"Oh, now I feel loved," Badrang grumbled.

* * *

"So, now no more of us are gonna die?" Mattimeo asked.

"Yeah, 'cause Redtooth died awhile back," Matthias answered.

"Wow, both my mortal enemies died," Martin said, "I... I have nothing to live for anymore..."

Rose patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, you'll make new enemies."

"Are you sure?" Martin asked, worry in his eyes.

"Don't worry, I am positive," Rose assured him.

"Hey guys!" Badrang yelled out, then he and Tsarmina ran up to the group, "We're alive!"

Nobeast cheered.

"And," Tsarmina said, "We learned what this plot is about."

Everybeast gathered around them. Duchess twitched her tail in annoyance.

"Mickey Mouse is leading an army of Disney Characters to try and kill us," Badrang announced.

"Yay!!!" Everyone cheered, then paused, thought for a moment, and screamed.

* * *

Ironbeak and the three disney characters were sitting an an underground cavern. The guy in armor sat in a chair, looking very bored.

"Can we hurry this up?" The Disney character in the armor asked, "My wife is waiting for me."

"Why are you wearing that ridiculous armor?" The Native American woman asked.

"It looks COOL!" The man insisted.

"Shang, you do realize that these are animals, we don't need armor," the woman said.

"That's GENERAL Shang to you!" The man, named Shang, yelled, "You know, you remind me a lot of my wife, Mulan."

"Whatever," the woman said.

"What's your name anyway?" Shang asked, "I can never pronounce it. Pokeahauntass right?"

"NO YOU IDIOT!" The woman yelled, "It's Pocahantas! I told you a million times!"

"Don't be sassy," Shang grumbled.

"Both of you shut up," the lion growled between his teeth.

"Simba talks?" Shang asked, surprised.

"Yes, you idiot," Pocahontas said, "You know me and nature."

"Oh yeah, you sang that dumb song," Shang reminded himself.

"IT'S NOT DUMB!!!" Pocahontas insisted, "It's famous!

Can you paint with all the colors of the-"

"LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!" Shang interrupted, "To defeat the-"

"Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the-" They began to compete over singing, each getting louder every time.

"Did they send me daughters, when I asked for-"

"Can you sing with all the voices of the-"

"Mister I'll, make a man, out of-"

"NO SINGING!" Simba growled.

They ignored him. Ironbeak was sitting in a bird cage, which was more demeaning than it was torment.

"_Or asked the grinning bobcat why he-_"

"_Tranquil as a forest, but on fire-"_

_ "YOU CAN OWN THE EARTH AND STILL-"_

_ "WE MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER!"_

_ "ALL YOU'LL OWN IS EARTH UNTIL-"_

_**"WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON!"**_

_** "YOU CAN PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND!"**_

_** "AS MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!" **_

"HAKUNA MATATA!" Simba suddenly roared to shut them both up.

"Interesting medley," Ironbeak cawed.

"Nobody asked you," Shang glared at him.

"Shang is a funny name," Ironbeak said.

"And Pocahontas isn't???" Shang asked.

"At least you can find it on the website Babynames," Pocahontas sneered.

"You can find Simba too," Simba said, "It means lion. Original, isn't it?"

"I have a question," Ironbeak announced, "Are there any female birds in Disney?"

"Not that I know of," Simba shrugged, "There's a female owl in Harry Potter though."

"That's not Disney," Ironbeak grumbled.

* * *

"Now what?" Cornflower asked, holding Baby Rollo.

"Well, we could go looking for Lady Amber," Warthorn suggested.

"We have been for awhile," Matthias said.

Duchess purred in amusement. "I know where the one named Lady Amber is," she mewed.

"Tell us," Warthorn said.

"What's the magic word?" Duchess glared.

"_NOW_," Tsarmina growled.

"Such bad manners," Duchess said, "It's no wonder I'm a higher class than all of you Redwall characters."

"No you're_ not_," Tsarmina hissed, "I'm a queen, Badrang over there's a tyrant (even if he is a bad one), Ironbeak (wherever he is) is a war general, Swartt is a warlord (again, not a good one), Sunflash is a badgerlord (actually a decent one)-"

"I DON'T CARE!" Duchess yelled, "I still have the manners and formal customs of nobility, and I never died unlike many of the beats you named."

"I didn't die," Sunflash grumbled.

"Hey, how'd you know they all died?" Martin asked.

"I, uh, because, I'm smart, that's why," Duchess was taken-aback.

"Whatever," Tsarmina huffed.

"I'll help you find Lady Amber," Duchess offered, "If you help me find my lost kittens."

"I am very surprised you had kittens," Tsarmina mewed under her breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's just... you actually got a mate, which I find surprising."

"HEY!"

"Okay, Duchess," Matthias interrupted, "We'll help you find your lost kittens."

"Thank you, mousey," Duchess smiled, "Well, one is brown, one is orange, and the other is white, like me."

"That poor kitten," Tsarmina said under her breathe again, but Duchess either didn't hear or didn't care.

* * *

"NO! I TOLD YOU!" Elisha screamed, "I WANT IT TO BE A VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE FROSTING!"

She tackled Mangiz off of his chair.

"Um, honey, isn't that a little violent?" Chickenhound asked.

She got to her feet and glared at him.

"Stay out of this! This is MY wedding."

"But-"

"MANGIZ! THE THEME IS THINK PINK! I NEED A STRAWBERRY CAKE! ALL OF THE WOMEN WEAR PINK AND THE MEN WEAR RED!!!"

"Okay, okay, okay, okay, don't hurt me," Mangiz quickly scribbled down what she said.

"The flower girl is going to be Viola (as of Pearls of Lutra, of course), and the ring bearer will be Rollo (as of Mattimeo, obviously)," Elisha ordered, "My bride's maids are Lauren, Lilly, and Tanya. My maid of honor, hmmmm Sela, just to get on her good side. The groomsmen will be-"

"I thought I got to pick them," Chickenhound insisted.

Elisha tackled him down. But before she could do anything more violent, they saw a fox approach them. Chickenhound immediately felt jealousy when he saw the way Elisha looked at the newcomer fox.

"Uh, hi," the fox said, "I'm supposed to find you and bring you to our underground lair, so can you please come with me?"

"Oh course," Elisha smiled. Chickenhound glared at the fox and knew he would have to come with them to keep an eye on her. They left, following the stranger fox. Mangiz decided at the last minute to follow them, because he didn't like being left alone.

* * *

Duchess led the group to a tunnel in the underground cavern. "In here," she mewed, "They have my kittens."

"Who are 'they'?" Nightshade asked.

"Disney characters," Duchess replied.

"And why do they have your kittens?" Cornflower asked.

"Oh, they take something that means something to you so you will be loyal to them," duchess shrugged.

"Well, that's nice," Bluefen murmured.

"Whatever. Follow me," Duchess mewed. She went into the tunnel.

Nobeast really wanted to go through a tunnel following a Disney character, who was part of a group of Disney characters who wanted to kill them.

"Are you coming?" Duchess asked over her shoulder.

They glanced at each other. "I'll go," Warthorn offered, "You said you know where Lady Amber is."

"I'll go with you too," Martin and Matthias both said at the same time. They glared at each other.

"I should go," Martin said, "I'm the better warrior."

"No, I am," Matthias growled, "I was in more books than you."

"No you weren't! I was in every single book there is! Excluding Lord Brocktree, of course."

"I was _alive _in more books. AND I got my love interest and had a son."

"Hey no fair!" Rose said "Don't drag me into this!"

"You were in two books!" Martin exclaimed, "Redwall and Mattimeo!"

"No, I was also in the picture books The Great Redwall Feast and A Redwall Winter's Tale, AND The Redwall Cookbook! That's five!"

"Picture books? Cook book? Those don't count!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"Yes they do!"

"No they don't!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Constance shouted.

They both shut up.

* * *

"HEY!" Chickenhound shouted.

Elisha and the stranger fox had disappeared out of sight. They were going too fast for him, and now he was lost.

"Mangiz, where'd they go?" He asked. Mangiz wasn't there either.

"This isn't funny guys!" He yelled out. Something approached him from behind. Slowly, he turned around.

"No, I think vanilla pudding has a better texture," Shang said.

"Chocolate pudding is a better taste," Pocahontas said.

"But vanilla is also less expensive," Shang pointed out, "Since most people think chocolate's better, but they're wrong because they've never had pudding."

"C'mon guys, stop arguing for five minutes," Simba pleaded.

"Chocolate pudding has a better ring to it," Pocahontas insisted.

"THERE'S PUDDING WHERE IT'S CHOCOLATE ON TOP AND VANILLA ON BOTTOM!" Simba roared. They both went silent for a moment, then started up again.

"My movie's better than your movie," Shang said.

"You're not even the main character," Pocahontas said, "My movie is named after me. Your movie is named after your wife."

"Do they ever shut up?" Ironbeak whispered to Simba.

"No," Simba answered, "This is nothing. They once argued for five hours straight over if a hobo would prefer cheddar or mozzarella cheese."

"Wow..." Ironbeak said, "That's better than my arguments with Korvus."

"Who's Korvus? You're girlfriend?" Simba asked.

"NO! My girlfriend is Coo."

"Fine then."

"Look!" Elisha said to the terrified Chickenhound. She was holding a variety of citrus fruits: an orange, a lime, a grapefruit, a tangerine, and a pomelo, along with the lemon named Tucker Wan Kenobi Bob.

"I really was hoping you'd be a monster," Chickenhound said.

"These are our children! Tod, the fox here, took me to an orphanage. It had a strange name, it was called the 'Produce Isle' or something like that. Anyway, the grapefruit's name is Ting-Ting, the orange's name is Flag, the tangerine's name is Kuba, the lime's name is Orlando, and the pomelo's name is Molly."

"Ummm... okay..." Chickenhound said.

"Oh, and I went to the adoption agency. I know you want to raise a fellow fox, so I got us a daughter," Elisha said, "Here, hold the children."

She handed him the fruit and showed him the baby carriage. Inside was a little baby fox.

"What's her name?" Chickenhound asked.

"Grissoul," Elisha answered.

"_Grissoul_?" Chickenhound asked, "You know she grows up to be kinda crazy, right?"

"WHICH IS WHY WE RAISE HER BETTER!!!!!!!" Elisha yelled.

"Okay okay," Chickenhound meekly replied.

They were standing very close to a ride called Grizzy River Run. Chickenhound almost slipped, but caught footing in time. He accidently loosened his grip on the fruit and Tucker Wan Kenobi Bob went tumbling into the river.

"TUCKER BOB!!!!!!!!!!!" Elisha screamed, "CHICKENHOUND, DO SOMETHING!"

She grabbed the remaining fruit from him and pushed him into the water.

"GO SAVE YOUR SON!" She yelled.

The lemon and the fox dropped down a painful waterfall. Chickenhound tried to grab for it but it kept slipping out of his grip. Finally his got a good grip on it just as the powerful water went around a sharp bend, knocking his head against a rock (ow that's gotta hurt).


	15. I Am Surrounded By Crazy People!

_I just realized I never claimed to not own any of this. I do not own any Disney characters, Redwall characters, or the pizza companies that are/will be mentioned. Nor do I own Microsoft and am not Bill Gates, but that doesn't make a difference, now does it?_

"Maybe I don't want to follow Duchess into the tunnel of doom," Rose said.

"Maybe I don't wanna lead you into the tunnel of doom," Duchess replied.

Martin and Matthias were still arguing.

"You don't even have a sword!" Martin yelled, "It's mine! You stole it!"

"At least I have descendants!" Matthias yelled back.

"You did NOT just go there."

"Oh, I DID!"

"Shut UP!" Constance screamed again.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!!" Duchess yowled, "C'mon, let's just go through the stupid tunnel."

"I don't think it's such a good idea," Cornflower said.

"You're all wimps," Tsarmina said, "I'll go myself, I don't need this prissy kitty to help me."

"Are you sure? What if it's a trap?" Bluefen asked.

Tsarmina was already around the corner of the tunnel.

"Hey, Badrang, why don't you go with her?" Breeze asked.

"Excuse me?" Badrang looked at her strangely, "Why me?"

"C'mon," Breeze said, "It's obvious..."

"_What's_ obvious?"

Breeze glanced at Dotti and they both smiled.

"WHAT?!?!"

"You know, the author like to put strange romances in this story," Swartt said, "Like Basil and Jodd with Dotti and Breeze."

"THAT ENDED A LONG TIME AGO!" Jodd insisted.

* * *

"Sure, you keep believing that," Swartt said

"TUCKER WAN KANOBI BOB!!! IS HE OKAY?!?!?!" Elisha screamed.

She ran over to her unconscious husband and grabbed the lemon and started cradling it. Mangiz and Todd walked up pushing a very large stroller full of the fruit (and Grissoul). Elisha wrapped Tucker Bob in a towel and put him in the stroller.

"What about Chickenhound?" Mangiz asked.

"...my baby almost drowned and you're concerned about HIM!?!"

"I think he just slipped into a coma," Todd said.

"...and?"

"POTATO!" Chickenhound suddenly cried out, and got to his feet.

"Woah, I think he's okay," Mangiz said.

Chickenhound searched through his pockets. "WHERE'S MY CHAIN?!!!?!?!!?!?!" He screamed, "MY SHINY CHAIN!?!?!?"

"Shut up about some stupid chain, even if it is shiny," Elisha said, "We have to get the wedding started."

"WHAT?!"

* * *

"Can we at least order pizza? Being kidnapped makes me hungry," Ironbeak said.

"Sure. Let's call Domino's Pizza," Shang said, "And that's GENERAL Shang to you, author lady person."

"No, I want to call Pizza Hut," Pocahontas said.

"Oh jeez, here we go," Simba said, "JUST ORDER ROUND TABLE PIZZA!"

General Shang shrugged and picked up a random phone he found on the table.

"Where are we? Does this place have telephone connection?" Ironbeak asked.

"Some underground cavern," Simba answered.

"Hello," General Shang said, "Is this Round Table Pizza? Good, I have a question. You have pizza right? ....good, good. I'd like to order a pizza. ...No, I don't know what's on it, I don't make pizza. ...ew, what is THAT? ...oh, pizza sauce, yes that will be helpful. Cheese too. ... yeah, extra pepperoni and sausage."

"Add some mushrooms and olives," Pocahontas said.

"Ew, no, I hate mushrooms and olives," Shang said, " and I won't point out that you forgot the GENERAL..... make that an extra large. No, I'm not that hungry, how about a small. No... medium. I DON'T KNOW!!! How about... a small and a half. I want half to be cheese, one quarter to be sausage, one quarter pepperoni, and one quarter mushrooms. What? What do you MEAN that's more than a whole?!?! I CAN HAVE YOU ARRESTED, YOU KNOW I'M A GENERAL!!!!! Oh, yeah, that IS more than a whole. Okay make only a quarter cheese then. What? $30.00?!?! THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS! I have Domino's pizza on the other line. Lowest bidder gets it. Uhh... $25.00! DO I HERE $25 DOLLARS? $20 DOLLARS! $15! $10! Going once, going twice, SOLD TO ROUND TABLE PIZZA! Deliver to the Evil Underground Lair in Disneyland, okay?"

He hung up.

"That was the best way I've ever seen anyone get cheap pizza," Ironbeak said.

"Let's just go see Mickey," Pocahontas said.

"TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!!" Ironbeak cawed, "Wait... whose Mickey?"

They didn't answer and carried him outside (remember, he's in a bird cage). They went down an underground tunnel with a bunch of side tunnels. If you got lost down here, you probably stayed lost. Which is just great because GeneralShang and Pocahontas were still arguing.

"You went the wrong way," Pocahontas said, "You turn left, not right."

"I know what I'm doing," General Shang said, "Oh... I don't remember this tunnel being here."

"You got us lost?" Simba sighed, "Figures."

"Okay... if you don't mind letting be out, I'll just fly away now," Ironbeak said.

"This isn't tunnel 342.25B," Pocahontas said, "I don't know what it is."

"LOVELY!" Simba said, a little loudly.

* * *

"I heard a voice," Cluny said.

"This isn't new," Sela said, "You always are hearing voices."

"BUT THEY WEREN'T SPEAKING SPANISH THIS TIME!" Cluny insisted, "It sounded like... ENGLISH! THEY SHOUTED 'LOVELY'!"

"He's right," Orlando the Axe said, "Wow... I never thought I would say that about Cluny."

Duchess, Tsarmina, and Badrang weren't there. Badrang and Duchess followed Tsarmina after she left by herself. The author finally woke up.

"I haven't said much or done much in the last few chapters," she said, "So... hi again."

"Oh great," Gonff said, "I thought we got rid of her."

"YOU CAN NEVER GET RID OF THE AUTHOR, MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"DOOOOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny howled.

"Exactly. Anyway, let's get this plot moving faster," the author said.

"That is NOT good!" Veil exclaimed.

* * *

"Did anyone else here someone scream 'DOOOOOOOOOM'?" Pocahontas asked.

"You're crazy," General Shang said.

"How could you not have heard it?!" Pocahontas asked, "YOU'RE crazy!'

"No, YOU are!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"You!"

"No you!"

"SHUT _**UP **_ALREADY!!!" Simba roared.

"It was the Doom Bunny, I recognized it," Ironbeak said.

"Whose the Doom Bunny? A Redwall character, right?" General Shang asked.

"Uh, yeah."

Shang and Pocahontas glanced at each other.

"Well," Pocahontas said, "They might be lost. Maybe we should help them."

"But WE'RE lost ourselves," Simba said.

"Shhhhhhhh," Pocahontas shushed him.

"It's GENERAL Shang! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!?!" _General_ Shang growled to the author.

"But I want my shiny chain," Chickenhound said.

"Shut up. We're getting the wedding ready," Elisha said.

Chickenhound put the mask on.

"Have fun with your wedding guys, I'll go get the chain for Chickenhound," he said, then walked off.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!!!" Elisha screamed, but he ran away.

"It's okay," Todd said, "He's not all that great. He thinks that chain's better than you."

"Are you hitting on me?" Elisha asked.

"Uh... of course not," Todd said, "You know... trying the knot is a big decision. Are you sure about this?"

"Of course! I've known Chickenhound for so long!" Elisha insisted.

"How long?"

"We got engaged on our five minute anniversary."

"I'm sure five minutes of a relationship is an achievement for you."

"Stop flirting with her," Mangiz whispered in Todd's ear, "She's psycho."

"But she's the only woman I can find who digs foxes," Todd said.

Meanwhile, Slagar was looking for his precious chain. He wanted it so much because it was SHINY! DUH!

"It's in the river," he said out loud.

"No duh, stupid," Chickenhound said.

"Well," Slagar said, "Whose going to go in to get it?"

"I got a concussion last time I did," Chickenhound said, "You do it."

"Okay..." Slagar agreed.

Slagar waded into the river. He was about to dive under and look when he heard some splashing. He glanced over his shoulder to see a circular raft-boat thing crashing toward him. Inside was someone he gasped when he recognized...

"I lived underground," Korvus Skurr said, "I can get us out of here."

"What about us?" the doomwytes asked, "We did too."

"You're all dumb and I'm your leader," Korvus concluded, "And now I just realized something: Ironbeak and Mangiz aren't here, so technically we're triumphant. Remember that we were at war with them!"

The doomwytes stared at him blankly.

"I WANT A FISH TACO!" Cluny shouted suddenly and without any kind of warning.

"Matthias," Cornflower whispered, "I'm scared."

"Don't worry, we'll get out of these tunnels," Matthias assured her.

"No... Cluny was looking at me when he said that..." Cornflower said.

"Daddy," Mattimeo said, "I'm scared too. The author has been sticking to the plot for the last few chapters!"

Everybeast gasped.

"Right," the author said, "Which is exactly why the NEXT chapter after this will be... well, similar to the hotel scenes. Anyway, I've been dragging something on for too long now."

Suddenly, Pocahontas, Shang, Simba, and Ironbeak came in through one of the tunnels.

"That's GENERAL Shang to you!" General Shang yelled at the author, "GET IT RIGHT!!!"

"Who are these people?" Gonff asked.

"I just said their names, smart one," the author answered.

"Hi," Pocahontas said, "Uh.... we're kinda lost right now. But could you all come with us anyway?"

"Go where?" Martin asked.

"Uh... we'll take you to the greatest place on Earth," General Shang said.

"You sound like child kidnappers," Rose said.

"We'll take you all to Disneyworld" Pocahontas said.

"We're already in Disneyland," Sela said.

"DisneyWORLD is different..." General Shang said.

"Oh, stop it, both of you," Simba said, "Ignore them. They're just trying to kidnap you 'cause the mouse said so, and they think what he says, goes."

"But Mickey is the Big Cheese!" General Shang exclaimed. Everyone stared at him.

"I'm ignoring that," Simba said, "Yeah, they were told to capture you guys or something like that. I dunno."

"This is awkward, but can you PLEASE let me out of the cage now?" Ironbeak asked.

"Sure, whatever," Simba unlatched the lock even though he has no fingers whatsoever but nobody cares because this is a very random story and every so often can defy the laws of physics.

"Wait... does that mean Duchess is kidnapping Warthorn, Tsarmina, and Badrang?" Nightshade asked.

"Probably," Pocahontas shrugged.

"I think we should go save them," Martin said. Everybeast stared at him in shock, considering Tsarmina and Badrang were his enemies.

"I mean, we save Warthorn," Martin quickly covered it up.

"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" Slagar yelled, "YOU'RE THAT- AHHHHH!" He jumped out of the river as the boat came crashing toward him. He was grabbed by big hands and pulled into the boat. His mask accidently fell into the river.

"SLAGAR!!!!" Chickenhound screamed. Then he turned and faced the creature in the boat.

"You're the MAN-BEAR-THING!!!!!!!!" He shrieked, "I THOUGHT YOU DIED ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN IN CHAPTER 5!!!"

The Man-Bear-Thing roared and threw a bunch of brochures at him. They went down a waterfall and mad a loud _splash_.

"THERE IS ALWAYS SOME TYPE OF CHARACTER WHO COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD, AND YOU'RE HIM!!!" Chickenhound screamed. _Ironic moment..._

"RAWR!!!" The Man-Bear-Thing roared.

"I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY WEDDING AND hey look, my shiny chain!" Chickenhound spotted the chain on a tree branch and managed to grab it as the boat went underneath it.

"So she says 'That's not my car!' and I say, 'That's not a Ford Mustang'," Rick concluded.

The rest of the creepy fangirl/boys laughed hysterically. They sat in a buffet called Captain Clogg's, and they absolutely LOVED the food.

"Hey," Lilly said, "I wonder what happened to those Redwall guys."

"OH EM GEE!" Lauren suddenly ran up to them, "LOOKWHAT I FOUND! SOME GUY IN A BEAR SUIT HANDED ME THIS BROCHURE! IT SAYS THAT A BUNCH OF DISNEY CHARACTERS WILL BE HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT AT 5:00! AND MULAN AND SHANG WILL BE THERE!"

"REALLY?!?!" Jack imitated her, "That's like, oh em gee, so boring."

"I know how much you like your Mulan videos," Tanya said, "But...

"BUT WE'RE GOING TO GO SEE THEM!!!" Lauren shrieked.

"OKAY!" Everyone else, except for Jack, cheered.

"I'M SURROUNDED BY CRAZY PEOPLE!" Jack screamed.

_ Yeah... short chapter, I know... So now Chickenhound is kidnapped by the Bear-Man-Thing, Duchess is kidnapping Warthorn, Tsarmina, and Badrang, and the Disney characters are hosting some sort of party. _


	16. Forbidden Love and Epic Ninja Moments

_The last few chapters haven't been... random enough. I mean... I've actually been paying attention to the PLOT! THAT'S NOT NATURAL! So random things will happen... but even more in the next chapter. DUN DUN DUN!!!_

"This tunnel is so long!" Duchess complained.

"You're the one leading us down it," Tsarmina grunted.

"Are you sure this is the right one?" Warthorn asked.

"I, uh, think so," Duchess mewed. They came to a large door.

"I am going to assume this is it, but i might be wrong," Badrang said.

Duchess tried to open the door. "Locked," she hissed.

"I have an idea," Tsarmina said, "It involves Badrang."

"Um, how exactly does it involve me?" Badrang asked.

Tsarmina smiled evilly.

* * *

"This is like a rescue mission," Veil said.

"Uh, yeah, I guess rescuing a stoat, an otter, and a wildcat from a snooty aristocat that probably is declawed could count as a rescue mission," Mattimeo said.

Without warning, the Mission Impossible song began to play from nowhere.

"THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!" Veil yelled.

_ BAM!_

"What was that?" Sela asked.

"It sounded like something crashing against a door or a wall or something," Nightshade answered, "And it came from up ahead!"

Rose pouted when she said 'crashing against a door or a wall'.

* * *

"WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?!?!" Badrang shouted.

"What? Slamming your head against a door isn't necessary?" Tsarmina asked.

"Does ANYONE ELSE find this VERY VERY IRONIC?" The author asked.

"Hey, at least I didn't say you needed to use your head," Warthorn said.

"I had to resist," the author said.

"Owwww," Badrang was still lying on the ground.

"Well, that didn't work," Duchess mewed.

"It wasn't supposed to," Tsarmina grinned, "I just really wanted to do that."

* * *

"Oh no..."

The majority group reached a fork in the tunnels.

"I think we go left!" Pocahontas said.

"No you idiot, we go right," General Shang argued.

"DON'T EVEN START!" Simba growled.

"Maybe half of us should go one way, the other go the other way," Cornflower said.

They were silent for a moment, then Swartt said, "NO! THAT'S TOO LOGICAL!"

"Hey, this is probably a bad time," the author said, "But I'm planning somebeast's death in this chapter."

* * *

They were silent for a moment (again), then everybeast screamed.

"Did anyone else hear screaming?" Warthorn asked.

"I dunno," Tsarmina said, "This switching back and forth is confusing me."

"Hey guys, I have an idea," Badrang said, "When you crashed my head into the door, I got all smart. Why don't we just knock on the door and see who answers?"

"Smart...?" Tsarmina asked.

"Test me."

"Okay. [2y(5x4f3x-4974/246)/53z+3w3a5y(8-4y)z6]5+(n-t)," Tsarmina said, "Find x."

"X is next to the 5 and the 3 in the first term," Badrang sounded confident.

"Woah, you just blew my mind," the author said.

"Just knock on the stupid door," Duchess mewed.

Badrang did as he was told.

"WHO GOES THERE?" A voice boomed from behind the door.

"Duchess," Duchess answered.

"Go away," the voice said, "You annoy me."

"I'm on a special mission from You Know Who," Duchess said.

"...oh, fine, I'm just messing with you," the menacing voice said.

The door swung open to reveal... Winnie the Pooh.

"I did NOT expect that," the author said.

"Welcome," said Pooh, "To the Disney Force Home Base."

* * *

"So, where is this party thing?" Rick asked.

"I don't know. But hurry! It starts right now!!!" Lauren said.

"It says 'The Disneyland Hotel'," Lilly read.

"Good, you can read at a third grade level," Jack said sarcastically.

"WE ARE GOING TO THE HOTEL!!!! NOOOWWWW!" Lauren shrieked.

"She really likes Mulan," Jack sighed.

"WELL I WANT TO MEET TINKERBELL!" Rick shouted, "I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER!"

"I WANT TO MEET ZAZU AND ALL THE OTHER BIRDS!" Lilly screamed.

"LION KING!" Hector yelled, "THE ARISTOCATS!"

"I've always wanted to be a Disney princess," Tanya said dreamily.

"I AM STILL SURROUNDED BY CRAZY PEOPLE!" Jack exclaimed.

"Elisha's the craziest," the author said, "Then I'd say Hector comes in second... then Lauren then Lilly then Rick then Tanya and Jack is actually slightly sane."

"SLIGHTLY?!?" Jack yelled.

"Where's Elisha?" Lilly asked.

"Remember, she got engaged," Lauren said.

"Are we invited to the wedding?" Rick asked.

"I like cake..." Hector said, "But not cupcakes..."

Suddenly, Mangiz flew down. "Here's your invitations," he said, handing them each a letter, "Smell them. Now."

"Smell them...?" Tanya asked.

"I had to make three hundred of these. I write everything down, tie a little bow, then spray with a hint of orange. But if you spray too much, it leaves a freakin' spot and you have to do it over again. And again, and again, and AGAIN until it's five in the morning and you pass out and when you wake up your told that the ribbons are champagne colored and bridezilla wants GOLD ribbons, not CHAMPAGNE. So smell them. Now."

They obeyed before Mangiz tried to hurt them.

"BIRDIE!" Lilly screamed, but Mangiz already flew away.

"This says the wedding's tomorrow!" Lilly said.

* * *

"Good, you can now read at FOURTH grade level," Jack huffed.

"Where are you taking me?" Chickenhound asked.

The bear-man-thing shrugged.

"...okay then. I gotta go... my fiancee is gonna worry about me..."

"RAWR!"

"Okay then... this isn't a very stimulating conversation."

"Rawr RAWR _rawr_ rawr."

"Interesting. Go on."

"Rawr rawr RAWR rawr rrrrrraaaawwwrrrrrr."

"I agree completely," Chickenhound said, "Hey, look! I see the snakes!"

The man-bear-thing looked around, and shrugged.

"Look! Over there! Over those trees!" Chickenhound stood up to peer over the tree tops, "No wait... I'm wrong. False al-aaarrrrmmm!"

He lost his balance and stumbled into the river of doom.

"I am REALLY getting sick of this stupid river," he yelled as his head broke the surface.

* * *

"How could he LEAVE me?!?!" Elisha sobbed.

"It's okay," Todd comforted her, "He's a jerk and doesn't deserve you."

"Stop HITTING on me!" Elisha told him.

"I'm not."

"Hey Elisha," Mangiz said, flying down to them, "I spotted Chickenhound as I was flying back. He's in the river at Grizzly River Run!"

"We have to rescue him!" Elisha declared.

"We?" Mangiz asked.

"Hm... we need someone whose ninja enough for the job..." Elisha said.

"Why? He can fend for himself," Todd said.

"I'm ENGAGED to him!" Elisha exclaimed.

"If I was to help you save him, would you like me more?" Todd asked.

"Um..."

"I am going to take that as a yes."

"Hey Todd," Mangiz said, "I thought you already had a love interest with Vixey."

"Yeah... she broke up with me," Todd said sadly, "She said 'I don't want to date a guy who might get me shot whenever I go out with him'. Anyway, c'mon! I know who can help!"

He ran off, Elisha following him. Mangiz stood these, wondering why Chickenhound didn't realize that the water was shallow. It reminded him of that time with Veil, which is not a good thing.

* * *

"Okay, I have an idea," Gonff said, "Why don't we go in the direction of Duchess's voice, since we're trying to find her."

"...SMART!!!" Everyone else exclaimed.

They decided to try his plan. Surprisingly, it actually worked!

"It's a DOOR!" Cluny exclaimed.

"Yes Cluny, it IS a door," Matthias sighed, "Do you know how to OPEN a door?"

"Well DUH!" Cluny said, then crashed his head against it and passed out.

"Exactly," Matthias said.

"You knock on the door," Pocahontas sighed.

"I'm going to knock on it," Dotti said.

"Maybe I want to knock on it," Breeze glared at her.

"No more arguing please!" Jodd said. He knocked on the door himself.

"WHO'S THERE?" The big menacing voice boomed.

"Banana," Jodd answered.

"BANANA WHO?"

Jodd knocked on the door again.

"WHO'S THERE?"

"Banana," Jodd answered.

"BANANA WHO?"

Jodd knocked on the door again.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, WHO IS THERE?!?!"

"Orange," Jodd concluded.

"ORANGE WHO?"

"Orange you glad I didn't say-"

"JODD!" Bluefen yelled, "This is getting us absolutely nowhere."

"IF I OPEN THE DOOR, WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?" The voice asked.

"No," Jodd said truthfully, "But you should open it anyway."

"Let them in," a familiar voice said. It was Duchess.

"FINE."

The door opened and Winnie the Pooh stood there. "Welcome to the Disney Force Home Base. I hope you enjoy your... ahem... stay."

"Guys... does anyone else recognize this place?" Mattimeo asked.

They looked around the room.

"It's... The Disneyland Hotel," Sunflash answered.

"Didn't we just stay in this hotel a few nights ago... wait... how long has it been?" Cornflower asked, "The flow of time here confuses me."

* * *

"Here we are!" Lilly said, "The Disneyland Hotel!"

"I CAN FINALLY MEET THE KITTIES FROM THE LION KING!!!" Hector skrieked.

"I CAN MEET MULAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lauren screamed at the top of her lungs, "Oh, and SHANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, GENERAL Shang!!!"

* * *

"Over here!" Todd called. Elisha followed him through the underground tunnel. They were running very fast, so fast that they couldn't stop in time as they got to the door of the Disney Force Home Base and crashed into the mob of Redwall characters.

"HEY GUYS!" Elisha screamed, "IT'S YOU!"

"Um... hi Elisha..." the Redwallers said back, disappointed to see her again because they thought they got rid of her.

"Chickenhound's in danger and we're looking for help," Elisha said.

"CHICKENHOUND IS IN DANGER?!?!" Nightshade screamed.

"Okay..." Sela said, "So... what are we supposed to do about it?"

"It depends... are any of you ninja enough to save him from a flowing river?" Todd asked.

"I can!" General Shang announced, "But I'll need help. Follow me!"

Elisha and Todd (and Nightshade, who was worried about her nephew) ran after him. He went into a random hotel room.

"Mulan?" he said, opening the door.

"CLOSE THE FREAKIN' DOOR!" A large woman screamed, diving behind the bed.

"S-s-sorry ma'am, wrong room," General Shang shut the door quickly.

"Who was THAT?!" Elisha asked.

"Ursula... who apparently was shaving," Todd said, shaking his head.

"...shaving?" Nightshade asked.

"I'm not sure," General Shang said, "It's... personal. Anyway, it's the NEXT door."

He opened the other room. Inside, Mulan was cornered by a crazy fangirl.

"SHANG!" Mulan screamed, "HELP!"

"That's GENERAL Shang!" General Shang growled.

The girl turned around. She had a goofy grin on her face. "SHAAAAAAAAANNGGG!!!!!!!"

"Oh no..." Todd backed away.

"Lauren!" Elisha said, "Calm down!"

Lauren tackled General Shang to the ground.

"I LOVE YOU!" She squealed, "BUT I DON'T WANT TO STEAL YOU FROM MULAN!"

"GET OFF OF ME! MULAN AND I HAVE TO RESCUE SOMEONE!"

"Oh... em... gee... A RESCUE MISSION!!??" Lauren shrieked, "WE CAN PLAY THE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME!!! I WANNA COME WITH YOU!!!"

"NO!"

"I'M COMING WITH YOU!!!!!" Lauren announced, "LET'S GO!"

She grabbed them both and dragged them along.

* * *

"Okay, here's the plan," Mulan said, standing by the river, "Lauren, you stay here. Elisha and Nightshade, you make sure she doesn't kill herself. Shang and I-"

"GENERAL Shang," General Shang growled.

"I'm your wife. I can call you anything I want," Mulan said, "Anyway, Shang and I will get our ninja on."

"I WANT TO BE NINJA!" Lauren yelled.

"I WANT YOU TO SAVE CHICKENHOUND NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Elisha screamed.

"We're working on it!" Mulan yelled.

"I have a question," Nightshade said, "Didn't they kidnapped Mulan so General Shang would work for them?"

"Uh.........." Mulan and Shang ("That's GENERAL Shang!" General Shang growled) glanced at each other.

"I told you, we're ninja," Mulan said.

"I rescued her," General Shang declared.

"She was sitting in a hotel room," Elisha said.

"No, it WAS locked, silly," Lauren said, "But I broke in."

"That's a little obsessive," Todd observed.

"Whatever let's just do this," Mulan said.

"Well," the author said, "We'll check back with you. Let's get back to the hotel."

* * *

"Am I the only one who thinks it's a bit creepy that we slept in this place when it was actually the home base of the people who are trying to kill us?" Bluefen asked.

"Nah, it happens all the time," Cornflower said.

"So.... why are we just standing in the middle of the lobby?" Basil asked, "And all the Disney characters are staring at us menacingly..."

Just then, the fangirls/boys ran over. They were reunited with their obsessions.

"BUNNY!!!!" Rick screamed and tackled Basil to the ground. Instead of helping him, the remaining hares scattered.

"KITTY!!!" Hector squealed and ran over to pet Tsarmina.

"BIRDIES!" Lilly was about to run over to Korvus, Ironbeak, the doomwytes (Mangiz was getting Elisha's wedding ready), Stryk, and Skarlath when she saw some Disney birds out of the corner of her eye.

"OH EM GEE! IT'S ZAZU AND DIABLO AND FLIT AND SCUTTLE AND IAGO AND ARCHIMEDES AND BIG MAMA!"

"I don't even know who all of those are," Tanya said.

"IT'S THE BIRDIE DUDE FROM THE LION KING, DIABLO IS THE RAVEN IN SLEEPING BEAUTY, FLIT IS THE HUMMINGBIRD GUY FROM POCAHONTAS, SCUTTLE IS THE SEAGULL IN THE LITTLE MERMAID, AND IAGO IS THE PARROT FROM ALADDIN, ARCHIMEDES IS THE OWL FROM THE SWORD IN THE STONE AND BIG MAMA IS THE OWL FROM THE FOX AND THE HOUND!" Lilly screamed all at once, then passed out from lack of air.

"Hey, you told me there weren't any female bids in Disney," Ironbeak said to Pocahontas, "But Big Mama is female..."

"Well," Pocahontas said, "The author forgot about her until a reviewer pointed her out."

"Is she okay?" Zazu asked, looking at Lilly.

"Okay as in physically from passing out, or okay as in mentally?" Frang asked.

"Both."

"She'll wake up eventually, but she's not okay in the head, like the rest of the fangirls/boys," Frang answered.

* * *

"Hey Jack, this is a suckish party," Tanya said, "Make it livelier."

"What do you want me to do?" Jack asked.

"Make something happen!" Tanya answered, "And unless I have fun, we are so breaking up."

"Uh, okay," Jack said, "What do you want me to do?"

Tanya handed him a party hat, a rubber duck, duct tape, and a balloon.

"Make something up," she told him.

* * *

Breeze looked around the corner into the hallway. The coast was clear. Cautiously, she began to walk down the aisle. There were no signs of Rick... Suddenly, she heard something moving in the plants. She froze.

"W-who's there?" She asked.

"That depends," a voice said, "Who are YOU?"

It wasn't Rick's voice, so Breeze relaxed.

"I'm Breeze," Breeze said, "Come on out of there, I won't hurt you."

A grey rabbit jumped out from the plant. He was shorter than Breeze but was... fluffier.

"I'm Thumper," the rabbit said.

_He's kinda cute_, Breeze thought, _Cuter than Basil and Jodd. But... he looks like a Disney character. And besides... he's a rabbit._

"I'm from the movie Bambi," Thumper continued, "But Mickey is planning some big battle and he needed all the characters he could get, so I'm here now."

"Wait... a big battle?" Breeze asked, "That wasn't mentioned before."

The author sighed and said, "Can't we have ANY surprises here?"

"What movie are you from?" Thumper asked Breeze, "The Fox and the Hound? One of the woodland animals in Snow White?"

_He thinks I'm a Disney character_. _Maybe I shouldn't tell him I'm a Redwall character, because if they're preparing for battle, then it might be dangerous... And he is pretty darn cute._

"Yeah, I'm a woodland creature, but in Sleeping Beauty, not Snow White," Breeze said.

"That's cool," Thumper said, "I mean, you got to sing with Princess Aurora. But my movie didn't have any songs that I sing."

"Oh..." Breeze said, "But you're a major character, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Bambi's best friend, so it's all good," Thumper said cheerfully, "Anyway, I think we should be getting back to Home Base for the meeting."

_He's not just cute. He's hot! Wait... did he say something about a meeting? Home Base? Interesting... I feel like a spy. Hehe... cue mission theme song._

Without warning, the Mission Impossible theme began to play.

* * *

"They've been gone for a long time," Elisha said, sitting at the edge of the river.

"It's okay," Nightshade said, "I heard that Shang and Mulan are certified ninjas."

"Not only that," Todd said, "But they went to the School of Awesome. Hehe... I did too."

"Really?" Elisha asked.

Todd nodded, seeing Elisha's gaze grow softer and more loving.

"Yeah," Todd continued, "I have a masters degree in awesomeness."

"I can't tell, are you flirting with her?" Nightshade asked, "If you are, then you're failing miserably."

"Shut up," Todd barked.

"Todd, you're nice, but I'm engaged," Elisha said, "We should just stay friends."

Todd was silent for a moment, then turned away. "Yes," he said, "Just friends..."

"Hey sorry to interrupt your I-will-get-revenge moment," Nightshade interrupted again, "But has anyone seen Lauren?"  
"Oh no..." Elisha sighed.

* * *

"There he is!" Mulan pointed at Chickenhound, who was holding on to a rock in the river. They were perched on some of the rocks at the side of the river.

"Okay, here's the plan," General Shang said, "You go on to the east side of this river, grab a tree branch and throw me this knife. I will carve a sundial into this rock and throw it at you. You catch it and-"

"Can't we just throw him a rope or something?" Mulan asked.

"...Riiiight," General Shang agreed.

"Hold on!" Mulan called to Chickenhound, "We're going to throw you a rope!"

"I CAN'T SWIM!" Chickenhound yelled.

"WHICH IS WHY WE'RE TRYING TO HELP YOU!" Mulan yelled back

Shang threw the rope to the fox. He didn't even notice that the author forgot to put the word 'general'. Chickenhound grabbed on to the rope and hung on tight. But suddenly, the Bear-Man-Thing in his raft came crashing through. He grabbed Chickenhound and pulled him into the log, which pulled Mulan and Shang into the river.

"LET GO OF THE ROPE!" General Shang shouted.

"NO I CAN'T SWIM!" Chickenhound screamed.

"YOU'RE NOT IN WATER!" Mulan yelled.

"NOOO!!!!" Chickenhound shrieked.

"Don't let go!" General Shang said to Mulan.

"I WASN'T PLANNING TO, FOR YOUR INFORMATION!" Mulan screamed as the raft went down a waterfall.

* * *

Lauren sat down by the Grizzly River Rapids and sighed.

"Where are they?" She asked out loud, "Oh forget it, I'll never find them."

Suddenly, the raft zoomed by with Mulan and Shang trailing behind.

"WAIT FOR ME!" Lauren screamed.

"HELP US!" Mulan yelled back.

"OH MY GOD you're asking ME for help?!?!" Lauren asked.

"YES!" Mulan yelled from the distance as the raft went faster.

Lauren ran after them, trying to impress them. Then she realized that the rafts were filled with air... She grabbed a knife (she always had one hidden in her sock) and threw it at the inflated part of the raft. It popped and sank into the water, coming to a stop. Mulan and Shang exchanged glances, then climbed into the sunken raft. Shang grabbed the Bear-Man-Thing and Mulan grabbed Chickenhound and pulled them both to the rocks that bordered the river.

"Who is this bear-man-thing?" Mulan asked.

"Let's see," Shang said. He pulled off the bear costume's head...

* * *

"If this is a 'party'," Cluny said, "Then where's the CAKE?!?!"

"Don't you remember?" Ironbeak asked, "You dove into it headfirst an hour ago."

Meanwhile, Baby Rollo wandered through the hotel. There were many Disney characters and many people, and every so often a Redwall Suddenly, he was grabbed by something and pulled into a hotel room.

"I got one!" A voice exclaimed.

"You were SUPOSSED to wait until Mickey gave orders," another voice grunted.

Baby Rollo could see two adult men arguing. One of them had black hair and the other had brown hair, but that was all he could see, because his head was to the ground.

"Not only that," the second voice continued, "But this is a baby. Good going, Philip."

"Hey it's not my fault!" The first voice, who was Philip, insisted, "I saw a vole. What do you want from me?"

"You kidnapped a baby, you sick person," the second person said, "Do you really want that on your conscience?"

"Now, Eric, think about it. If we let him go now, he'll just tell the rest of them what we're doing."

"Dude, for the third time: This. Is. A. Baby," Eric said.

"So? Some babies can talk."

"You know what, maybe you're not the best guy to work with. I knew I should have partnered up with Aladdin."

"Hey, you didn't have to fight a freakin' dragon!" Philip yelled.

"You didn't almost marry an ugly sea witch," Eric replied.

"Bye bye," Rollo said. While the two of them were fighting, he slipped away through the door.

"Look!" Philip growled, "He got away thanks to you!"

"You know what, I don't like your attitude."

"I don't like your face!"

"Oh, bring it on!"

* * *

"Let's see," Jack said, "Tanya gave me a rubber duck, a balloon, a party hat, and duct tape to make this party interesting... And if I don't, she'll break up with me! Uh..."

He sat in a chair in the lobby. An hour later, he finished his creation. He used the string from the party hat to tie the duck to the balloon. He hung a strip of duct tape from the duck. He had absolutely no idea what it was supposed to do, but he decided it was good enough.

"Here, Tanya," he said, handing it to her."

"What is this?" She asked.

"Something that will probably be a plot element later," Jack answered.

* * *

"Come here, Veil," Swartt said to his son.

"What do you want?" Veil asked.

"Well, I've been thinking. I've never been a very good father figure to you-"

"You killed me," Veil reminded him.

"Exactly," Swartt said, "When you were growing up, we never had quality father and son time to get to know each other."

"Where are you going with this?" Veil asked.

Swartt didn't say anything. He walked over to a bag and pulled out a football.

"Here ya go, son," he said, throwing it at Veil. It whacked Veil in the head with a loud _BAM._

"You were supposed to catch that," Swartt said.

"Tell me about it," Veil said, getting up off of the floor.

"I need to teach you how to play football," Swartt said.

"No, Dad, really, you-"

"And then I'm gonna take you fishing, and we'll build a derby car together, and go camping, and go to a football game, and-"

"No, Dad, please," Veil said, "I don't wanna-"

"Come on, let's go!" Swartt said, dragging his son off.

* * *

"Come on Breeze, this way!" Thumper led her through the hallway, "We need to get to the meeting."

"You must be important if you're invited to a meeting," Breeze said.

"Well, I suppose," Thumper said, blushing, "You're important too."

"No, I'm just one of those woodland creatures in the background," Breeze said, staying with her cover.

"No... you're special to me," Thumper said.

It was Breeze's turn to blush.

_I forgot, _Breeze thought_, In Disney, they're used to falling in love in, like, five minutes. Well, I'm just fine with that!_

_ Yeah, kind of an abrupt ending, but I wanted to save a couple surprises for the next chapter. So... yeah._


	17. Wedding for Disaster

_Yay, today's chapter has a special guest star ;)._

"Thank you for saving Chickenhound!" Elisha said to Lauren, Shang, and Mulan.

Shang forgot to grumble about how the author forgot 'General' because he was still recovering so the author decided to take advantage.

"And Slagar!" Chickenhound insisted, clutching the mask.

"Weren't we about to unmask the Bear-Man-Thing?" Shang asked.

"Nah, he ran away," Elisha said, "But whatever, it's time for the wedding!!!"

Chickenhound gulped.

"This is like a Disney movie," Todd said, walking up to them, "Where they fall in love in, like, a day."

"But I'm not-" Chickenhound started to say.

"I _KNOW_!" Elisha shrieked, "I've always wanted to be a Disney princess!"

"I'm not a prince and-"

"WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE WEDDING!" Elisha screamed. She grabbed her fiancee by the arm and dragged him away.

"Where is it?" Nightshade asked.

"The Sleeping Beauty castle!" Elisha answered.

* * *

"Okay, when I throw the ball, you whack it with the bat," Swartt instructed.

"But Dad, I don't-" Veil started to say.

"SHUT UP SO WE CAN SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER!" Swartt yelled.

They were standing in a field that they randomly came across. He threw a baseball at his son. Veil, not knowing how to swing the bat because he never heard of such a sport, got whacked in the head (again).

"I guess sports aren't your thing, huh?" Swartt said.

"OW! WHAT GIVES YOU THE THAT FEELING?!" Veil growled, getting to his feet (paws?) and rubbing a bump on his head.

"Well, we can do something manly that doesn't involve sports," Swartt said, "Like, say, fishing. That's it! I know a good lake where the fish practically leap into your net! Well, they don't really leap into your net, because they're not suicidal fish, but you get the idea."

"I thought some people consider fishing a sport," Veil said.

"We're not 'some people'," Swartt answered, "I'll go get my fishing poles!"

"How do you have fishing poles?" Bluefen asked, walking up to them, "You were a little occupied with taking over Salamandastron and killing Sunflash. Which, by the way, never worked!"

"Stop rubbing it in," Swartt sighed, "And I got bored sometimes, okay? Is that so wrong?"

"Yes."

"Let's just go to the lake I was telling you about," Swartt said.

* * *

"OKAY!" Lilly screamed out in the lobby of the hotel, "IT'S TIME FOR ELISHA'S WEDDING!"

"We're in the middle of a Disnyland event," Some random Disneyland worker said, "You can't leave now!

"TOO BAD!!!"

"Whatever," Rick said, "We'll come back later! IT'S ELISHA'S WEDDING! I'm a bride's maid!"

Everyone stared at Rick.

"But you're a guy..." Cornflower said.

Rick giggled. Everyone backed away.

"HURRY UP!" Tanya screamed, "Jack, if we're late, we are BREAKING UP!"

"But I made you the balloon thing," Jack said, "Or, as I call it, the future plot device."

"That's not good enough anymore," Tanya said, "And I have no clue how it's going to help the plot, just like Chickenhound's stupid chain."

* * *

"We need those flowers on that table... no, not THAT table!" Mangiz instructed. Some members of Cluny's and Slagar's horde were helping to get the wedding set up. They were in a large room with all of the Sleeping Beauty stuff removed so they could have benches for the guests to sit on and tables with food. Mangiz's theme, Think Pink, called for the whole room to be repainted.

"Won't the Disneyland workers get mad?" Killconey asked.

"Not if we don't tell 'em," Mangiz answered.

"But wouldn't they think that it was us since they allowed us to be here?" the ferret continued.

"They didn't 'allow' us like you say it..." Mangiz said, "But I'm sure that-"

"You mean we weren't permitted to get rid of the Sleeping Beauty stuff or paint the walls pink?" Darkclaw interrupted.

"I guess not, but so what? We'll put it back," Mangiz replied.

"...I love Sleeping Beauty..." Darkclaw said.

"_You?_" Mangiz asked.

"I _love_ Sleeping Beauty," Darkclaw repeated, but in a more sinister voice.

"I'm gonna leave now," Mangiz said, and flew up to perch on the wedding arch, out of the reach of Darkclaw. "Where is the bride and groom?" He asked.

"I'M HERE!!!" Elisha screamed. She came in dragging Chickenhound behind her, followed by Nightshade and Todd. Lauren had dragged Shang and Mulan in some other direction.

"Where do you want me to put the wedding cake?" Badrag asked, walking up with a huge, towering cake.

"Badrang?" Nightshade asked, looking at the stoat, "Is that you?"

"No, I'm- WOAH!" Badrag tripped and the cake flew into the air. It seemed to pause up there for a moment, to build suspense, before it came crashing down. Badrag grabbed a large plate off of a table, did a flip, and slide on the ground with the plate in front of him so that the cake landed on it. He caught it in the nick of time. It was Badrag's awesome ninja moment.

"YOU SAVED IT!" Elisha shrieked, "THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Wait... where is the bride and groom on top of the cake?"

Badrag got to his feet (once again, paws?) and put the cake back on the table. He looked down to see that he crushed the figures of the bride and groom that go on top of the cake when he slid on the ground.

"They must have fallen off when the cake flew," he said.

"YOU IDIOT!" Elisha sobbed, "WHAT CAN WE DO WITHOUT THE FIGURINES?!?! YOU RUINED THE WHOLE WEDDING!"

"Don't worry!" Mangiz said desperately as he flew down from the wedding arch, "We'll find more... Vitch! Go find a replacement!"

"Why should I?" Vitch asked.

"Because Elisha will kill us all if you don't. Hurry!" Mangiz said.

Vitch hurried off to find a replacement bride and groom.

"You might want to get changed," Mangiz turned to face Elisha and Chickenhound, "We're almost ready to start."

"Okay!" Elisha said, "You got all of the band, right?"

"I told you," Mangiz sighed, "Only two of the Beatles are still alive. And they refused to play."

"Did you get the backup band?" Elisha asked.

"Yep. They're getting ready right now."

"Who's the band?" Chickenhound asked.

"Shhh. It's a surprise," Elisha whispered.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I SAY IT'S A SURPRISE!!!"

"Hey!" Lilly shouted. She, Tanya, and Lauren ran into the room.

"You have to see the wedding dress we picked out for you!" Tanya said.

"IT'S SO CUTE!" Lauren added, "Oh, and did I mention I'm an honorary ninja?"

"I'm a ninja too!" Badrag announced.

"Who are you?" Lauren asked.

"Badrag the stoat."

"BADRANG?!?!?!" Lauren screamed, "I'LL KILL YOU!"

She charged at him and tackled him onto an empty table.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!" Badrag shrieked.

"YOU ARE NOT A NINJA!!!" Lauren hollered, pinning him to the table, "I WILL KILL YOU, BADRANG!"

"I'M NOT BADRANG!!!" Badrag screamed.

Meanwhile, Elisha, Lilly, and Tanya left calmly to go see the wedding dress.

* * *

"So what's this meeting about?" Breeze asked.

"Well, have you heard that the Redwall characters are in Home Base?" Thumper asked.

"Really?" Breeze asked with mock surprise.

"Yeah. They made it easy," Thumper said.

"Easy for what?"

"I'm not sure," Thumper admitted, "They haven't told me."

"Who are _they_?" Breeze asked.

Thumper looked at her strangely. "Mickey Mouse and his crew, of course."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Breeze sighed.

"Anyway, the meeting's in here," Thumper opened a door. They walked inside to see a normal hotel room, except with a long table in it.

"Sorry I'm late," Thumper said, "Is it okay that I brought a woodland creature from Sleeping Beauty."

"Whatever," said Winnie the Pooh, "It looks like we're all here except for Mickey."

"Sorry I'm late!" Mickey burst through the bathroom door wearing only underpants, "I forgot this meeting was in my room."

He forgot the fact that he wasn't wearing pants and sat at the end of the table.

"Now then," he continued, "The Redwallers are in our base. It's just so easy now. All we havess to do is attack."

"That's the easy part," said a duck sitting next to him, "But we should wait until the right moment."

"That's true, Donald," Mickey said.

"What about the adders?" Prince Eric asked, "They deserted us."

"Not necessarily," Mickey replied, "Zassaliss and his siblings are still usable. Asmodeus and Baliss are the ones who deserted us."

"They did more than that," Donald said, "They turned on us. I heard that Baliss almost bit Cinderella.

"Um," Breeze asked, "I came here late, so could you please tell me what we're planning to do to the Redwallers."

Mickey glared at her distrustingly then said, "Nothing you should be worried about."

"But why are we doing it?" Breeze asked.

"They attacked me," Mickey answered.

"That's it?"

"They might threaten our survival," Mickey sighed, "I mean, Redwall isn't Disney. It has to stay away from Disneyland. Which is why we're not kidnapping any more of them."

He turned to glare at Philip and Eric.

"The vole got away!" Eric insisted.

Philip turned toward Breeze.

"Did you say you were from Sleeping Beauty?"

Breeze gulped. "Yeah."

"I don't recognize you as one of the woodland creatures."

Everyone was watching Breeze.

"Maybe you didn't look close enough!" Thumper defended her.

"I, uh," Breeze said. She decided that this was already awkward enough without her adding anything. She sprinted toward the door and down the hall.

"Shouldn't we go after her? She knows our plans," Donald said.

"Nah," Mickey answered.

"Why not?"

"This chair is comfy."

"Oh."

* * *

"Here's your dress!" Lilly said.

It was neon yellow with pink polka dots and a bright lime green edge on the sleeves and bottom. There were designs of flowers scattered around it. The veil was a bright sky blue color.

"IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" Elisha shrieked. She grabbed it and ran into a random room to change. When she was done, they went back to where the wedding was going to take place.

"Who is going to be the priest?" Tanya asked.

"We couldn't find an actual priest," Elisha said, "But our band teacher, Mr. A, agreed to do it!"

"Is he licensed to wed?" Tanya asked.

"Duh! Here's a copy of his license!" She held it out for them to read.

"This says 'license to kill'," Lilly said.

* * *

"Oh," Elisha reread it, "Oh, well. Same thing. Either way, we're going to be married!"

"Here you go," Vitch gave Mangiz the new figurine to put on top of the cake, "I got a new one."

It was a plastic pig and a plastic wolf taped together.

"What's with the pig?" Mangiz asked.

"That's Elisha," Vitch answered, "I couldn't find a bride..."

* * *

"How nice..."

Later, Elisha was holding her bouquet of flowers. Suddenly, she screamed.

"What is it?!?!" Mangiz asked.

"THERE ARE THIRTEEN FLOWERS HERE! THAT'S BAD LUCK! MY MARRIAGE IS CURSED!" She sobbed.

"It's okay!" Mangiz said desperately, "I have a backup bouquet!"

He took the bouquet, turned around, and took a flower out and threw it under the table. He gave it back.

"This is the same bouquet," Elisha cried.

"No it's not, count the flowers!" Mangiz said.

"It's too late, I held it. My wedding is ruined! Let's just call the whole thing off," Elisha sobbed.

"It's just a dumb superstition!" Mangiz growled, "You are walking down that aisle!"

"I'll try..." Elisha said, "But this marriage isn't going to work... IT'S A BAD OMEN!"

"Try and see," Mangiz said, "I worked hard on this wedding. It's not yours any more, it's mine. And I don't want you to ruin my special day!"

He ran away sobbing.

* * *

The big group of Redwallers walked into the Sleeping Beauty castle. The wedding was beginning!

They waled through the Sleeping Beauty castle, but when they got to the ceremony, Cluny was nowhere to be found. In the distance, you could hear someone screaming "IT'S CLUNY'S CASTLE!!! I'M BACK!!!".

Mr. A, the band teacher, was getting ready to start the ceremony. Chickenhound stood there in a tuxedo nervously. The guests either wore pink dresses or red suits (or in some cases, both). The bride's side didn't have as many as Chickenhound's. The band came into the room. It was Green Day, and for the ceremony, they played an instrumental version of 21 Guns.

Grissoul was the flower girl. She threw flowers into people's faces and eventual threw her basket at Elisha's cousin, hitting her right in the face.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man... er... fox?" Mr. A asked.

"I do," Elisha's father said.

"GET ON WITH IT!" Elisha screamed, "I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!"

"Do you, Elisha Thinzone, take, Chickenhound Bluegrass Freeman Oldham Austin Fabio Bobson, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I do," Elisha said dreamily.

"And do you, Chickenhound Bluegrass Freeman Oldham Austin Fabio Bobson, take Elisha Thinzone, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

Chickenhound gulped. He glanced around the room. It was silent. He glanced at Nightshade, who was silently telling him to say it.

"I do," he said nervously.

"If there is anyone here who objects to these to be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Nobody said anything.

"I now pronounce you fox and psycho. You may now kiss the-"

Suddenly, Mr. A was sucked into a plothole. An arctic fox jumped out of it.

"I OBJECT!" She yelled.

The crowd was silent. Elisha gasped.

"HOW DARE YOU!" She screamed, "AND WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY?"

"My name is ce," the arctic fox said.

"Ice? Arctic fox?" Elisha asked, "I didn't see that coming."

"Shut up," Ice said, "Anyway, I don't think it's right that Slagar should have to marry someone who he's only known for a day! I doubt he's in love!"

"HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME!" Elisha insisted.

"I'm not Slagar," Chickenhound said.

"This isn't a Disney movie!" Ice continued, "In fact, Disney is the enemy here."

"I've heard enough!" Elisha yelled, "Someone get her out of here!"

Ice jumped and shoved the mask onto Chickenhound, making him Slagar, and then tackled Elisha to the ground in the same movement.

"Woah! She's a NINJA!!!" Lauren screamed.

"Guards!" Mangiz called out.

Scragg and Vitch grabbed Ice by the arms and dragged her out of the room.

"RUN AWAY, SLAGAR!" She yelled.

"What's going on?" Slagar asked.

"We have to kiss so we'll be married!" Elisha said.

"We're not engaged," said Slagar.

"CHICKENHOUND!" Elisha yelled, "HOW DARE YOU?!?!"

"I'm not Chickenhound!!!" Slagar yelled back.

Elisha pulled the mask off of him and kissed him. As she did so, Mr. A climbed out of the plothole.

"Congratulations," he said, "Wow... you were one of my best clarinet players in middle school. And now you're a married woman. They grow up so fast!" He started crying.

"W-what just happened?" Chickenhound asked.

"We're married!!!" Elisha screamed excitedly.

"But-"

"LET'S CUT THE CAKE!" Elisha ran to the wedding cake.

Suddenly, Nightshade fell on the ground. The creatures in the audience were concerned... until they got their slices of cake. Five minutes later, Nightshade jumped to her feet (for the third time, paws?).

"I HAVE HAD A VISION!!!" Nightshade announced.

Nobeast looked up from their cake. Not even the author did.

"This wedding with cause a very bad event in the future!" Nightshade announced.

"I had a vision too," the younger Grissoul said, "The world would be destroyed by-"

"This is more important because it involves US!" Nightshade said.

"Uh, okay."

"Elisha's marriage will cause our misery," Nightshade said, "And... something even worse."

"What?" Grissoul asked.

"A-"

Nightshade suddenly disappeared.

"DON'T SPOIL SURPRISES!" The author scolded, "That's the last time I have a bunch of seers in my story."

"Where is she?" Sela asked.

"Don't worry, she'll come back in the climax," the author said.

"Wait... there's going to be a_ climax_ to this story?!?!" Sela asked.

"Yeah, something wrong with that?" The author asked.

"It's just that... it seemed like a big string of subplots."

"The Disney characters trying to kill you is a subplot?!?!"

"Kinda..."

"Just for that, I'm making something bad happen, and it's your fault," the author warned.

"We're used to that," Matthias said, who was walking by at the time.

"Really?" The author asked.

"Yeah, like actually being _in _this story," Matthias said.

* * *

"I told you we took a wrong turn," Veil said.

"I KNOW WHERE THE LAKE IS!" Swartt insisted.

"Then why are we still in Disneyland?"

"We're taking the scenic route, okay?"

"It's not all that scenic."

"Shut up."

"Do you even know where we are?" Veil looked around, "I don't recognize this part of Disneyland."

"Yeah, this is definitely Critter Country," Swartt said.

"Then where are the trees and animals?"

"Again, shut up."

They were wandering through Disneyland on their way to Swartt's imaginary lake.

"IT'S NOT IMAGINARY!" Swartt insisted.

"Shhh!" Veil growled, "Shut up. I hear hissing."

"I'm supposed to be the experienced one that hears things like hissing! I'm the parent!" Swartt said.

"I hear some of the adders!" Veil said and dove behind a bush.

Swartt panicked and looked around. Baliss was coming in their direction. He shrieked and jumped into a trash can. He jumped into it too hard and made it crash onto it's side. Unfortunately, it was a round trash can. Also unfortunately, they were at the top of a hill. He began to roll down, gaining speed, until he zoomed past the adder and down a straight path.

The adder shook his head and continued slithering. He stopped by the bush.

"I know you're in there," Baliss said, "I heard you giggling."

"I am not a Redwall character," Veil said, "I'm, uh, a bush fairy."

"I've never heard of a bush fairy," Baliss said.

"We're kinda shy," Veil said, "So please go away."

"I thought fairies were polite," Baliss said.

"I'm actually a pixie," Veil said.

"...PIXIES AREN'T REAL!!!" Baliss roared.

Veil sprinted away.

* * *

Meanwhile, Swartt in the trash can was still rolling. His head was in the can, so he couldn't see where he was going.

_This is kinda fun, _He thought, _It's like a roller coaster. Of course, if I hit a bump the wrong way, I might die. That just ruined the moment..._

* * *

Suddenly, the trash can was airborne! He screamed as he felt it fall, and he couldn't see what was going on. He curled up inside the metal can and hoped for the best.

Breeze crouched by a statue of a man holding Mickey's hand. It was the largest object within running distance that she could find. She was hiding from the Disney characters. Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder (more like a paw on her shoulder). She squeaked but realized it was Thumper.

"I'm sorry," Breeze said, "I lied to you."

"About what?" Thumper asked.

"That I'm a- wait, you don't know?"

"Nope."

"I'm really from Snow White," Breeze lied, "Not Sleeping Beauty."

"Oh," Thumper said, "That's probably why Eric didn't recognize you."

After an awkward silence, Breeze asked, "Who is the man holding Mickey's hand?"

"That's our lord and creator Walt Disney," Thumper explained, "He made the Disney company to start with."

"Oh," Breeze said, "Of course."

"This is a not-so-subtle hint to a future event," the author murmured.

Swartt crawled out of the beat up trash can. It was dented beyond repair. He looked around. He seemed to be in yet another underground cavern, but this one seemed different.

"Where am I?" he asked, "How did I get here?"

"The trash can fell through a plot hole," the author explained.

Swartt began to explore the dark cavern. He tripped over a very large object. He got up to see there was a piece of paper on it. Somehow he could read in the darkness suddenly. It read:

_Who says that I am dead knows nought at all-_

_ Hey... wait a minute... sorry wrong story. I didn't mean to get you excited for a prophecy or anything that could help you through the plot. Well, good luck!_

Swartt sighed and sat down on the large object. Then he realized he should find out what the large object actually _is_. But THAT took a lot of thinking.

_Is Chickenhound really doomed to marry the fangirl, or will Ice save him? What is the large object? Where the heck is Veil running to? What about the ominous fortune that Nightshade foretold?What does the golden chain and the balloon thing have to do with anything? Haha I know the answer to these questions and you don't nah nah nah nah!_


	18. Elephants, Catnip, and Yellow Submarines

_A funny thing happened to me these past few weeks. I was busy, working on school stuff, when one day a weird feeling came upon me. I had forgotten about this state of mind that I used to have all the time. I recalled the name to be "free time". Anyway, sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I promise I have more time now for this thing. See, my dad has had to work at home for a while, but that's over soon. In fact, I'm planning a much bigger project, involving this story. _

_ All of the Characters: NOOOOOOOOO!_

_ Ahem. Anyway, let's get to the feature presentation._

_

* * *

  
_

"Why did it end there?" Matthias asked.

"What do you mean?" the author asked.

"I mean, Swartt was just about to see what the large object is," Matthias said.

"It's called putting a cliffhanger in an annoying place," the author concluded.

"Oh."

"Moving on," the author said, "We're now at the reception for Elisha and Chickenhound."

"Where is it?" Matthias asked.

"STOP ASKING QUESTIONS! I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR PRIVLEGE TO TALK _AGAIN!_" The author yelled, "Ahem. Anyway, it's at Captain Kidd's- uh, I mean, Captain Clogg's."

"EWWW!" All of the Redwallers cried.

"YAAAAY!" The fanpeople cheered.

They were served food-like substances again. Jodd made a run for the door, but was stopped when he crashed into a table and was knocked unconscious. Rollo threw some substance, which was meant to be spaghetti, at the wall. It stuck there like glue.

"I have a question," Matthias said.

"WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!?!" The author growled.

"When is this story going to end?" He asked.

"Do you _want_ it to end?"

"It's not an enjoyable experience for me. I just wanted to take my family on vacation to Hawaii!"

"...That can be arranged," the author said menacingly.

Matthias backed away.

Suddenly, a giant adder crashed through the wall. It was Asmodeus.

"HEY!" The restaurant's owner yelled, "YOU CAN WAIT YOUR TURN TO BE SEATED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!"

"Sssorry, but thisss isss important," Asmodeus hissed.

"So important that you couldn't use the front door?" The owner growled.

"I'm a giant adder. I couldn't fit through."

"Have you ever considered going on a diet?"

"SSSHUT UP! I'm trying to tell the Redwallersss sssomething that will move the plot along."

"THERE IS NO PLOT!" The author yelled, "It was originally supposed to be a string of subplots! I guess the Disney characters thing counts as a plot though..."

Suddenly, Duchess ran inside the building through the hole that Asmodeus created.

"YOU PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES WITH DOORS!" The owner screeched.

Duchess ignored him and said, "The Disney characters have gathered their army together and are looking for you. Yeah, it's actually pretty funny how much they outnumber you five to one."

"Why aren't you with them?" Cornflower asked.

"Because they took my kittens, remember? Besides, if I fight, I might get my hair ruffled. And I have to keep my reputation about the only good looking cat in this story."

"You're going to have to worry about a lot more than ruffled fur!" Tsarmina hissed, unsheathing her claws. Badrang had to hold her back.

"What were you trying to tell us, Asmodeus?" Dotti asked.

"I wasss about to sssay that the Disney charactersss were looking for you, but ssshe beat me..."

"GUYS!" Simba and Pocahontas ran throgh the open hole, "THE DISNEY CHARACTERS GATHERED AN ARMY AND-"

"WE GET IT!" Martin yelled, "C'mon guys, let's go fight back!"

"There are, like, three warriors here," Cornflower said, "Well, there's also Sunflash. And Constance appears randomly but never seems to stay..."

"Nope," Constance said, walking by.

"Hey!" Cluny said, "Warlords can fight too!"

"Dude," Matthias said, "You were crushed by a bell."

"And Slagar fell down a well," Sela added, "How much wimpier can you get?"  
"HEY!" Slagar yelled. He took the mask off.

"It's true, Slagar," Chickenhound said.

"Oh, stop it!" Elisha growled to her new husband, "That stupid mask is going to be burned, if you keep this up."

NOOOOOOOOO!" Chickenhound cuddled the mask, "IT'S SLAGAR!!!!!"

"Let's find a place to hide!" Rose said.

"SIMBA!!!!!" Hector suddenly screamed without prior warning and tackled Simba. Before Simba could do anything, Hector turned around and grabbed Duchess and started hugging her very tightly.

"I LOVE YOU DUCHESS!!!!!!!!" He screamed at a very high pitch.

"HELP! HELP ME! HEEELLLP!" Duchess yowled.

No one turned to help, because they were already leaving the building on their way to find a hiding spot. Only Tsarmina turned to see it. She laughed.

"This is what I've been dealing with for a long time," Tsarmina said.

"HELP!" Duchess yowled.

Tsarmina made no motion to do so. Then Hector saw her.

"KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He shrieked and tackled her, releasing Duchess.

Duchess sighed in relief and ran for the hole in the wall.

"HELP!!!" It was Tsarmina's turn to scream.

Duchess giggled and was about to jump out of the building when Hector gabbed her too.

"LET'S PLAY, KITTIES!" He squealed, "WE'LL NEED YARN AND CAT NIP!!!"

"I don't like cat nip," Duchess mewed, "It tastes disgusting and is just for drunk alley cats."

"Is that your main concern right now?" Tsarmina asked, "That you won't be all 'classy'?"

"Yeah, why?" Duchess asked, "It's very important to us noble types."

"I'M A QUEEN, YOU REALIZE!" Tsarmina yelled.

* * *

Swartt cautiously approached the large object. He grabbed a random torch that happened to be burning on the wall. This was possible because in the Redwall TV series, somebody found a torch burning in an abandoned hall, so Swartt decided he could too. He looked at it in the firelight, but couldn't read the words that seemed to have once been engraved on it. It also seemed as if it could be opened. He opened it slowly, freaking out that the creaking echoed through the room. He peered inside and screamed.

"LET ME OUT!" He shrieked, "WHERE'S THE PLOT HOLE?!?!"

He slammed it shut and ran around in circles screaming his head off.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Matthias asked.

"Maybe we should split up..." Cornflower suggested.

"SPLIT UP?!?! NO, CORNFLOWER! WE CAN FIX THIS MARRIAGE!" Matthias shrieked.

"I didn't mean _split up_. I meant-"

"You feel trapped, don't you?" Matthias accused, "You feel like the walls of Redwall are confining you to our marriage, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Fine, you want out? Then go! Before I met you I had friends, and dreams, and could buy all the beef jerky I wanted!"

"What are you two talking about?" Lauren asked.

"I'M OUT OF HERE!!!" Matthias yelled and stormed away.

"I don't know what's gotten into him," Cornflower sighed, "I guess too much beef jerky last night."

"When _was _last night?" Stryk asked the author, "It seems to have been only a day, but we've been wandering around for a good week's worth of time since last night."

"Shut _up_," the author grunted.

"Where'd Dad go?" Mattimeo asked.

"HE WENT TO OZARNIA!" Rick yelled.

"...What on Earth is Ozarnia?" Cornflower asked.

"OZARNIA! You know, the magical land between Oz and Narnia, where unicorns can fly and people sing and dance and eat all of the peanut butter cupcakes they want and-"

_BAM!_ Rick was knocked unconscious by Constance.

"Thank you, Constance," Cornflower said, "I'm going to go look for my husband. Everyone else should find somewhere to hide."

"We're waaaaay ahead of you," the rest of the group called from far away. They got bored of the conversation and left without them.

"What about Rick?" Cornflower asked them, "You can't just leave him lying here!"

There was no reply.

"I'll take him there," Constance offered. She grabbed Rick and slung him over one shoulder.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Elisha said, "Come with me! I know where we can hide!"

Veil had nowhere to run. He did not have any idea if Baliss was still behind him or not, but he decided not to take any chances. But he saw no hiding place... none, except for what looked like the entrance to a ride. It was his only chance! But he read the sign... it was A Small World... he decided he'd prefer to face the adder than go on that again.

He kept running. He heard the adder slithering not to far behind him. He was out of breath and tired- maybe cutting gym class in the Abbey school wasn't such a good idea... Then he saw a river with a boat! It was an escape!

He did not stop to read signs or anything. He jumped the fence and jumped into the boat. Unfortunately, he did not see any way to control the boat, having no prior experience with boats.. He got out and kicked it in frustration, which sent it floating down the river.

"Come back!" He yelled to it, and tried to swim for it. He got in quickly, afraid of water ever since the Pirates of the Caribbean incident.

Soon he was riding the Jungle Cruise, even though he didn't have the tour guide. When he saw the animatronic elephants, he screamed. He had never seen anything bigger than a badger before, except for the adders. From his experience with large creatures, he decided that the smaller, the better.

He was so frightened, he fell backwards, tipping the boat over onto him. He flailed around pathetically until he realized the boat was not crushing him. He swam out from underneath it, saw the elephant again, yelped, and swam back to the safety of under the overturned boat.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good hiding place?" Ironbeak asked.

"Yeah," Elisha said, "It's a brilliant idea, right? We can just go in there, sit down, and forget our worries."

"This isn't going to work," Simba said.

"YES IT WILL BECAUSE I SAID IT WILL!!!" Elisha yelled.

They were standing outside of the Finding Nemo submarines.

"IT'S ON A RAIL!" Simba yelled.

"They'll never think to look underwater!" Elisha declared.

"But-" Simba started to protest.

"NO TIME!" Elisha yelled rather loudly, "AND BE QUIET, THEY MIGHT HEAR US! HURRY, LET'S GET INSIDE!"

Everyone ran inside of a submarine. Cluny volunteered to be the pilot. The rest of them tied him up in the back of it, no longer trusting him after the plane crash. The submarine was moving by itself. They ignored the Finding Nemo show that was happening outside of the windows because they were worried about dying, which seems to occupy your mind sometimes. Baby Rollo and Clogg, however, weren't so worried. Clogg was drunk (when isn't he?) and singing. Rollo was singing along. Sadly, Clogg has never been a good singer, and Rollo was a bit young.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!" Clogg shouted rather loudly.

"Yellow submarine! Yellow submarine!" Rollo echoed.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!"

"Yellow submarine! Yellow submarine!"

"As appropriate as this song is for this occasion," Warthorn said, "SHUT UP!"

"Is there something _wrong _with the Beatles?" Clogg growled.

Before Warthorn replied, Sela interrupted them. "Speaking of bands," she said, "What happened to Green Day?"

"Last I saw them, they were running away from Zassaliss and his siblings," Elisha answered.

"Oh, great," Sela sighed, "So what are we supposed to do on this dumb submarine? You do realize that we can barely stand each other, right?"

"MOVE OVER!" Jodd yelled at Basil, "I HAVE NO ROOM!"

"NEITHER DO I," Basil yelled back, "STOP SHOVING!"

The small seats were very crowded for the Redwallers.

Suddenly, the submarine began to rock. It then began to fall through the water, which wasn't very deep, but the impact still knocked a few creatures off their feet. Unfortunately, they were at the top of a dip, and the submarine began to tumble downhill.

"W-what's going on?!?!" Dotti screamed.

"Someone cut the rail!" Pocahontas yelled.

The submarine rested at the bottom of the pool of the ride. Unfortunately, they landed upside-down.

"So... we're basically trapped in here?" Dotti asked, trying to get out of the mass of creatures.

"Looks like it," Bluefen sighed.

"Guys," Sela gasped, "I think one of the doomwytes died from the fall."

No one really cared, except for the remaining doomwytes.

"Which one?" Murig asked.

Korvus Skurr flew over to look.

"It's not a doomwyte, idiot," Kovus said, "It's a crow. It's-"

"IT'S NOT MANGIZ, IS IT?!?!" Mangiz screeched.

"No, it's Veeku," Korvus finished.

"Oh, he was in this story?" Purz asked.

"For about three seconds," Korvus said.

"He wasn't needed for the plot," the author shrugged.

"This means only one more character is going to die!" Orlando yelled.

Everybeast stared at him. They all forgot he was there.

"Is anyone else concerned that we are in an upside-down submarine at the bottom of a pool?" Murig asked, "And the only means of escape is the hatch at the top- which is buried in the ground."

"That is a bit inconvenient," Rick agreed.

"Why did we come with them, Jack?" Tanya asked her boyfriend.

"Because we're associated with them and didn't want to be killed by angry Disney characters," Jack answered.

"That's no excuse," Tanya growled, "Find a way out of here or we're breaking up!!!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

"O-okay," Jack backed away.

"We could break the windows and swim for it," Warthorn suggested.

"Of course you'd suggest that, considering you're an _otter_," a voice said.

They looked around. Where did_ that_ come from?

"Hi guys!" Lady Amber emerged from the shadows.

"AHHH!" Everybeast screamed. They forgot all about her.

"We thought you were kidnapped by the Disney characters!" Warthorn exclaimed.

"No, silly," Amber giggled, "Remember? I suddenly disappeared right next to you? I fell through a plot hole, duh!"

"There seems to be a lot lately," the author sighed.

"They're like portals. I teleported in here and was trapped..." Lady Amber continued, "Sorry if you thought I was kidnapped by the Disney characters. Oh, I also found this."

She held out a weird piece of paper. Before anyone else could read it, the Doom Bunny grabbed it and hid in the corner of the submarine.

"What are you doing?" Lady Amber asked him.

The Doom Bunny was reading it intently. He protected it from anyone who tried to take it away. When he finished reading it, he stuffed it in his mouth and ate it.

"Okay,_ what _was that?" Skarlath asked.

"It was the author's notes on the plot," Lady Amber said, "I didn't read it yet though... What did it say, Doom Bunny?"

"DOOOOOOM!" The Doom Bunny hollered, "DEATH TO US ALL!"

"What is the author planning?" Rose asked.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!"

"This is going nowhere," Martin sighed, "Let me handle it."

He grabbed for his sword, but noticed it was missing.

"MATTHIAS!" He yelled.

"What?" Matthias asked.

"You took my sword again, didn't you?" Martin growled, "GIVE IT BACK!"

"I don't have it!" Matthias insisted.

Martin tackled him. While they were wrestling, everyone else questioned the Doom Bunny.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!" The Doom Bunny screamed.

"That's exactly right," the author smiled.

Suddenly, something swam by the window. Everybeast froze. Another figure swam by on the other side. Something was outside the overturned submarine.

* * *

"Hector," Lauren said, "You know we're friends, and I respect you, right?"

"Yeah," Hector answered.

"Would you mind if I ask why Tsarmina and Duchess are tied with yarn to two chairs stuck together and there is catnip sprinkled all around the room?"

Lauren was still running around with General Shang and Mulan, and dragged them into Hector's hotel room, where Tsarmina and Duchess were being held captive.

"Because I like kitties," Hector answered.

"HELP!" Duchess yowled.

"Nah, Mulan and I are going to shop for kimonos," Lauren said.

"Kimonos are Japanese though," Tsarmina said, "And Mulan is from China."

"Not in Disney!" Lauren insisted, "C'mon Mulan!"

She had chained Mulan and Shang to both of her wrists. When they left, Hector turned back to the cats.

"Which one of you has a cuter purr?" He asked.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang.

"I have to take this call," he said. He left the room to talk to whoever actually _wanted_ to have a conversation with him.

"We have to escape this," Tsarmina whispered, "We might have to work together for this."

"Yeah right," Duchess hissed, "I've always seen stuff like this in movies and books happen where two characters have to work together. It's not gonna work, okay?"

"Fine," Tsarmina said, "I'll just save myself then."

She held a knife in her tail. When Lauren was in the room, she stole it from her sock.

"Uh, can we have a truce?" Duchess asked.

"Maybe," Tsarmina answered. She used her tail to cut the yarn that was binding them.

"Okay, now what?" Duchess asked, "Hector's outside the door."

Tsarmina looked around. "The window!" She exclaimed.

"Yes," Duchess sighed, "That is, in fact, a window."

Tsarmina ignored her and ran over to it. They were on the twentieth story of course...

"There's a ledge we can climb on," Tsarmina said.

"Uh, queens first," Duchess mewed.

Tsarmina was very close to pushing the aristocat out the window, but restrained herself.

"Whatever," Tsarmina sighed. She made a movement toward the open window, but then stopped and in one motion pushed Duchess out onto the ledge.  
"HEY!" Duchess screamed as she scrambled to get a hold on the ledge. Tsarmina had pushed too hard, almost making Duchess fall out completely. Tsarmina made no effort to help Duchess as she regained her balance on the ledge.

"Come on, he sounds like he's almost done with his phone call!" Tsarmina hissed.

"I'LL GO WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY!" Duchess hissed back, her back against the wall, staring horrified at the ground below.

"MOVE!" Tsarmina yowled, stepping out onto the ledge. The door to the room was opening.

She began to edge along the ledge away from the window. She saw Hector coming toward them. He was about to pull both cats back into the room when Tsarmina decided to do something totally insane.

She grabbed Duchess (who was still whimpering and cowering on the ledge) and jumped off the ledge, down to the street twenty stories below.

Anything was better then being trapped with Hector.

* * *

"It's not very nice to end it there," Tsarmina told the author.

"Shut up," the author said, "It's Veil's scene now."

Meanwhile, Veil was hiding under the boat of the jungle cruise. He cautiously peeked out from under it. The elephant was still there. He didn't realize it was fake, but remember who this is.

He decided to make a mad dash for the opposite bank across the river. He took a deep breath and swam as fast as he could, splashing wildly and finally scrambling onto the dry ground. He tripped and fell flat on his face into a puddle of mud.

"Blah, this is just like my senior prom," Veil grumbled. He got up and wiped the mud out of his face. When he saw what was standing in from of him, he panicked and jumped back into the mud. He was dragged out by the baby elephant that he saw.

He dared to glance back at the elephant. It was small, with freakishly huge ears.

"Um, hello... you don't look very scary, at least," Veil said.

The elephant stared at him blankly.

"I'm Veil," Veil continued, "What's your name?"

The elephant continued to stare blankly.

"Uh, so what are you doing here?"

Blank stare.

"I'm gonna go now..." Veil said, beginning to walk away.

"Yo dude, it ain't my fault that I didn't get no speakin' part in the movie," the elephant said.

"Oh, you can talk," Veil said, "Well, I'm sorta lost."

"Mah name's Jumbo, homez, but mah peeps call me Dumbo-Dizzle-Fazizzle-Mahizzle. Dumbo, for short. Whaz up?"

"Um, okay," Veil said, "Can you just tell me where-"

"What are you, homie? Some kinda talkin' weasel or somethin'?" Dumbo asked.

"I'M A FERRET!" Veil growled, "And I'm lost, so please tell me how-"

"There ain't no difference, homez," Dumbo interrupted.

"JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS STUPID JUNGLE!" Veil yelled.

"No need to shout, homie," Dumbo said, "So what's yo name?"

"I already told you, it's Veil," Veil sighed.

"Veil-Rizzle-McIzzle-Vizzle. I like it," Dumbo said, "Oh, and the exit's right over there, homez, yo standing right in front of it."

It was true; the exit gate was right in front of them.

"Uh, I knew that," Veil said, "Thanks, I think. I gotta go."

"Yo joinin' that battle, right?" Dumbo asked, "I'm too busy to do it, it sucks don't it, homie? Well, you 'ave fun. Hey, mind if I come with you, just to watch the fight?"

"I thought you said you were busy," Veil said.

"Shuddup, I says what I mean and I mean what I says," Dumbo said, "C'mon, let's just go, homie."

"PLEASE stop talking like that," Veil begged.

* * *

_Yeah, they're still a lot of stuff unanswered. Don't worry, it'll all make sense eventually. Hopefully. Nothing makes sense in this story. Also, the next chapter is almost finished, so expect to see it up soon! That's when Ice's plan will come into action... Be afraid, Elisha, be very afraid._


	19. The Ultimate Showdown: Redwall vs Disney

_Sorry it took, like, _forever _to update. No worries, I'm still alive. This chapter has two... ahem... guest stars in it._

"There's something out there," Cornflower whispered.

The group huddled in the middle of the sunken submarine, watching shadowy figures swim across the windows.

"Wait, can they physically swim _across _the windows?" Martin asked.

"Shut up, dude," The author sighed.

Suddenly, the submarine began to slowly rise. Rick ran over an hugged Jodd and Basil.

"SAVE ME!" He screamed.

The creatures fell backward as the submarine rocked when it surfaced. The hatch on top slowly began to turn...

"CLOSE IT, YOU IDIOTS!" Matthias yelled, running over to it. He, Sunflash and Martin grabbed onto the wheel that turned the hatch to open it, trying to keep it shut.

"I have an idea," Zaran said, "How about we open the windows, which are still underwater, and the otters escape while the rest of you drown?"

"Yeah, that's not the best idea ever," Korvus said, backing into the corner. He was drowned in a river by the very same otter.

"Well, I don't want to die," Mattimeo said, "Maybe the shadowy figures are friendly and trying to share their kettle corn with us."

"You idiot, we should just get a machine gun and-" Cluny began to say.

"Guys," Lady Amber said, "The submarine controls!"

"They're probably not real," Warthorn said.

"They are if I SAY THEY ARE!" Lady Amber yelled. She ran over to where the pilot would have controlled a normal submarine. Because of the awesome powers of the Random Button from chapter one, she began to drive the submarine forward. It wasn't on a rail anymore, so she could drive it anywhere in the pool. They had plenty of food supplies if necessary- ten pounds of jellybeans.

"When did you learn how to drive a submarine?" Warthorn asked.

Lady Amber stared at him blankly. "Submarine school," she answered.

"But how-"

"DIVE DIVE DIVE!" Amber interrupted. The submarine made a sharp dive back underwater.

* * *

"NO! KITTIES!" Hector screeched as he watched Tsarmina and Duchess fall. In rage, he threw random objects at them, including his clarinet and a lamp.

"OW!" Duchess yowled, "Could someone please explain why I just got whacked in the head with a lamp?!"

"No time..." Tsarmina hissed, "Aren't you concerned that we're plummeting twenty stories down? We have to think of something!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUMPED OUT OF A TALL HOTEL BUILDING!" Duchess yelled.

There was a silence.

Tsarmina interrupted the silence after a moment. "How long have we been falling?"

"About a minute," Duchess mewed.

"Shouldn't we have splattered by now?" Tsarmina asked.

"Don't question the unlikeliness of these things," Duchess growled, "Not if it benefits you."

* * *

"What'cha doin' when this is all over, Veil-Rizzle-McIzzle-Vizzle?" Dumbo asked, leading the ferret to where the action was going on.

"What do you mean?" Veil asked.

"I mean, where ya gonna go?" Dumbo asked, "I hears that yo plane crashed and exploded or something awesome like that, homie."

"Adding the word homie to the end of your sentences doesn't make you sound cooler," Veil sighed, "And I don't know, we'll think of something."

"I got another question fo' ya, homes," Dumbo continued, "Weren't you a sissy mamma's boy in the beginnin' of this story?"

"I toughened up after the episode involving the Matterhorn and Frank," Veil answered, "It was rather relaxing, being trapped in a hole with no supplies and where nobody but a yeti with low self-esteem and an idiotic fox knew where you were. I also improved my singing!"

"You sing, you die," Dumbo warned, panicking.

"CAN'T READ MY, CAN'T READ MY

NO HE CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE!" Veil screamed at the top of his lungs, completely out of tune.

"STOP!" Dumbo begged.

"P-P-P-POKER FACE P-P-POKER FACE!" Veil continued.

Dumbo punched him in the face.

"I HATE THAT SONG, HOMIE!" Dumbo yelled.

Veil rubbed his nose, which might have been broken, and said, "So do I."

* * *

Back in the awesomely yellow submarine, there was trouble. Something from outside was trying to open the hatch. That would not be good, considering that they were underwater. The strong badgers Sunflash and Orlando struggled to keep the hatch in place. At the same time, the things outside were trying the open the windows. The warriors of the crowd managed to hold them tight, but were getting tired quickly.

"I DON'T WANT TO DROWN!" Lauren shrieked, "I HATE WATER! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!"

"Good job filling in for Tsarmina," Martin sighed.

"I thought you went shopping for kimonos with Mulan," Rose said to Lauren.

"I'M A NINJA, I CAN TELEPORT!" Lauren shouted loudly.

Rose moved a chair away.

"THE THINGS OUTSIDE ARE WEIGHING DOWN THE SUBMARINE!" Lady Amber yelled, "WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF FUEL!"

Everyone exchanged worried glances.

"AND THE OXYGEN METER IS READING AS LOW!" Amber continued.

There were a few scared whispers.

"_AND WE'RE OUT OF OUR SUPPLY OF JELLYBEANS,"_ Amber shrieked.

Everyone in the submarine screamed.

"Sorry..." Jodd and Basil apologized meekly, standing in front of the empty sack.

Suddenly, the two badgers holding the latch fainted.

"HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!" Rose asked.

"They wanted to eat jellybeans," Warthorn sighed, "Poor little dears."

Then, the hatch opened and water came rushing in. It wasn't long before it would fill the entire area.

"Swim for it!" Martin yelled. Nobeast was about to argue. Some opened the windows to the submarine and squeezed out. Lauren was having a spasm, so Martin had to carry her out, because he's too noble for his own good. Constance suddenly appeared and dragged both of the unconscious forms of Orlando and Sunflash out with ease. When they got out of the submarine into the pool of water, they saw merpeople surrounding them.

"That's not good," Zaran said, suddenly able to talk underwater because she's an otter and the author likes to mess with the laws of physics involving water.

"No it's not," Warthorn replied, "We're the only ones here who won't drown in the next thirty seconds."

Martin began to swim upward, but the merpeople cut him off.

"They're trying to drown us," Warthorn said, "You go distract them."

"Why should I be the one to do it?" Zaran asked.

"THERE IS NO TIME TO ARGUE!" Warthorn yelled.

"YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!" Zaran yelled back.

"FINE!" Warthorn gave in. Both otters plunged into the mob of merpeople and began attacking them. The surrounding merpeople tried to stop them, but the otters were too awesome to be stopped. They were quick, and lead the merpeople to attack each other accidentally, which led to bickering. In the confusion, the rest of the Redwallers and the fanpeople could swim upward and finally breathe. They swam to shore, and were soon joined by the otters.

"THAT WAS THE MERPEOPLE FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID!" Rick screamed, "I LOVE ARIEL!"

He dived back down into the water to join Ariel.

"Should we go save him?" Zaran asked.

"Nah, he'll come back eventually," Elisha answered.

"Well, that was too dramatic for my liking," Dotti said, cradling Baby Rollo.

Lauren was coming to her senses. "M-mulan," She whispered.

Then she jumped onto her feet. "MULAN! She screamed, "WHERE IS MULAN!?!?!"

Before she could run away, a bunch of Disney characters surrounded them.

"Here we go..." Mangiz sighed.

* * *

Swartt was rolling the large object down a path. It had wheels for some reason, and he decided it was a good weapon against the Disney characters. Before long, he lost control of it, sending it rolling downhill at high speed.

"LOOK OUT!" He called to Breeze, who happened to be walking by at the time. She gasped and stood there, frightened. Thumper ran in front of her and reached out toward the rolling object, stopping it before it could run her over.

"You're so strong!" Breeze exclaimed, throwing her arms around Thumper. Thumper returned the hug, taking his paws off of the object. Because they were still on a slope, it began rolling again, taking Thumper and Breeze with it. They jumped on top of it, unable to stop it or control it in any way, shape, or form.

Swartt panicked and ran off in the opposite direction.

* * *

"The ground is slowly getting closer," Duchess observed, "I think our dramatic fall that seems to last an hour is almost over."

Suddenly, time came back to normal, and they began to fall rapidly, gravity finally feeling appreciated.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Both cats screamed. The ground grew closer and closer until... they gently landed on their feet.

"_That _was anticlimactic," Duchess said.

"Cats always land on their feet," Tsarmina shrugged.

"Hey, if we're being realistic here, then you realize that cats can't shrug, right? They don't have collarbones," Duchess said.

"Shut up, Mrs. Technical," The author growled.

"Now that we're free from Hector," Duchess said, "I'm going to go get my kittens. I see an entrance to the underground tunnels in that bush over there."

"I've always wanted to have kittens," Tsarmina sighed, "But I was too busy stopping the rebels from destroying Kotir."

"You didn't do a good job of it," Duchess said, "You should have been peaceful and have had kittens with somebeast."

"I KNOW!" Tsarmina began to sob.

"C'mon, let's go find my kittens," Duchess walked toward the tunnel.

"I don't wanna do it with you," Tsarmina said through her tears, "You're annoying."

"Fine then, leave," Duchess said calmly.

Tsarmina was about to when they saw Hector running toward them.

"RUN!" Tsarmina hissed, and both cats bolted through the mouth of the tunnel.

"KITTIES!" Hector screamed, "YOU'RE ALIVE! I HAVE YOUR DRESSES READY FOR THE TEA PARTY!"

He jumped into the hole with them.

"I know where we are," Duchess said, "Follow me! They're are enough side tunnels to lose him."

They began to dash through the tunnels, weaving in and out and going in circles, trying to lose Hector. They were doing a good job, too, because it wasn't long before Hector disappeared.

"Can he get out by himself?" Tsarmina asked.

"I dunno," Duchess said, "I don't care."

"That's not very nice," the author commented sleepily, getting tired of this scene.

* * *

Swartt was still running until he tripped and fell into the rabbit hole. We won't go into details, but let's just say that he stalked a rabbit, discovered how a raven is like a writing desk (which involved Ironbeak), and accidentally got married to the Queen of Hearts, although neither of them remember it. What happens in Wonderland stays in Wonderland. Anyway, when he finally crawled out of the rabbit hole, he was holding a weird crystal. The Cheshire Cat said that Wonderland was being controlled by Disney and they wanted to stop it, so he handed Swartt the crystal. Because, in fantasy novels, there almost always seems to be a crystal or another magical artifact. In this case, the crystal was called the Magic Crystal of Magical Magicalness. Swartt, having no idea what was going on, decided to do what the Mad Hatter told him to do. Swartt didn't understand it then, but he was actually being the hero in this story, which is a nice change of pace from _Outcast of Redwall_.

"Hi Swartt," Matthias said, walking by, "My wife just left me."

"I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU, IDIOT!" Cornflower yelled running after him.

"Guys, this crystal is going to save us," Swartt said.

"That's stupid," Matthias sneered.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Swartt sobbed, "It has something magicalful about it."

"Magicalful isn't a word," Cornflower told him.

"Do I look like I care?" Swartt asked, "No. Anyway, here's what we have to do."

He told them his plan.

* * *

"CHICKENHOUND!" Elisha screamed, "SAVE THE CHILDREN!"

She flung all of the citrus fruit that they adopted at him.

"What about me?" Grissoul asked.

"Who are you?" Elisha asked.

"Your daughter," Grissoul sighed.

"I'm tired of carrying around these fruit," Chickenhound said, "I have been for the past few chapters."

"That's too bad, isn't it?" Elisha growled.

The Disney characters surrounding them began to slowly advance on them. Martin reached for his sword, but it wasn't there. It was stolen _again_.

"HI GUYS!" Rick jumped out of the water, "LOOK! I'M A MERMAID! UH, I MEAN, MERMAN!"

Somehow, Rick managed to grow a fish tail.

"Does this mean you'll be late for school next week?" Lilly asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to marry Ariel," Rick said.

"I WANT TO GET MARRIED!" Lilly screamed, "IT'S NOT FAIR THAT YOU AND ELISHA GET TO BE MARRIED! I WANT A TURN!"

She turned toward Zazu, who was perched on Mickey's shoulder.

"What are you doing tonight?" Lilly asked him.

Zazu said nothing and flew away.

"I'm bored of standing here," Mickey said, "Can we just kill them already?"

"We can work something out!" Pocahontas said, stepping forward.

"Yeah, they're not that bad," Simba added.

"You shouldn't hold grudges," Mulan said. She glanced at General Shang. "_Right _Shang?"

Shang glanced at Lauren. "At least, the Redwallers aren't that bad," he muttered.

"LOOK OUT!" Thumper's voice suddenly screamed. The rolling object rolled right into the crowd. It was stopped with a jolt when it crashed into Winnie the Pooh, who was known to lift weights in his spare time. Breeze and Thumper jumped off, relieved.

"THERE IT IS!" Swartt yelled, running over to the crowd, followed by Matthias and Cornflower.

"HE HAS THE CRYSTAL!" Minnie Mouse yelled, "STOP HIM!"

Swartt was suddenly tackled to the ground by a mob of Disney characters. He tossed the crystal to Matthias, who was grabbed by Mickey. He threw it to Cornflower, who was awesome enough to make it to the object. Just as she reached it, the author decided we haven't talked about Duchess and Tsarmina enough.

* * *

"There they are," Duchess said. She picked up a box where her kittens were being held.

"THERE'S SO CUTE!" Tsarmina squealed, "LET ME HOLD ONE!"

"Shut up, crazy lady," one of the kittens squeaked.

"You're stupid," Another one added.

"Toulouse, Berlioz, behave yourselves," Duchess growled, "Let Marie get one in too."

"She's ugly too," the female kitten, Marie, mewed.

"You're kittens have stupid names," Tsarmina said.

"They're not stupid!" Duchess hissed, "They're French."

"Exactly."

"You have a stupid name too!" Duchess growled.

"Your face is a stupid name!" Tsarmina growled back.

"That makes no sense!" Duchess exclaimed.

"Your face makes no sense," Tsarmina replied.

"STOP DOING THAT!" Duchess hissed, "Anyway, let's get out of here. There might be guards."

They took the kittens and walked out. When they turned a corner, they saw a dalmatian sleeping near the exit, obviously on guard duty.

"Let's tiptoe past," Tsarmina whispered.

They did so, until Marie suddenly squeaked, "TOULOUSE STEPPED ON MY TAIL!"

"I DID NOT, YOU LIAR!" Toulouse hissed, "I STEPPED ON YOUR PAW!"

The dalmatian, who is Pongo from an obvious movie, looked sleepily up. He jumped to his paws and started barking.

"CATS!" He barked.

"Listen, dude," Duchess said calmly, "I just wanted to rescue my kittens. You understand, right?"

"I do have one hundred and one children," Pongo said, "Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll let you go this one time."

"ONE HUNDRED AND ONE CHILDREN?" Tsarmina exclaimed, "_Someone _was busy, eh?"

"_Let's go_," Duchess hissed.

* * *

Cornflower opened the object and threw the crystal inside. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and suddenly there was a storm overhead and convenient lightning flashes, just like in dramatic movies. A man rose out of the object. He was just as human looking as he did in life, nothing like how zombies will look during the zombie apocalypse. But that's another story.

"ALL HAIL THE CREATOR!" Mickey squealed. Every single Disney character bowed down to the man.

"It- it's Walt Disney!" Duchess exclaimed, "I haven't seen him in so long! All of us Disney characters who were in movies he personally made used to know him. I only met him when I was simply a story board... before he died."

"What's up?" Walt Disney climbed out of the object- which was actually his coffin.

"OUR LEADER HAS RETURNED!" Pooh screamed.

"Um, what's going on?" Rose asked.

"Hurry, let's leave!" Martin said.

The Redwallers tried to make a break for it, but the mass of Disney characters blocked them.

"Why are there Redwall characters here?" Walt Disney asked, "I only allow the characters from books that The Disney Company made."

"I'm sorry," Matthias said, "We crashed here in a plane, and we're gonna leave."

"Not so fast!" Walt said, "You've been here too long. I have to make Redwall into a movie."

"NOOOO!" The Redwallers all screamed, "YOU'LL DISNEYFY IT!"

"They probably wouldn't kill off half of the characters!" Rose exclaimed.

"I doubt they'd kill off Methuselah and Mortimer," Constance said.

"They might not even kill Cluny!" Cluny screamed.

"It would not be as violent, and they'd cut out so many things!" Ironbeak said, "Probably even the Sparras, knowing Disney.

"And _they'll make us sing_," Matthias shrieked.

Everybeast screamed.

"Too bad," Walt Disney grinned, "This will be a great movie. It'll have to be a musical of course, and Cluny, you're now a weasel."

"WHY?!" Cluny asked.

"Because I want you to be a weasel," Disney answered, "And because I can make you a weasel if I want you to be a weasel. Also, Cornflower is now taking the place of Jess."

"LEAVE MY BOOK ALONE!" A voice called from nowhere.

"Who's there?!" Disney looked around.

Suddenly, Brian Jacques tackled him.

"YOU'LL NEVER DISNEYFY MY BOOKS!" Jacques screamed.

They got into a slap fight. The Disney and Redwall characters surrounded them, cheering on their leaders.

"We want someone to represent us!" The fanpeople complained.

Suddenly, their band teacher, Mr. A., ran up with no shirt, waving a flail over his head and screaming an intimidating war cry. Jacques and Disney paused to stare. Mr. A. tripped on a flower and fell headfirst into a trash can, where he decided to fall asleep. Jacques and Disney glanced at each other, shrugged, and continued their slap fight.

The rest of the Disney and Redwall characters turned to face each other. The Redwall characters, because there was only a fraction of characters from the entire series, were horribly outnumbered. Cluny jumped up onto a rock and yelled, "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!"

"What?" Everybeast asked.

"Uh..." Cluny glanced around, "Oh, I have another one. SPARRA KILLE!!!"

"YOU'RE NOT A SPARRA AND THERE ISN'T ANY HERE!" Matthias yelled.

"FINE!" Cluny growled, "THIS... IS... REDWAAAALLL!!!"

The Redwallers cheered and charged toward the Disney characters. Suddenly, every other Redwall character in existence, even the minor ones that were merely mentioned, appeared. Now they outnumbered the Disney characters (especially with all the shrews!). There was 1,701 in total, if the author's calculations were correct. Which they are, because the author said so. But quality beats quantity. Disney has dragons and wizards and stuff, and we all know from the game

Rock-Mouse-Dragon that dragons beat mice. Of course, when there are hundreds of mice along with tons of other animals, that seems to make a difference. So, anyway, that's just a little depth into how my mind works. Let's just get back to the story.

"AND CHEESETHEIF WON'T GET ASSASSINATED!" Disney yelled, "THAT'S TOO VIOLENT. AND CLUNY WON'T BE MEAN TO HIS TROOPS! AND FORGET ABOUT ASMODEUS!"

"NEVER!!!" Brian Jacques yelled. Because he is the author of Redwall, he is way more awesome in this particular fanfiction than Walt Disney, and thus was overpowering him.

"Let's go," Lauren whispered to Mulan and Shang.

"We're in the middle of something," Mulan growled.

Lauren was afraid of fighting, so she grabbed them both and skipped off into the sunset with them, dragging the two behind her, never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, the fighting between the two sides became unbalanced. The Redwallers were pushing the Disney characters back, having an advantage with all of the badgers. Lonna Bowstripe, who was very very very big for a badger, was single handedly (pawely?) wresting Maleficent in her dragon form to the ground. Successfully. Maybe that badger should go on Biggest Loser or something, 'cause he is really massive. Cluny fell on the ground from a head wound delivered by Jiminy Cricket (don't even ask how). Of course, no one really noticed and left him there. Matthias and Martin were fighting savagely- with each other. They couldn't agree on who would get the sword. Cornflower found a lantern, which sent a lot of characters (including some Redwallers) running. They knew what happened when Cornflower Fieldmouse had a lantern. Eventually, Mickey Mouse called for a retreat.

"GIVE IT UP!" Jacques yelled at Disney, "My book is already a TV show! And they did more damage to the storyline then you'll ever do!"

"It's true," Disney sighed, "I was out done. I mean, how can I compete with pointless filler episodes that added nothing to the plot and added characters and situations that would never be in a Redwall book?"

"AND THEY MADE ME A MAJOR CHARACTER!" Cornflower yelled, "I DIDN'T DO THAT MUCH STUFF IN THE FIRST BOOK!"

"RETREAT!!!" Disney yelled. The Disney characters ran into their elaborate underground caverns. However, before they left, Martin managed to corner Mickey. He didn't have his sword because it was stolen by Matthias, but Martin knew what to do.

"There's something Redwall fans have wanted me to do for a long, long time," Martin growled.

Martin soundly beat up Mickey Mouse, and every Redwall fan in the world suddenly felt content. After about ten minutes, Martin let Mickey go.

"WE ACTUALLY WON!" The Redwallers cheered. The characters who weren't originally featured in the story disappeared back to their own world.

"You too, Triss," The author growled.

"But you were originally going to add me!" Triss whined.

"THAT'S TOO BAD, NOW ISN'T IT?!!?!" The author suddenly screeched. Triss disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Hey guys!" Veil and Dumbo ran up to them, "What'd we miss?"

"Only a huge battle," Mattimeo said.

"So, nothing interesting, right?" Veil said.

"Um, guys, you realize Cluny is unconscious, right?" Rose glanced at him.

"Is he dead?" Matthias asked hopefully, "Because one more of us has to die."

"I AM NOT DEAD!" Cluny jumped to his paws, "I FEEL REBORN! I AM POWERFUL ONCE MORE! NO ONE CAN DEFEAT ME, CLUNY THE SOMETHING-OR-OTHER!"

"Cluny the Something-or-Other?" Martin asked.

"I can't remember my full title," Cluny rubbed his head, "Nor can I remember why I wanted to conquer Redwall."

"No one really knew in the first place," Jacques assured him, "And if you don't need me, I'll be going now."

He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"So is the story finally over?!?!" Gonff asked hopefully.

"Of course not!" The author laughed.

"YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME!" Walt Disney yelled. Just then, the balloon tied to a rubber duck with a piece of duct tape floated by and stuck to the back of his shirt, carrying him away into the sunset. i told you, I love messing with that laws of physics just for the purpose of randomness.

"I MISSED!" Ice exclaimed, jumping out from behind a rock, "I was aiming for Elisha!"

"HEY!" Elisha screamed, "Chickenhound! Make her stop!"

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" Chickenhound, not Slagar, yelled, "We never were! Ice was right when she said we knew each other for less than a week!"

"You're so funny," Elisha laughed, "No. Seriously. We have to go on our honeymoon."

"Help me, Ice!" Chickenhound begged.

"Here," Jack handed Ice another balloon thing, "Tanya got bored again and made me make another one."

Ice pushed it toward Elisha, sticking to her shirt and carrying her off into the air. She then landed on a giant catapult Ice had hastily constructed, which flung her off into the sunset.

"JACK!" Tanya yelled, "THIS SWEATER YOU GAVE ME ISN'T THE RIGHT SHADE OF PINK! GET ME ANOTHER ONE OR WE'RE BREAKING UP!"

She threw it at him none too gently.

Jack sighed. "Yes, Tanya."

"And remember that tonight is foot massage night," Tanya added, "If it's not relaxing, we're breaking up."

Jack glanced at Chickenhound for a reminder of what he had to do. "Tanya," he said, "We're breaking up."

"HOW DARE YOU!" Tanya sobbed, "I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!"

She kicked him in the place you don't want to be kicked and stomped off. Cluny ran after her.

"You know, I'm single too," Cluny said.

"Do I know you?" Tanya asked.

"I am the mighty Cluny the Something-or-Other!" Cluny announced.

"Terrifying title," Tanya rolled her eyes, then got on the bus that was taking the band students back to their school.

After Jack recovered, he went on the second bus to avoid awkwardness.

"What about me?!?!" Lilly asked, "I don't want to be the only one to stay!"

Suddenly, a bunch of pigeons appeared out of nowhere in particular and carried her off into the sunset.

"So in conclusion, Tanya and Jack are going home, Rick is a merman married to Ariel, Lauren ran off into the sunset, Elisha was flung away on a catapult, Lilly was kidnapped by pigeons, and Hector is lost in the tunnels," Warthorn summarized.

"Hector isn't lost in the tunnels," the author explained, "He found a magical portal to the land of Zo, which is the land next to Oz and became the Marvelous Magician of Zo."

"Now is it over?" Gonff asked.

"No, there is still the matter of you guys getting home," the author said, "And one more has to die."

"No," Rose said, "The real reason is because this is the nineteenth chapter, and you want twenty chapters because it just a nice round number."

"SHUT UP!" The author growled, "Ahem. Anyway, the last chapter is next. But it's not the end! I shall reveal my evil plot in the next chapter!"

"I AM AN OCTOPUS!" Cluny suddenly yelled from his brain damage, which ruined the foreboding moment.

_At first, I was not happy with the outcome of this chapter, so I took forever editing it and stuff. Actually, I still am not satisfied, but I've left the readers waiting long enough. I'm slightly paranoid at anybody taking offense at the Brian Jacques and Walt Disney thing for any reason. I don't know why you would, but still, I have this disclaimer ready._


	20. The End? I Think Not!

_Yes, I'm actually alive. Sorry it took me longer than forever to update. Don't you hate how teachers pile loads of projects on you the last month of school?Yeah... then we had a lot going on the last week, with field trips and after school stuff and band stuff (yes, I'm a crazy band kid like the fanpeople). Well, we're here not with the conclusion. Or is it...?_

"Well then," Cornflower said, "Now what do we do?"

"Um, well, we need a ride home," Matthias answered, "But SOMEBODY," He paused to glare at Veil and Mattimeo, "Destroyed our old plane."

"I should of stayed with Frank where I was respected," Mattimeo pouted.

Suddenly, Nightshade fell to the ground.

"Eh, she's getting another vision," Swartt shrugged, "She'll be okay in about thirty seconds."

"WHY DON'T I GET VISIONS?" Mangiz shouted. The author ignored him.

Thirty-two seconds later (Swartt was WRONG), Nightshade jumped back up.

"I HAD A VISION!" She declared.

"We already confirmed that fact," Sela grunted, impatient and rather jealous. _She_ didn't get visions.

"It was rather long and depressing," Nightshade said, "Come on, let's get something to eat first."

Sitting at a restaurant (the only one they could find was Captain Kidd's... er... Clogg's), they were hungry enough to choke down the food-like substances. Nightshade was preparing to tell them their vision. Kind of.

"I've grown weak," She said, "Only pudding can fill the void."

"Just tell us the vision," Rose said.

"I MUST HAVE PUDDING FIRST!" Nightshade yelled.

As Nightshade went to the buffet to get pudding, the Redwallers discussed what they should do.

"Well, we don't have to worry about the fanpeople anymore," Gonff pointed out, "That's a plus."

"Or Disney characters killing us," Jodd added.

"Tsarmina and Breeze are missing though," Badrang said, "What are we going to do about that?"

There was a pause. Nobeast really knew.

"And the adders are still roaming around," Martin said, "_And_ Matthias stole my sword _again_."

"I did not, you liar!" Matthias yelled.

"Great, we lost the sword too," Rose sighed, "You have to keep better track of your things, Martin."

"Stop acting like my wife!" Martin growled.

Rose slapped him.

"Sorry, I got into our weird area, didn't I?" Martin groaned.

Nightshade came back with a large bowl filled with pudding. Slowly, she dug her spoon in and ate a little... Painfully, painfully slow.

"JUST TELL US THE FLIPPIN' VISION ALREADY!" Baby Rollo suddenly yelled.

"Awww," Cornflower cooed, "His first outburst of rage."

"OKAY, OKAY!" Nightshade put her spoon down, "Jeez. Impatient much?"

"If _I_ had a vision,_ I_ wouldn't make you guys wait," Mangiz sulked.

"It was calm..." Nightshade began, "Then suddenly, wind started blowing. A dancing cheeto with shades suddenly appeared, joined by two mice dancing in hula skirts waving around glowsticks... Er... anyway, the cheeto gave me a message.

'_I am the Might Cheeto... or something like that._

_ The fate of the world lies in the hands... er... paws_

_ Of the literature world of little brown rats._

_ Wait... that was bad._

_ Really bad. _

_ Forget the rhyming, okay?_

_ I'm not much of a poetry guy._

_ Just listen._

_ The chain is what locks up... Them._

_ The worst of all Mary-Sues..._

_ And the worst of the rabid fanpeople..._

_ They live in a castle_

_ But we lock the door up with this chain._

_ This chain is special._

_ The chain knows all._

_ The chain controls time and space._

_ The chain controls life and death._

_ The chain knows the future and the past._

_ The chain is really, really shiny. _

_ So, basically, you guys are supposed to save the world,_

_ From the twin demons Mary-Sue and Fanny,_

_ Yeah, real creative names, no?_

_ Yeeeeaaah...'_

And then, I saw a large tower, with a big door that was locked with a chain. But the chain was breaking...

I think we have to replace the chain before whatever is inside comes out."

"Well that was just weird," Cornflower said, shaking her head.

"This is reeeaaaally stupid," Basil grunted.

"Thank you," the author said, "I try my best. Yeah, there is a castle somewhere in the world where Mary-Sue and Fanny are locked up."

"Sooo...?" Korvus asked.

"Ugh. Just save the dang world," the author grunted, "In all books there is something about saving the world, no?"

Suddenly, Grissoul had a vision.

"I had a vision, daddy!" She said to Slagar.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not your daddy," Slagar sighed, "Chickenhound and Elisha adopted you, along with the citrus fruit. Chickenhound asked me to hold on to it."

He was holding a plastic bag, which he was keeping said fruit in.

"Whatever," Grissoul said, "It was a giant, blue potato. He told me:

_'Oh yeah, there's another part of the prophecy you should know._

_ A Redwall character you thought you could trust,_

_ Really is partners with the Sue and Fan._

_ They will betray you,_

_ Unless you stop them._

_ If you don't, then Fanny and Mary-Sue will be released._

_ Tell Chickenhound I say hi! Oh, and to protect the chain with his life._

_ Let nobody else lay a paw on it._

_ Don't trust anybeast..._

_ Not even yourself.'_

"This is like when you told us three of us would die!" Bluefen said to the author, "Which, by the way, hasn't happened yet."

"I feel special," Chickenhound grinned, "And I know that this means I won't be the one to die because I'm the MIGHTY PROTECTOR OF THE CHAIN! TREMBLE BEFORE ME!"

"Wait... this means..." Matthias said, "THERE'S GONNA BE A SEQUEL!"

Everybeast screamed loudly.

"Actually, a trilogy," the author smiled, "I already know what the third one will be like."

Everybeast screamed again, even louder this time.

"You don't have time to do that!" Ironbeak tried to talk her our of it, "You barely had time for this story!"

"True," the author said, "But summer is coming up, so I'll actually have a concept called 'free time'."

Cheerlessly, they walked out of the restaurant and came face to face with Asmodeus and Baliss.

"Hey guysss," Asmodeus said, "Er... Balissss and I felt kinda bad about trying to kill you before, ssso we decided to tell you why we're here."

"Sssee," Baliss explained, "Zasssalissss, Sssesstra, and Harsssacsss were hired by Disssney to kill you, but we were actually hired by a mysssteriousss creature, we don't know what it wasss, to come here and pretend that we worked for Mickey. They weren't Disssney though."

"Sssomeone isss out to get you," Asmodeus concluded.

"Great. Just what we need," Dotti sighed, "More people trying to kill us."

"It's starting to get to me, all of this attempted killing stuff," Veil said.

"Zasssalisss and hisss sssiblingsss left," Baliss told them, "Ssso no need to worry about them."

"Well, we need a plane," Frang said, "We ravens can't fly all the way to Mossflower."

"I have a plane," A voice said.

They turned to see Duchess, along with Tsarmina, Breeze, and Thumper.

"Yeah, since I'm rich, I can afford a private jet," Duchess boasted, "I can lend it to you if you want."

"Thank you so much!" Cornflower was excited to finally leave.

As they were following Duchess to the airplane, Thumper and Breeze whispered to each other. By the time they all reached the plane, they cane to a decision.

"I'm staying here with Thumper," Breeze announced.

Everybeast gasped.

"We can't be separated," Breeze continued, "Our hearts belong with each other."

"No," Dotti said, "I know we hate each other, but listen to me. You're making a mistake."

"I don't want to hear it," Breeze said, "My mind it made up."

"M'kay, let's go," Lady Amber killed the moment, "Plane takes off in five minutes."

Lady Amber had gone to flight school as well as submarine school, so she was the pilot (after they tied Cluny in the cargo hold of course. They didn't want another accident.) Duchess, Breeze and Thumper waved the plane off as it grew smaller and smaller into the sky.

The flight back to Mossflower was long, but they had supplies on the plane (a lot of jellybeans and pillows), which led the passengers to create Pillow War II. As they were passing over a city, Amber noticed that the plane was almost out of fuel. She landed near a gas station, which she later learned was not going to work. After trying to fill the plane up with car gasoline (she couldn't figure out the pump because I don't think squirrels usually have to drive cars, but I wouldn't know), she finally gave up and found extra fuel in the plane.

As they were nearing Mossflower, Warthorn said to the author, "You know, this is almost over, and you still only killed two characters."

"Thank you for reminding me!" The author exclaimed, "Originally, I intended it to be Gonff suddenly bursting into flames when we landed, but I have a better plan now!"

Gonff looked sleepily up when he heard his name, but because he was in the middle of a long nap he didn't think much of the fact that he would have suffered from a spontaneous combustion if it wasn't for Warthorn.

The author cornered Warthorn then pushed him out the window.

"That was a bit rude," Cornflower said.

The author shrugged, "I decided that if he kept reminding me of it, it would be ironic for him to be the one to die."

Everybeast else was silent, either asleep or shocked. Nothing more was said, and finally they landed in Mossflower international.

"I had no idea that Mossflower had it's own airport," Basil finally said to break the silence.

Nobeast answered him. They were used to illogical events.

Everybeast pushed and shoved there way toward the door, eager to escape this story. Swartt accidently-on-purpose knocked rather hard into Veil, knocking him out cold.

Unfortunately, only a few would make it out of the story.

Cue evil, foreboding music.

_ Yes, there will be a sequel. And I promise that it will be updated faster. How can I promise this? Tomorrow begins my two week long road trip. I'm bringing my laptop, so I can type on those 8-hour car rides. So in about two week, I'll be able to post a bunch. The sequel will be even randomer, because it won't have quite a plot!_

_ Martin: No plot? What about the Mary-Sue and Fanny business?_

_ That was a spur-of-the-moment random subplot. But I suppose now I have to build on that. So, see you in a few weeks!_


End file.
